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I recently experienced the wonder of childbirth, again. I'm now a very proud father of two boys. Technically my wife has two as well; I'm just not sure if they're the same kids as mine. Hers are well behaved, angelic and cute. Mine, well let me put it this way...

 

Whenever my kids turn up they're accompanied by my wife's accusations: "Your child has broken another toy, a window and both his arms." Or, "He's your boy, you have to tell him off for painting the walls with spaghetti sauce", I guess you get the idea.

 

By now you're no doubt getting a tiny inkling of the tremendous pain I was in watching my wife give birth.

 

Of course the really unfair part about it all is that your wife gets to experience the wonder and joy of being pregnant, feeling a life move inside her belly, she gets to give birth and breast feed, something we men will never be able to do.

 

To rub salt into the wound, all of these things allow her to bond with the child in a way that you will never ever be able to replicate or experience. Sure she goes through a little pain to get there, but almost as soon as the birthing process ends, she has a seemingly complete cessation of pain and experiences a moment of euphoria.

The man must live with the vivid and mentally scaring images of childbirth for the rest of his life, hear the torturous screams replaying in his nightmares and be haunted by his complete inability and failure during childbirth to shut the annoying noise off.

 

Perhaps worst of all, he'll likely have to appear sympathetic to his wife's little aches and pains for weeks on end, all while surreptitiously icing his throbbing and incredibly bruised hand which she callously injured with her vicious and cruel vulture-like grip.

 

I think it's pretty clear who the real hero's of childbirth are.

 

Despite all the inequities, the ongoing pain and all the hardships that men endure, there are some upsides. You can smoke a cigar after the birth if you want, you get to send out a bragging text message to everyone about how brave you were during the ordeal and you get to be a dad.

 

That last part is actually pretty great.

 

Eventually the mental scars will start to heal, the pain will ease and you'll be left with a snotty nosed upstart that takes your comfy chair and snatches up the remote before your tired old bones can settle into the uncomfortable second choice that is the "mother's chair".

 

So, while I do freely admit that men are the real victims and heroes of the birthing process, I nonetheless urge other men to take my outstanding and remarkable example and suck it up!

 

Do your best to enjoy the miracle of birth.

 

Let's face it, there's no point complaining about how the doctors and nurses give all their attention to the woman, or the fact that we're now expected to be present for the birth, there's not even any point complaining about the terrible damage inflicted upon our hands by our so called loved ones.

 

When it boils down to it, women just aren't very sympathetic creatures. It's not the way they were made.

 

Michael Jackson, the King of Pop and arguably one of the greatest entertainers and performers of all time has died at the age of 50, after suffering cardiac arrest.

Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman Devin Gales would not confirm Jackson's identity but said that paramedics had attended an address corresponding to the star's home at 12:21pm and the person was consequently taken to UCLA Medical Center.

Attempts were made to resuscitate Michael enroute, however he arrived unresponsive at the Medical Center and was pronounced dead at 2:26pm on Thursday 25th June 2009.

Michael's father Joe Jackson told E! Online he had been contacted about the emergency but would not confirm specific details at this stage.

"I am in Las Vegas, but yes, people in Los Angeles called me and are with Michael and tell me he was taken to the hospital," he said. "I am not sure what's wrong. I am waiting to hear back from them."

A large crowd is gathering outside the Medical Center to pay their respects to the deceased pop star.

Michael Jackson was on born on August 29 1958, the seventh of nine children. He started performing when he was only 11 years old as part of the very successful family group "The Jackson 5". Michael went on to even greater fame and fortune when his solo career took off in the late seventies and throughout the eighties with phenomenal successes like Off The Wall, Bad and of course Thriller, the best selling album of all time.

Michael was due to start a keenly awaited concert tour in London, his first in nearly a decade, comprising of more than 50 shows world wide.

Organises of the concert had stressed that a previous postponement of a month had not been related to rumours of Michaels poor health.

In recent times Michael's incredible string of pop hits, music videos and astounding live performances had been overshaded by his escentricities including multiple plastic surgeries, dangling his children out of windows and off balconies, purchasing the bones of the Elephant Man and of repeated accusations of child molestation which culminated in charges being laid in 2005 for which Michael was eventually aquitted.

No matter what you thought of Michael Jackson himself, there is no doubting the impact he had on people all around the world, from all walks of life.

Jackson is destined to be remembered for his incredible contributions to music and the entertainment industry. Michael had an innate ability to combine music styles and genres and consistantly provide uniquely Michael Jackson creations that transcended generational barriers. He will be remembered as one of the truly greats of all time, and likened to The Beatles and Elvis Presley; forever immortalised for their creative genius.

In memory of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop.



Will you miss Michael? Have your say below...

I don't believe in climate change
Or in the dangers of passive smoke
I don't believe that guns can kill
Or the economy is going broke

I don't believe in mental illness
Or people who don't believe in God
I don't believe in evolution
Or that horses should be shod

I don't think we should immunise
Or rape victims be allowed to choose
I don't believe the world is round
Or that it's safe to eat genetic food

But I do believe in burning witches
And sending them straight to hell
And I do believe in using torture
If it stops a tyrants spell

I do believe in taxing taxes
And running cars on gas
And I do believe in beating seals
And watching their last gasp

I do believe in terrorists
And giving up my rights
I do believe in paying more
To let others live in fright

Now you may say that there is hunger
And that we have a part to play
But I assure you, my girth is growing
For I eat well, every single day

You may say that child labour
Is a cruel and moral wrong
But check out my new nike's
They were going for a song

You may say the water's rising
That it's impossible to miss
But I truly do not see it
For my ignorance is bliss...

 

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