pink crane the bird whooping it up John Brazell sexy brazzel the secret spot sweet pillow talk giant marshmallow pillow pillow shaped like lifesavers poem of pillow talk sexy feather pillow fights sweet nothings sweet nothings to talk about on pillow sweetie nothings what kind of feathers were used in pillows in the cargo shorts george clooney nose basal cell nose mohs basal cell on my nose Beefsteaks Band

WHOOPING IT UP: A Search for the Elusive Pink Crane We were two not-yet-dry-behind-the-ear kids, with a lot of gray in our hair, who got caught up in a "snipe" hunt. This time we laughed about it. My sweetie and I got a hankering for an unhurried, uncluttered -- romantic in Dr. Phil speak --... ( added 6 days 1 hour ago.)

THE HEREAFTER: And after here A spiffy new funeral home opened up the road with a whiz-bang open house and tour of the facilities. You could say this was the big "dress up" rehearsal, um, social event of the weekend. Somehow I missed it, which could have been a good thing. ... ( added 27 days 9 hours ago.)

PILLOW TALK: Sweet nothings over a sack of feathers After all these years my sweetie and I are still passionate pillow-talkers. We talk about fat ones, skinny ones, striped ones, round ones and my favorite that came over on the Mayflower. She's fond of the Doris Day and Rock Hudson look two... ( added 49 days 7 hours ago.)

A PANT LOAD: Cargo Shorts Every now and then it's good to step back and evaluate what's important in life. On this particular day, my sweetie, in a "teachable moment" said it was a tissue left in my pants' pocket. "See, look in the washing machine -- fragments of... ( added 71 days 6 hours ago.)

BASAL CELL AND MOHS (And George Clooney's nose) I was born a "fair haired boy" but managed to get through my youth with none of the ballyhooed benefits. Rather I got sensitive skin, sunburn and a blush that was more accurate than a polygraph test. "Yep look at him blush, he's guilty" which, all... ( added 93 days 11 hours ago.)

I LOVE YOU LADY GODIVA (but mostly your chocolates) Some things just aren't right -- making fine chocolates with camel's milk is one of them. This news came out of the desert and I couldn't let it go. Ahab and Ajab, the militant Bill Gates and Steve Jobs of the Arabic World, know it's only a... ( added 109 days 3 hours ago.)

Is There Joy In Dormancy? Don't Bank On It I received a letter from my bank threatening to charge a fee if I didn't show some activity. Hey, most of us can get this kind of treatment lying on the couch at home. I'm your average extinctosaurus and know first hand there's just so much... ( added 127 days 7 hours ago.)

Are Women Born This Way? This is all about tongue bashing, er, lashing, but first a message and disclaimer from your sponsor. That would be me. Sometimes a semi-rational being goes loony tunes for no apparent reason (witness any male politician). It's unmercifully hot... ( added 144 days 3 hours ago.)

Co-Dependent: That's Amore In our household we followed the sociological pattern of most long-term cohabitants and ants -- we became codependent. "Codependent" used to be hyphenated but became a real word when Oprah said everybody's doing it. Note the first four letters... ( added 169 days 11 hours ago.)

BIG BOXES: Pack a Lunch, Enjoy Your Stay You're not going to believe it but I actually got someone to help me in a Big Box store. Everyone knows on the first page of the employee handbook is the universal Big Box creed: "Ignore the customers and they will roam the store and buy... ( added 184 days 9 hours ago.)

COO COO CA CHEW: Dove, more than a bar of soap The atmosphere in the most intimate corner, the master bedroom, changed from wooing to cooing. Romance flew out the window. For weeks, my sweetie's attention was drawn away. It was first thing in the morning, later at dusk and intermittently... ( added 196 days 8 hours ago.)

Sciatica -- a Coastal Town In Sicily or Second Baseman For the Yankees Three or four weeks ago, I came down with a case of Sciatica. You may know what that's all about but at the time I wasn't entirely sure. Since it sounded sort of Italian, I wondered if I'd eaten too much linguini. The long suffering little woman... ( added 212 days 9 hours ago.)

We've Got the Bells, Where Are the Whistles: Let's Pucker Up The first whistle was an accident, a lark. While eating a tart McIntosh Apple, nursing sore ribs, and tired of kissing, Adam said to Eve, "This one makes me pucker. Think I'll moisten my lips, curl my tongue and blow some hot air through... ( added 245 days 7 hours ago.)

Come Get Your Gold Star Sister and Offer Up a Testimony The "sugar and spice" member of our household is losing it. She's wasting away and her days are numbered . Really, she has joined many - including the Queen's second least favorite daughter-in-law - determined to chisel the chassis, kibosh the... ( added 261 days 6 hours ago.)

Bunions, Bootlegging and Fitting the Glass Slipper Of late, I affectionately call her "Long John" (Silver). In real life she's my lovely spouse of more than a few years, SB, who is recovering from foot surgery. For now she's the lovely peg-legged SB. Hmm, or is boot-legged? She wears... ( added 273 days 9 hours ago.)

Careful What You Wish For -- I Feel So Violated After yet another near miss by a missile zipping through an intersection on a red light, I declared softly to my rigid copilot, "Cameras, my dear, should be stationed in every intersection as a reminder to those nice people in a hurry that... ( added 283 days 8 hours ago.)

FUMBLING IN THE DARK - A novel way to discover body oil Here's a true story, promise, and so help me Hannah. It's somewhat embarrassing, slightly "Adult" and I'm only sharing because it's cold and yucky outside. My golf game was canceled for the eighth week ... financials are in the toilet ...... ( added 293 days 9 hours ago.)

Beefsteak, Band-Aid or Mardi Gras Mask This was a small bump in the road, the kind that could get you thrown in jail. My main girl came home from her doctor's appointment with a couple of small discolorations on her face that quickly turned into bruises. To her they appeared the size... ( added 307 days 8 hours ago.)

Flying Elbows and Specimen Cups Scribbled in the margin of my new calendar is "Remember annual physical, February 10." That's a scant few weeks away. Yep, I agree, hand me the Martha Stewart Numbness Award . Back in August I took the "first available" appointment time. It didn't... ( added 319 days 9 hours ago.)

Wear a Name Tag and Bring Candy I first met Lena when she shared a nursing home dining table with my mother-in-law. Though she was in Dallas to receive care and be near family, her heart remained in the place of her carefree youth, Llano, a picturesque little town up Highway 71... ( added 339 days 20 hours ago.)

O'tannenbaum TWO YEARS AGO: Our Christmas tree is out of the house and lying instate on the front lawn. It awaits its ultimate demise in our city's chipping machine. Still my lovely walks by to both admire and mourn God's work of pine perfection. If... ( added 347 days 9 hours ago.)

Humor - Moon River My first car was a '39 Mercury clunker that my grandfather gave me when I was fifteen. It wasn't a perfect car. A couple of small holes had rusted through the roof near the front passenger side which on a clear day offered a glimpse of the sky... ( added 363 days 8 hours ago.)

EERIE EARIE CANAL: Goo is good for you The subject today is a trifle indelicate so we'll treat it as gently as we can. Okay? You know that yucky brownish-gold stuff that accumulates in your ears and takes on the texture of shoe polish? Leave it in there as it's good for you, or so... ( added 1 year 7 days ago.)

Humor - a Soapless Cause This is a clean story, or dirty, depending on your point of view. I'm embarrassed to say that at my advanced age, or because of it, I've not yet learned to use bath gel -- on my own person, of course. That would be standing alone in a shower... ( added 1 year 40 days ago.)

Teed Off (Golf Humor) I was standing on number one tee last Monday excited and glad to be there. It was not unusual as with any golfer worth his four-letter word vocabulary, this was going to be my new best round. On or about the fourth hole I was wondering why I... ( added 1 year 74 days ago.)