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Scot McKay is a character-based dating and seduction coach, online dating consultant, talk show host and founder of X & Y Communications. He lives in San Antonio, TX with his wife and co-conspirator Emily (whom he met online), three kids and two hairless terriers. You can find lots more from Scot on his website at http://www.dating-advice.us where you can sign up for his popular weekly newsletter and get free stuff...including audio podcasts and videos. His blog is found at http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog. |
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Comments on all articles by Scot McKay - Dating Coach (3,596)      Scot McKay - Dating Coach    A Half Dozen Signs Of A Psycho Girlfriend linda: (3 days 18 hours ago.)  how about when your boyfriend used to be in prison for 10 years, would that make him a psycho? I noticed that he usually have different moods and won't share to me his problems...is the relationship worth keeping? Anonymous: (3 days 17 hours ago.) Linda only you can answer that question since I don't know the entire scenario. But what I wrote definitely applies to men also. The Dating Vanishing Act: The Exact Reasons Why Women Disappear Comment by Robert Melaccio, Sr. (3,670)  Robert Melaccio, Sr. (3 days 18 hours ago.)Boy am I glad I'm out of this rat race. Its all in the heart, what is done or not, said or not and that includes body language, gesture, words. hey after all about 80 our communication has nothing to do with talking. Good advice for those looking. A Half Dozen Signs Of A Psycho Girlfriend Anonymous: (9 days 17 hours ago.)  ok so i agree to an extent but what about the males part in why a girl turns into a sociopath??? Ive been sleeping with a 36 yr. old and Im 39. He tells me he loves that Im a bitch and slips out he just loves me in genereal i dont take drunk talk as written in stone.. next day he gets physically abusive??? explain that please Scot McKay: (9 days 16 hours ago.) Well, that sort of unacceptable behavior cannot be explained...which is part of what makes it sociopathic. This article was actually written for a primarily male audience, but that's not to say that men are by any stretch exempt from being psycho. It's "equal opportunity". I would, however, avoid blaming someone else for one's own psychopathic tendencies. I believe in taking personal responsibility for one's actions. How To Get Straight A's In Masculinity Comment by Creative Blogger (3,595)  Creative Blogger (30 days 21 hours ago.) Funny that you see these qualities as masculine. I have always held doors open, assisted with heavy bags, negotiated 'toilet ' privilages and all the rest. They aren't masucline qualities they are just qualities of assertive, confident and considerate people, male or female. But I get your point! The point being we want men who are considerate and assertive though quietly so preferably! Interesting read :) The "Big Four" Factors That Make A Man Attractive To Women Comment by Scot McKay - Dating Coach (3,596) Scot McKay - Dating Coach (42 days 16 hours ago.)Dude. You can't be confident, be masculine, cause a woman to feel comfortable with you or do what you say you're going to do? Really? Relationship Advice: Thou Shalt Not Hold Her Purse For Her Comment by Scot McKay - Dating Coach (3,596) Scot McKay - Dating Coach (42 days 16 hours ago.)Quote: "If you are a real man holding your ladies handbag would not affend your manlyhood." Quote: "I just lost my wife." If you re-read my article I believe I make a valid case for those two statements of yours being related. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Herb. Although you are trying hard to believe that I can't possibly have any shred of evidence for what I'm talking about--and that my life must be full of regret like yours--it just isn't the case. You can go to our MySpace page at MySpace and clearly see that Emily and I kind of like each other. It would be difficult to share an office as dating coaches were it as you suppose. But truthfully, I think you're missing my point. This isn't about whether or not we're enjoying quality time with the women in our lives. It isn't even about whether we and our significant others are doing random acts of kindness for each other or not. Women are wired differently than we are. And this is about how they test to see if they can get you to capitulate to them in ways that even *embarass* you. You see, what you've got to ask yourself is if you honestly think your woman should get her a$$ outside and change the oil. After all, following your logic doing so wouldn't "offend her femininity" if she was a "real woman". Well, see, that's the thing. I respect my wife enough to not manipulate her in such a way. Cajoling her into doing "guy stuff" would offend MY measure of respect for her. Real men don't compromise womanhood. And real women don't make men hold their purses. It's all symbolic of something much, much deeper. I was consistently "pwned" by my ex-wife in ways very similar to what I talked about in this article. And we're, um...divorced. After that divorce I immersed myself for several years in finding out what it is that women really want from a man. And they don't really want us to stand there holding their purses for them. Sorry man. Herb A from Dresher Pa: (42 days 17 hours ago.) If you are a real man holding your ladies handbag would not affend your manlyhood. If you care about your woman doing things with her could be fun. I just lost my wife and I regret not doing a lot of things with her. But what we did together we both enjoyed and if she asked me to hold her bag I did it. If someone looked at me funny it was their problem. Apparently your not married and if you are ask your wife how happy she real is. The "Big Four" Factors That Make A Man Attractive To Women Anonymous: (53 days 8 hours ago.)  If this is what it takes to attract women, I guess I'll be single for the rest of my life. :) But I'm okay with that. There's more to life than women; like good health, a great career, money, sports, goofing off, erotic entertainment, the Internet, food, vacations, etc. Add in my superior intelligence and I can be completely fulfilled with those things, thank you. And I'm looking forward to a happy retirement -- full of ease, comfort, and pleasure -- as long as my health stays good and I save enough in my 401(k) and Roth IRA. Why Pick-Up Artists Can’t Seduce ALL The Women Anonymous: (53 days 18 hours ago.) You seem jealous.. I really can't figure out why else you would be so negative. If the pickup artists like what they are doing, then that's positive! Leave them! And if you've got work that you got tired of allthough it was fun in the beginning, too bad for you.. Time for a change in career huh? Or maybe just some other plus'es in your life, cause you seem like a burned out person that's for sure. The User’s Guide To Valentine’s Day Comment by James P Krehbiel (1,677)  James P Krehbiel (97 days 12 hours ago.)Scot, Nicely done. I always enjoy your commentary on love-life! How To Stop Being Manipulated By Others Anonymous: (134 days 3 hours ago.) thank you sooooo much. i am always in this situation. but NO LONGER. THANK YOU. Why Pick-Up Artists Can’t Seduce ALL The Women Anonymous: (149 days 12 hours ago.) hear hear. Learning pickup can do a lot in terms of bolstering confidence and improving social skills, but to make duping women into having sex your life's work is just pathetic. 10 Ways To Maximize Your Pickup Game At Karaoke Bars Comment by Alice Wisler (49)  (156 days 23 hours ago.)What a great way to look at karaoke. I grew up in Japan, long before karaoke was ever heard of anywhere else. I agree with your advice that being confident as you perform covers many vocal flaws. Secrets To Understanding The Opposite Sex John from Bowie, Md.: (163 days 19 hours ago.)  I'm new here, so I don't know what MOTOS stands for. But, I like the basic tenor of this article. Yes, men and women have more in common than not and much of what we veiw as differences are conditioned ways of viewing things and each other. Respect is the most necessary component of relating to or communicating with anyone. It isn't always present when men relate to women. It's like the playground equivalent of "she throws, runs, hits,etc. like a girl" (a put down) somehow plays out in the kind of condescesion men direct at women they are trying to pick up in the way they converse with them. We (men) are not really taught or conditioned (generally) to respect women. We have to work at it to learn how. They deserve our respect. Once you have it, it is so much easier to carry on a conversation with any woman. Then, it's a matter of accepting the direction the relationship goes without any false managing efforts. I was a flight attendant for almost thirty years; one of the first men in that profession. I got to know a whole lot about women. The most important thing is that men must like women. Not all men do. How To Stop Being Manipulated By Others Anonymous: (182 days 10 hours ago.) I'm going through being minipulated by my 16 year old daughter,wow know i have something to go on thanks!!!!!!!! That “Talk To Children” Voice Jo C from UK: (203 days 3 hours ago.) Brilliant reading!! Funny, snappy, I even read it with an american accent!! Great examples given ... just great to read! Blind Dates: Don't Be Left In The Dark misscindirella from florida: (217 days 17 hours ago.) Think this article was cute, however he forgot to go into those that get so lost in dates and blind dates, that they make a full time profession of it, never really settling for what is in front of them, always looking for the next best fix. The Age Gap—Dating Someone Much Younger Kaly: (234 days 2 hours ago.)  Hello im 25,he's 57,we have been friends for over 3 years,and now we have become best freind's.He's just a wonderful person,smart,very mature and sensitive. I met him on the net Agelesscupid three years ago. I am now a happy woman who is deeply in love and planning a wedding ceremony before the end of this year by the grace of God. Understanding Women: The Password Test D from Kansas: (236 days 21 hours ago.) Hey, there really is A MAN out there who gets women, and respects them too. Been married for 22 yrs, and my husband doesnt seem to care about what I like or most of those things that are very important......everyone else he does, but none of that for ME. Sure wouldnt marry him again if I was thinking straight back then! The Age Gap—Dating Someone Much Younger Anonymous: (241 days 1 hour ago.) I'm dating a guy 24yrs older than myself, I'm 22. I don't see anything strange or complicated with this relationship. Yes the way I met him was through my parents but if they don't feel weird, and either do we what is the problem with this. It doesn't matter how I look (I am very attractive) It's about our feelings for each other. Age is not the problem with peoples relationships, it's the foundations on which they are built!!! Get over the number!!! Face it if the relationship is meant to be it will. If not it will end no matter how big an age difference there is!!! Meeting Women: Does Failure To Deploy Hurt More Than Her Potential Rejection? secret33: (250 days 23 hours ago.) A lot of guys fail in meeting the right women for the simple reason that they have not even met themselves. You have to know yourself before you may know another, otherwise relationship will never work as you want it Ten Phrases That Mean Your Date Really, Really Likes You Comment by Creative Blogger (3,595) Creative Blogger (295 days 11 hours ago.)I forgot to add, I don't say any of these things myself. I think my tongue dragging along on the floor is a big enough clue as to the nature of my feelings. Comment by Creative Blogger (3,595) Creative Blogger (295 days 11 hours ago.)I heard all these in a distant encounter and I have to say reading them now makes me feel 'icky' as I nolonger like the guy, but at the time I did and I think I recall being flattered. THOUGH my favourite flattering comment was when he said I stimulated his 'mind'. yep Comment by Cari Jones (189)  (295 days 21 hours ago.)I love your style. You keep me laughing with observations like never experiencing "the glow" due to failing to deploy, yada yada. I keep checking your picture to see what kind of guy uses this kind of dialog and I am amused all over again. Gimme a guy with a sense of humor, cute is a bonus. I'm Bringing Sexy Back Scot McKay from San Antonio: (335 days 12 hours ago.) Hello Creative Blogger. I'm not sure if I'm following your comments. Are you agreeing with me or disagreeing? The piece is all about having confidence in one's femininity vs. capitulating to the sex-focused man. I don't believe I mentioned clothing at all, unless "if the shoe fits" classifies. For the record, I agree with you that women dress for each other, and I've heard that in several interviews with Leil Lowndes et al. We guys generally don't care as long as you are feminine and well-groomed. A terrific woman looks as hot to us in a pink tracksuit as she does in a Carolina Herrera. Comment by Creative Blogger (3,595) Creative Blogger (335 days 21 hours ago.)You should also know that generally women do not dress to impress men they dress to impress other women. Comment by Creative Blogger (3,595) Creative Blogger (335 days 21 hours ago.)A sexy woman is simply a self confident woman. One that is not needy and carries her self well. Self confidence prohibits the need for exessive make-up and minimum clothing. A woman who is not afraid to be a 'woman' as you say feminine. Scot McKay from San Antonio: (337 days 11 hours ago.) Thank you, Cari. I appreciate your kind words. And yes, I certainly remember Cyndi Lauper...I'm old enough! Comment by Cari Jones (189) (337 days 17 hours ago.)Scot, I found your article to be a fascinating read. Your title made a bold statement which really captured my interest. A woman always like to get the male perspective on these cultural matters. Great job, you're a very strong writer! BTW, do you know who Cyndi Lauper is? Insecure Guy + Desperate Woman = Successful Date? Jessie Robertson from Prince George, BC. Canada: (360 days 15 hours ago.) This gave me a good laugh for the day... well written. It is not funny however, a lot this equation goes on. This was a most dramtic account/example of it, and obvious... really points that type of relationship out! Creeping Someone Out 101 (Part Two) Comment by Kay Elizabeth (1,713)  Kay Elizabeth (1 year 67 days ago.)I enjoyed the two parts of your article, Scot! Both informative and interesting at the same time. Well written indeed, the title was what caught my eye. :) The Age Gap—Dating Someone Much Younger Scot McKay: (1 year 110 days ago.) Lynn, the last thing that should be happening is to have someone else in the driver's seat when it comes to your self-esteem. I know little about your situation, but the man you have been with is a cheater at the baseline level and he is not having a positive impact on your life otherwise. We talk a lot around here about deserving what you want in life, and the question is about what you want. Know what that is and deserve it. Lynn: (1 year 110 days ago.) I would also like to say thanks for your comment. I have been in a three year relationship with a guy who is 44 now, I am 30 "something" ;). I feel, and have been told many times that I look in my 20's..I got carded the other night as a matter of a fact. But, he decided to have an affair with a 23 year old. Now it seems he wants to make things work with me. I just don't trust him now. So what is it with wanting to be with a 23 yo. Is it just the thoughts of being with someone that age? I pride myself in my looks and take good care of myself. But this has really done a number on my self esteem. I just had a boob job 2 days ago, probably more because of how his infidelity has affected me. Can you trust someone after an affair with a 20 yo? Will they always want someone that age now? Scot McKay from San Antonio: (1 year 122 days ago.) Sarah: Plenty of us do think like that, and I'm doing my part to increase the population. Congratulations on being a rare woman. That doesn't go unappreciated for long. If you'd like, sign up for our newsletter at the address shown at the bottom of the article and I'll send a free copy of Deserve What You Want to the address you sign up with. Thanks for making my day...I live for knowing I've helped someone. Cheers, Scot Sarah from Seattle: (1 year 122 days ago.) Thanks, Scott. Your words brought tears to my eyes. I'm the kind of woman you describe-- I look/act much younger. I was seriously dating, when a much younger woman set her sights on my guy-I suspect as more a power trip than anything else, (didn't begin to pursue him until she learned of our relationship). Well, she got to him, and now I feel old . If only every man thought like you! Those USAF Thunderbird Pilots Must Get All The Women…Well, Except One Of Them TLC from Nellis AFB: (1 year 128 days ago.) Found article interesting. Nicole attended the Air Force Academy (in the news due to treatment females received there). Her husband is an Air Force Weapons Officer - basically the Air Froces equivalent to Top Gun Fighter Pilots but better! So yes he is a bad a$$ himself. I thought you'd be interested to know this: "The 2007 team includes the Thunderbirds' first female solo pilot, Maj. Samantha Weeks, Thunderbird No. 6, opposing solo, in her first season with the team." Signs Your Date Is Married Comment by Kathie Ingram Owen (449)  Kathie Ingram Owen (1 year 199 days ago.)Oh so true Scot! My EX was in SA and I am in Houston. And he IS married! Beware, they really do exist. His name is FIDEL - as in inFIDELity. Happily moved on to a truly single man. Creeping Someone Out 101 (Part Two) Anonymous: (1 year 211 days ago.) Great article! Rose DesRochers: (1 year 212 days ago.) I enjoyed the second part of the article.:-) Creeping Someone Out 101 (Part One Of Two) Rose DesRochers from Ontario, Canada: (1 year 220 days ago.) So that's what it's called. Lucky for me I have been out of the dating scene for 18 years, but I get to listen to my daughters horror stories of bad boy friends. I call them boy friends because teens no longer date. Courtship is dead and for most so is marriage. Good thing we have dating coaches like you around. Look out Hitch. LOL I enjoyed your article. All the best to you and the future Mrs. McKay! I'm Not Ken And She's Not Barbie...Thank God Comment by Avis Ward (7,711)  (1 year 248 days ago.)Thank God also for you and this article! Loved it! You've garnered my respect. All the best to you and yours, personally and with the business. It May SEEM Like Every Man In The World Can Approach Women, But Most CAN'T Reader from Oregon: (1 year 280 days ago.) This gave me a lot of insight into what men think, feel, and experience when approaching women, and appreciate the insights. It works the other way too, women fear approaching men also. |
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last updated 4/21/2008 |
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