With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26 NIV)Angie Lewis (5,699)     Angie Lewis   Heaven Ministries Being Assertive Is Good For MarriagePosted Thursday, June 26, 2008 (9 days 23 hours ago.) Viewed 375 times. Being assertive is a good thing for marriage because it lets our spouse know how we are feeling and that means productive communication. Anytime we express ourselves to our spouse in a good way we are being confident in what we are saying and that is what assertiveness is. Don't confuse assertive behavior with being bossy, pushy, controlling, demanding, or aggressive because those behaviors will not help you in your communications with your spouse or with any others you are in a relationship with. These behaviors are inappropriate actions and will result in unproductive expression of self. When we assert ourselves, such as the way we feel, to our spouse, it helps them to understand us better, and that way they can meet our needs in a much better way, which is beneficial for the marriage. Being assertive is useful for marriage, especially during a misunderstanding or argument. Assertive expression is a good way to communicate if we want to improve the openness and intimacy of our marriage. Most of us married people need and want a spouse who is going to be open and assertive with their feelings, need, and wants. But sometimes we can come across as naggy, bossy, or complaining, so we need to be careful how we assert ourselves. Discernment is the key here.
Be Assertive When… 1. Be assertive when you need your spouse to know how you feel 2. Be assertive when you need to assert self-confidence in your ability about something 3. Be assertive when you feel that your spouse does not understand how you feel 4. Be assertive when you have children that need to obey your house rules 5. Be assertive when you want to show more self-assurance in certain areas of your life 6. Be assertive when you need to be open and honest 7. Be assertive when you find yourself people-pleasing
Don't Be Assertive If… 1. Don't be assertive if it is going to hurt someone emotionally, mentally, or spiritually 2. Don't be assertive if it does not let someone know how you feel about something 3. Don't be assertive if you are being pushy, controlling, or aggressively assertive 4. Don't be assertive if you are annoying or invalidating 5. Don't be assertive if it makes you selfish The best way to tell your spouse how you feel about something without them overthrowing your feelings is to first validate them and their opinion. Be positive first and then assert your own feelings and thoughts. Never put down, deny, or invalidate the way a person feels. Everyone thinks and feels differently and we should never deny another persons feelings, even if it differs from our own. If you are having an argument with your spouse, it is perfectly ok to assert your feelings and express yourself productively, meaning, if it is going to help the argument get to a resolve, than by all means tell it like it is. Be politely assertive and it will help the outcome of the argument. How To Be Politely Assertive 1. Be respectful at all times 2. Say how you feel, but don't say how someone else feels 3. Stay positive about the feelings of another 4. Be open and honest about how you feel People-pleasing spouses usually do not assert themselves and they end up feeling resentful and disappointed with the marriage. This is very detrimental to the marriage. Not only does your spouse not know how you feel but also they will not be able to assist in the recovery of your feelings through a resolution because they do not know what you want or need. What is people-pleasing? People-pleaser's want everyone to be happy. They work hard to make sure to please everyone but themselves. Resentment settles in causing animosity and other negative feelings. Ironically neither spouse is happy in this kind of marriage because the receiving spouse feels the resentment and bitterness of the people-pleaser spouse from their emotions and behaviors. Unfortunately, I have seen it happen over and over again, when a spouse does not speak up about what they want and need they become like a punching bag. They take in lots of taunting, rejection, and disrespect. But the minute they begin to assert themselves with self-confidence to their spouse they start getting the respect they deserve. The truth is we can still please our spouse and get what we want too, by being assertive about our wants and needs. We need to find balance that brings joy and happiness to the marriage. We shouldn't become selfish to be assertive, but we should become assertive to bring more happiness into the marriage. We can only please ourselves by letting others know how we feel. And when we do assert ourselves we feel more loving. Love will flow freely from our heart and this is real love. We assert ourselves so we can be more loving! Now, what spouse does not want to be genuinely loved by the man or woman they married? Strangely enough, the more we please ourselves, the better marriage partner we become. With our own needs fulfilled, we will have so much more to give. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. ( 1 John 4:11,12) Angie Lewis is the author of five marriage books offering marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction, adultery, pornography, emotions, beliefs, forgiveness, communication and much, much more. Adultery Pandemic is Angie's latest book. Turn Your Marriage Into A Success! If you want to restore your marriage from the demoralizing effects of adultery, then look no further - this is the book for you! Your Marriage Can Be Restored! A treasure book filled with effective guidance for your marriage from forgiveness and trust to recommitting your lives to each other again. Practical and easy-to-read, this book combines the solutions and remedies your marriage needs towards recovery. This book will give you the guidance you need to discover the true secrets to a happy, lifelong marriage. To preview these books go here: http://www.lulu.com/AngieLewis/ Marriage Resources-http://www.heavenministries.com/ 
Permalink Comments (1) Who Is Your Spouse Talking To On The Internet?Posted Friday, June 06, 2008 (30 days 3 hours ago.) Viewed 114 times. There is a lot of talk about unfaithfulness in marriage. I've written my fair share about cheating spouses and infidelity in marriage. This article will focus on a different kind of unfaithfulness, emotional infidelity. What is emotional infidelity? Emotional infidelity is interacting with others, besides the person you are married to, on an intimate and emotional level. Emotional infidelity is not a new issue, it has been going on for years, but since the advent of computers it has become a more prevalent practice among men and women, many of whom are married. It is so easy to just get online and meet people in chat rooms, dating sites, forums, and email that relationships can be sparked without even getting up from your computer desk. It starts out harmless, but eventually leads up to something other than just innocent chat. Emotional unfaithfulness happens when one or both spouses are emotionally disconnected from one another. In other words, when they feel they are not getting the validation and support they need from each other, they seek out someone who will give it to them. The Internet is a convenient and easy way to meet other people that will help you feel better about yourself. The strangers on the other end of the conversation will feed the empty spaces of your heart, giving you reason to continue the relationship. But is this a wise thing to be doing if you are married? Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. (Proverbs 6:25 NIV Internet relationships can be dangerous. You never really know who you are divulging your private and personal information to. Whoever it is you are interacting with, they too have a need to reveal themselves for the thrill of emotional intimacy, and then sometimes not revealing who they really are. I've heard of a case where a woman thought she was talking to a man for over six months, and together they shared secrets, intimate and romantic about each other through email. Come to find out, it was another woman she was getting steamy with all along. Internet predators, of all kinds, stalk the Internet, looking for innocent, vulnerable and naïve victims to captivate and do what they want with. If they want to meet with you somewhere on a physical level, I'd be VERY leery of that. Even though these relationships are not sexual in the physical sense, it can still become sexual in every other sense of the word. This is why it is called emotional unfaithfulness because it is just as unfaithful as the sexual act, if not worse. Lust is sin. It is impossible to fall in love with someone you have never met. Feelings tell you that something feels good and you may automatically think it is love. Just because something feels good, doesn't make it right. The feelings you are feeling are lustfulness mixed with hopefulness, mixed with a little bit of euphoria. I believe that with the proper communication between husbands and wives there wouldn't even be the temptation to involve themselves with the opposite sex. And of course, as innocent as it may seem at first, it is still wrong to become intimate with someone other than who you are married to. So where does God fit into all of this? Where does he fit in? For EVERYTHING in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:16-17 NIV) Angie Lewis is the author of five marriage books offering marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction, adultery, pornography, emotions, beliefs, forgiveness, communication and much, much more. "Adultery Pandemic" is Angie's latest book. Turn Your Marriage Into A Success! If you want to restore your marriage from the demoralizing effects of adultery, then look no further - this is the book for you! To preview these books go here: http://www.lulu.com/AngieLewis/ Marriage Resources-http://www.heavenministries.com/
Permalink Comments (0) Exposing The Adultery PandemicPosted Tuesday, June 03, 2008 (33 days 3 hours ago.) Viewed 82 times. What is a pandemic? According to Merriam Webster's online dictionary, a pandemic is an "outbreak" occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population. I would consider adultery to be of pandemic proportions considering the high rate of marital suffering, divorce, sickness and disease among a high proportion of the world. What do you think? Let's take a closer look and examine this issue. If you knew of a dangerous virus going around in the city where you lived that caused fever, chills, nausea, severe diarrhea, and vomiting, and death to those with a weak immune system, you would probably stay as far away from the city as possible? At the least, you would wear a hospital mask over your face to avoid the harmful germs, right? Adultery is like a virus but much worse. It spreads from person to person like a virus and if a person is not spiritually well, it will entangle them within its insidious hold and cause much spiritual and mental anguish, not to mention, in many cases, physical illness, deterioration, and death. As with any pandemic that we learn about we always go out of our way to avoid the offender, lest we too become sick. Viruses become a pandemic only because people do not take the needed precautions in the beginning of its destruction. Sometimes it is because of filthy conditions or lack of knowledge but once we figure out the cause we avoid it like the plague, no pun intended. Do we do that with sex outside of marriage? Why not? I would very much consider adultery to be a disease since it damages just as many individuals as does any bird flu virus or cholera. In fact adultery symptoms carry with it all kinds of harm to those affected by it, not only in the mental and spiritual sense but also in the physical sense. Adultery is the main cause of disease and sickness in people, not bird flu, influenza, cholera, or the ebola virus. But is anyone avoiding sex outside of marriage? Is anyone avoiding sex before marriage? Proverbs talks about what adultery and fornication can do to the human soul, mind, and body. People spray insect repellent on their bodies to stop mosquitoes from sucking their blood, and people stop eating contaminated meat so they will not contract the bird flu virus and Mad Cow disease. But what do people do to stop from having sex outside of marriage? Absolutely nothing! God does not stand over people with a paddle and tell them to stop having sex outside of marriage or to stop having sex before marriage. He lets them make their own choices in life. God lets us know that adultery and fornication are forbidden but the majority is not listening - they are caught up in the pandemic. What a disservice we are doing to our Creator by not staying spiritually fit and healthy. He has blessed us with wisdom and knowledge and yet we take it all for granted. What do you think temptation is? Temptation is not a sin - giving in to that temptation is. Everyone on this planet gets tempted, but not everyone gives into it. Why is that? How is your spiritual wellness? Are you spiritually able to say no? Why or why not? This is why Jesus said for us to not even "look" at another with lust in our heart because we will cave in. Isn't that what happens, "we look and we think" and then we cave in? But what if we did not "look" with lust in our eyes? What if we ask God daily to be our protector and watch over us? Is anyone making that choice? The pandemic of adultery is trying to suck everyone in with it, and doing pretty good job at it. Are you going to cave in and become entangled within its grip too? The consequences of adultery can actually result in people getting weak and diseased. That is why it is a sin. God wants us to be rich in love and healthy in our bodies and minds, but adultery and fornication cause us to be poor in love and sick in our bodies and minds. Do you see then, WHY God wants us to avoid adultery and fornication? Both will take away our health and wealth. "Now then, my sons listen to me; It is never to late to accept purity and love for your marriage - It is NOT too late. "Come out of her my people"! If you have been weak in the past but want to turn your life around, God will make you strong and prosperous. You can begin to make your marriage important to you and be a responsible and loving spouse. Faith in your Creator is all you need. He gives us the ammunition we need to stay away from temptation, but it is up to us to make the choice with our eyes and with our mind. We have choices. When someone is sick with a pandemic virus, we stay away from him or her. When someone we know is trying to lure us into temptation we have to stay away from those kinds of situations and people. The adultery pandemic will never go away. It is here to stay. But YOU do not have to be a part of it. We can choose to just say no! Angie Lewis has written five books on how to have a happy marriage. In her books she offers marriage tips, tools, techniques, and wisdom filled answers for you to apply in your marriage. Angie's latest book ADULTERY PANDEMIC is about the prevalence of infidelity among the Christian community and what you can do to protect yourself and marriage. If you or your spouse have been unfaithful, this book will give you the spiritual insight and wisdom to overcome this devastating battle to heal yourself and restore your marriage.
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