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Barbara Clark ⁽⁵⁸¹⁾ Blue Level Author

Barbara Clark

http://spiritedstrider.blogspot.com

Who Do You Turn To?

Posted Saturday, February 28, 2009 (252 days 18 hours ago.) Viewed 1,102 times.

In troubled times, who do you turn to? Do you talk to a friend, your spouse or significant other, or a family member? Perhaps you turn to your pastor, priest, rabbi or other religious figure. Others may have a professional therapist they talk to. Do you look within yourself to work things out through reflection, prayer, writing or meditation? Do you talk to God? Perhaps you find ways to distract yourself so that your troubles will seem non-existent. Eventually, the troubles will find a way to pop up again if you don't deal with them and seek support.

I consider myself a highly spiritual person who is open to many beliefs, experiences and people who don't call themselves Christian. I know that I am developing spiritually everyday, which is what my life journey is about. This week's column may be controversial for some. Certainly, there will be some who will not agree with me and that is okay. I am writing to share my walk with being a Christian and what my own sense of spirituality currently means to me. I do so in order to share my experience with the purpose that it will help someone who needs it. I know my purpose is to serve others so it is in that spirit that I touch upon this topic.

I grew up in church, went to Sunday School regularly, read my Bible and even sang for years in the church choir. I wouldn't substitute or trade these experiences for anything. In my early adult years, I turned away from the organized church for awhile and found myself immediately drawn back to it when times got rough. These grounded teachings of my youth were the foundation of my support in later years.

During the most turbulent times of my life, I found myself praying a lot. I was in such need of support and guidance and felt that God wasn't answering my prayers. I literally was begging God to help me. That was the problem: it was all about me and with a fierce, deep, and often desperate, intensity.

So I was praying most of the time when I wanted something. Looking back, I was so self-centered in my prayers. I knew that I needed to learn how to pray in a better way that would lead me closer to God, so I began a more serious study of how to pray. I even became a certified lay speaker in my church along the way! I sought spiritual guidance from my pastor at the time and she helped me in so many ways that words cannot express. I am very grateful to her for her support and spiritual guidance.

Then something amazing happened. As I studied and practiced various ways of prayer, listened to every type of preacher I could, read more of the Bible and started praying more for others than myself, I developed a deeper, more personal relationship with God. I can also very honestly say that Jesus saved me. To Him, I am forever grateful.

A big turning point for me was when I began to pray for someone in my life who previously had made me feel bitter and vindictive. Those are very destructive feelings to have. I knew that these feelings of anger, bitterness and revenge were only hurting me and that I needed healing from these emotions. So I began by praying for this person.

At first, I didn't really "believe" what I was praying, but I continued to pray for him anyway. In fact, in the beginning, I honestly can say that I did it for self-motivated reasons. Over time, my negative feelings for this person melted away and then I realized that I had truly forgiven him. And the greatest gift from this experience is that I had forgiven myself! God gave me the forgiveness I needed both for him and myself! All of this was done through prayer and love: loving myself enough to immediately recognize these negative feelings inside of me, asking for forgiveness for having these feelings and praying in love for this person.

Looking back on all of it, I did a whole lot of "judging" of this person during the bad times. I learned it wasn't up to me to judge him, but to accept him for who he is, be grateful for having had him in my life and to let it all go. The only way I could do that was by staying in love, walking in love and seeking love.

Judging people is a dangerous path to walk. Are you perfect? Is anyone? Of course not! Yet our society gives us the impression that we can obtain perfection. Isn't it really in the eyes of the beholder? What is perfect for you is not perfect for me and vice-versa. Yet we judge each other so much. There are so many "shoulds" in the world, particularly by organized religion. If we look and listen to many people who call themselves Christian, you will probably observe that many are not good role models of loving behavior, as Jesus taught us how to live.

I am no saint so please don't take that the wrong way. It is not up to me to judge people, their actions and behaviors. I say this only as an observation, totally based on my personal experience. I witnessed it in my own church, which made me question whether I belonged there anymore. I haven't gone back to church for some time now. Currently, I am not regularly attending any organized religious place. I am looking around, exploring and seeing if there is a place where the church community feels right for me. If I find one that feels right, I will keep going back. If not, I am not going to worry about it.

I have seen people's loyalty to their own church, denomination or faith get in the way of how Jesus taught us how to live. I have seen so many people suffer from condemnation because they are not living up to what their denomination's doctrine says they "should" be like, act like and what they should think. I have seen it even from the religious leaders, so no one is immune.

Organized religion has a lot of "rules" which lend themselves to judgments, which can lead us to feelings of guilt and condemnation when we or others don't live up to those expectations. There are rules in some churches of how you dress, what you say, who can serve in what positions, how long the sermon is, whether or not you can get married there, whether or not you can get a divorce and be "right" in the eyes of God, responses to prayers during the sermon, what you sing, how you praise, who can become a member, how you pray and when you pray it, and the list goes on!

I have seen and heard people gossip about other church members, frown upon a newcomer to the church because of his or her clothes, witnessed countless power struggles between church members and church leaders, people judging each other and all in the name of Jesus! That is not very Christian-like, in my view. (I have also seen a whole lot of good things being done, so please don't misunderstand me.) For every time I see or hear or witness negativity being expressed in a church setting, I ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" or "How would Jesus respond?"

Jesus stands for love. Jesus taught acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, generosity, healing...the list of beautiful lessons is many! You don't have to be Christian to find value in studying the teachings of Jesus. There is value there for everyone. I believe that there is value in studying the master teachers of every major world religion and philosophy. For me, Jesus is the perfect example of how to walk in love. He taught us to love unconditionally and especially toward those who society often defines as 'outcasts.' If Jesus returned today (as many Christians believe he will do), would we welcome him with open arms? Would we even know if we saw him?

Now I realize that wherever groups are formed, rules tend to be made or we would have anarchy in the world. An organized church is an example of a group that has developed its own set of rules. I am not suggesting that churches be disbanded, but there is value in looking around you and within you, observing and determining whether your current situation still works for you. If you are in a church now, pay attention to what the messages are that are being conveyed. Do these messages still work for you? Or are you only there because this was the way in which you were raised? Are you there because you feel some sort of obligation? Perhaps you have committed yourself to some leadership role and don't know how to now get out of it. Do you really know what you believe and does your church represent your deepest beliefs? Do you feel comfortable with your church and its members? Does it give you a feeling of trust that you can go there in times of trouble? How do you think Jesus would react to your church? If the answers to these questions are positive for you, then that's probably the place for you to be. If not, maybe it's time for you to reflect upon and think about exploring other options, without guilt about doing so. No one says that we have to stay in the same place our entire life. Who says? It is okay to explore and grow and it's ok to do so without feeling guilty about it!

So who do you turn to in times of trouble? What is really in your heart? It doesn't matter to me if you are Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or from some other organized religion. Even if you think you're an Atheist (and I bet that "atheists" in the most desperate of times may call out to God at some moment), it is helpful to ask yourself who you turn to in times of need and trouble in life. I have learned in my journey that what matters most is the walk I do in love, with love and in being love.

In being love, we practice love. If we practice love, which Jesus said was the greatest of all the commandments, we grow spiritually by leaps and bounds. We learn to forgive ourselves and others. We learn to love ourselves and others. We are more at peace. The more we focus on these emotions and feelings and practice them in our daily lives, the more these qualities come to us, in the form of people, places, circumstances, inspirations, ideas and opportunities. The essence of being love to all, including ourselves, is that it brings us into a closer relationship with God. We feel God. We can hear Him. We know what to do next. We have God within us. That is the beauty of my journey.

To be love is to know God. God is love. How many times have we heard that? Do you believe it? If you do and want to have more love in your life and don't know where to start, try spending quiet time with yourself everyday. It may just be five minutes a day to start. Start by closing your eyes and just "listening" to whatever comes up. Your mind will probably be going at a hundred miles an hour, but with time and practice, you will learn to "quiet" your mind. Make room for God to speak to you. If you are comfortable with prayer, ask God for guidance on how best to start. Consider meditation. There are CDs and audios that you can buy to get you started, if you don't know how to do it. If you find this difficult or don't want to invest money on anything right now, then just focus on your breath. In addition, don't forget to focus on feeling good, too! The more you focus on feeling good, the more you will feel good and in time, the longer the "quiet" time will be. You'll feel more at peace and more "good" will come to you. Pay attention to how great it feels. Then try to remember these feelings of "good," "joy," "love," and "peace." Soak it in. When trouble sets in again, try to focus your attention back to these wonderful feelings and it will help you.

I believe that one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to explore these issues. Who do you turn to in times of trouble? Is that working? If so, how can you deepen the connection so that less "trouble" comes your way? (You will find that as you grow that you don't view it as "trouble" anymore, too!) If your support system is not working, then try something different. The important thing is to start, even if you don't "feel" forgiving, loving, positive or any of those loving states of being! Pretend that you do and it will come. You will be transformed. Love yourself enough to start and see where it takes you.

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Why Do You Eat? A Multiple Choice Test Question

Posted Thursday, February 19, 2009 (261 days 9 hours ago.) Viewed 1,609 times.

Why do you eat? Are you asking yourself, "Is this a trick question?" Or perhaps you're thinking, "The answer is obvious: because I get hungry!" While that may be the obvious answer, there are a significant number of people who eat for a variety of other reasons. In fact, I would guess that many of us eat for many reasons, but rarely because we are really hungry. If we do, many of us don't stop when we feel satisfied, but continue to eat to the point where we overeat: so we are eating for some other reason than hunger.

Some of us may eat because of a scheduled time in which to do so, whether at work or at home; because we are bored, sad, depressed, stressed, lonely, angry, happy, or for a variety of other emotional reasons; out of habit in certain social situations, such as at cocktail parties, holidays, or family gatherings; because we are on a "diet" that says we have to eat certain foods at certain times or in certain intervals; or even because you feel bad if you don't say "no" to the person serving you. There are so many other reasons that many people choose to eat, or continue eating, even though they are not hungry.

As part of my goal to live intentionally and improve my overall health, I am learning how to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm satisfied. In Marna Goldstein Thall's research of naturally thin people, she discovered that the only reason the truly naturally thin eat is because they are hungry. They don't eat for any other reason: period.

I am intending to develop this same habit and become a thinner me. So if in the process of eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm satisfied, I eat 8 times in one day and 2 times the next, then that's ok because I'm listening to my body. It's as if I am pretending to be a baby again but the difference is that I don't have to whimper and cry to my mom to feed me!

Being the overweight person that I am, this has been a very big learning experience for me, as I'm realizing that I had forgotten how it feels to really listen to my body: to stop and ask myself "Am I really hungry?" before I take that next bite, and to really taste each bite, ideally without distractions.

Having never been naturally thin, I am learning from this new process that I eat for a lot of reasons other than hunger. Thus, I am actually "feeding" something else, other than a hungry stomach! In my quest to live my life as intentionally as I can, I am learning to change these habits that contributed to my current bodily condition. In doing so, I'm addressing the real reasons why I eat and it's pretty complex. It's a lot of work asking this question and searching for those answers.

With today's "diet mentality," following this simple strategy of "eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm satisfied" can be particularly challenging as there are so many "experts" who offer their advice saying that we have to eat certain foods, avoid others, always eat breakfast, stop eating after a certain time of day, or count points or calories, to name a few. Have you noticed the variety of opinions about all of the "ideal ways to lose weight?"

So if you want to stop dieting once and for all, my advice is to eat when you're hungry; stop when you're satisfied. You will begin to change the way you approach food and to get back in tune with your body. For many, it may be the first time since you were a baby that you're so in sync with your stomach! In doing so, you will begin to discover the real reasons you're feeding yourself and the process of self-discovery can be very healing.

If you find yourself going to the refrigerator out of habit at night, opening the door and standing there-searching for something that looks good within it to eat, ask yourself, "Am I really hungry?" You may find that you actually are not, and you are looking for something else to comfort yourself. If you always eat something while watching television, are you really paying attention to the signals that your stomach may or may not be sending you? I bet you're paying more attention to the television and less to your body. Try turning off the television and pay attention to what your body is saying to you. Savor each bite. Pay attention to your food and try to eat as slowly as you can. You will taste your food (perhaps for the first time in a long time).

So, why do you eat? It's a simple question with a multitude of answers, even longer than a typical multiple choice test question! I intend to eliminate those choices on this multiple choice question down to one that I can check: because I am hungry! What about you?

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