Remembering the First Military Draft Lottery. As I have previously written, the Fak family is cleaning house. Of course that meant going through old papers. I wonder if I can throw my cancelled checks from 1971 away just yet. In my cleaning, I came across an old album that held all the... ( added 1 year 135 days ago.)

Chronicles of a Flea Marketer: the Toys, the Tent and My Wardrobe Our son is 23 years old and is officially done with his former life of toy collector. Of course mom and dad actually have been the collectors for these past two decades as an attic filled with toys would attest. We have a small Fourth of July... ( added 1 year 138 days ago.)

It Takes All Kinds To Make a Funny World. I have used the expression, "a bunch of crap" many times but I didn't know people in Russia think that is a tourist attraction. A monument to the enema has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian town of Zheleznovodsk. The 800 pound... ( added 1 year 142 days ago.)

Tips For Submitting Your Writing Well I have one month on my new job and it has been a real learning experience. Like I said before, news happens on its own schedule and not according to mine or anyone else's. I am getting better. In effect I start at 5:00 a.m. and usually have... ( added 1 year 145 days ago.)

The Mystery of the Missing Dryer Balls Over the years of our marriage I have been blamed for quite a bit of what has gone wrong. Actually I have been blamed for everything. My wife bases those accusations on the fact that it is always my fault when something is missing or breaks. She... ( added 1 year 149 days ago.)

Creative Writing Might Be a Good Accident Besides the comments posted in my last article, I received a number of e-mails directly to me. That's fine. I understand sometimes a person has a personal comment or question and I'm always happy to chat with my fellow Warpies. In case you didn't... ( added 1 year 151 days ago.)

Writing Should Always Be Fun I recently agreed to become Managing Editor of a local on line newspaper in my town. It just fit my personality perfectly and it allows me to consider myself a permanent, full time writer without fear of having to go back into painting church... ( added 1 year 156 days ago.)

Health Care; Twenty Questions To Answer Before It’s Too Late. I had to renew my health insurance the other day. The premiums keep going up so I keep raising the deductible but that is near the end of the rope. I mean how many operations have a cost of more than $2.5 million which is what I just bumped my out... ( added 1 year 163 days ago.)

Computer Dating; Mike's Redneck and or Slob Computer Dating Service I'm tired of all these computer dating services. If you look at these people as they ogle each other on the TV commercials, two things are obvious. One, they had similar lie patterns which got them together and two, they are relatively normal... ( added 1 year 166 days ago.)

I Admit It. I’m a Sucker For Baby Animals Well this is a story about Fak's garden, number two. I call it number two since number one helped a momma rabbit and three baby rabbits get through the cold spring nights with a full belly. Out of roughly fifty tomato, cantaloupe and bean plants... ( added 1 year 170 days ago.)

Boating 101; Remember the Plug. My neighbor recently pulled a nice, new boat down the alley and into his garage. He is still young with three little ones and he and his family enjoy the water. As I walked over to admire his new family boat, I remembered my own excursion with the... ( added 1 year 173 days ago.)

The Great Elevator Demolition Fiasco I have begun to work on the north side of my house. The tarp is slowly getting rolled up the wall as I replace studs and begin to nail clapboard in place over the old framing. The project will take a while. The gap on the sidewall is six feet wide... ( added 1 year 179 days ago.)

Blundering With a Mouse In the House. I knew exactly what was wrong but I didn't say a word to my wife or son. Jackson, my ever faithful cat, had been spending a great deal of time sniffing the air around the console television in the TV room. My wife asked, "What do you think she... ( added 1 year 184 days ago.)

Presidential Ideas if I run for the Oval Office. I talked last month about running for President of the United States. As gas keeps climbing along with everything else, the government comes out with a report stating inflation is only .2 percent for last month so I have to start giving serious... ( added 1 year 191 days ago.)

Gardening Chicago Style; War declared on Rabbits. The following is a redacted war report filed by Sergeant Michael Fak (retired) on the theater of operations during the time period of 6 May through 10 May, 2008. Some information deemed as vital to security has been removed for obvious reasons. ... ( added 1 year 194 days ago.)

Flip Flops a Blundering Fashion Statement I went to see my son at college last week and since it is finally getting warmer outside, the kids were shedding their heavy garb for more summery clothes. One thing that I just shook my head at is the fact that at least 75% of the students I saw... ( added 1 year 198 days ago.)

Blundering with the Fine Arts Disclaimer; I want it understood that I am making fun of myself and not the arts. I readily admit I have no couth, culture, or sophistication in my persona. I am a basic meat or road kill and potatoes kind of guy and thus this story sheds light on... ( added 1 year 201 days ago.)

Gardening Chicago Style; Blundering in the Dirt If you have been following my written accounts of life according to me you know my latest obsessive compulsion is vegetable gardening. The weather has been warming up and the plants are ready for their foray into the great jungle known as Mike... ( added 1 year 204 days ago.)

Getting Old Has Advantages I was having a conversation with a casual friend the other day and when I told him how it was hell getting old he asked me how old I was. I told him I will be 60 this summer and he seemed shocked. He stated he was five years younger but that I... ( added 1 year 208 days ago.)

Medical Blunders the Butt of Criticism A New York State Supreme Court judge has ruled that a hospital did nothing wrong when it tried to give a rectal exam to a hurt construction worker. The construction worker and his attorney beg to differ with the judge and state the hospital didn't... ( added 1 year 211 days ago.)

New Reality TV Network Could Help Taxpayers I mentioned last week my contemplation of running for president. I still haven't made up my mind but I like this idea whether it's me or someone else in the White House. My idea is to have a new branch of government that makes us money rather than... ( added 1 year 215 days ago.)

Are Plants People too? Well I have to tell you all how the new gardening hobby is going. I think it is going really well but I fear there are some dark and troubling days ahead. I just wasn't prepared for some of the decisions I will have to make with these plants in... ( added 1 year 222 days ago.)

Sometimes the News is just Funny. I have written before that I couldn't make up some of the crazy stories in the news even if I was good at being funny. These past few days are no exception. Check out these absolutely goofy bits of news for the week. In Las Vegas, a popular... ( added 1 year 226 days ago.)

Blundering into a Practical Joke. I like to joke around with people. I don't know why but I love putting someone on if I can. I don't believe in malicious pranks or pranks that can cause people worry or stress. I think there is plenty of good clean humor in this world of ours... ( added 1 year 229 days ago.)

Gardening, Chicago Style. I get this urge about once every few decades. I don't know why but I have the "bug" again. I'm doing a garden this year although my track record doesn't bode well for my having any success. Let me take you through the annals of the "History of... ( added 1 year 234 days ago.)