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Meanderings And Other Stuff

Camille Strate ^(1,392) Bronze Level Author

Camille Strate

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A Word On Conflict ~ What Horses Can Teach Us (Puny Humans)

Posted Tuesday, October 27, 2009 (11 days 8 hours ago.) Viewed 1,282 times.

If you've ever been on the back of a bucking horse you've not doubt felt the power of these magnificent creatures...along with the pure exhilaration and absolute terror of the moment. When it happens, all you can do is hold and and hope it doesn't kill you. I've experienced this more than a few times, and I can tell ya...it's something you never forget.

I'm one of the lucky ones.
I'm still here to talk about it.

Why horses buck is no mystery. There are a few reasons why they do it ~ fear, or because they have some extra 'ya-ya's they need to get out (younger horses do this all the time. It's fun to watch...so long as you're not right next to them when they do it!), and sometimes, it's plain old frustration. They don't know what you're asking for. There are some 'links of knowledge' that are missing. They're confused, which leads to fear, which leads to full-blown YEEEEEHAWW! The trick, of course, is to remain calm (right!) and ride it out.

People, on the other hand, tend to handle frustration quite a bit differently. Some may react with anger and try to force a solution to the issue. Or maybe resort to the 'same old same old', as in repeating the same behavior and/or reaction, making the same unsuccessful efforts over and over and expecting a different result. I believe Mr. Einstein called this the definition of insanity. Some people react with resignation and abandon their efforts completely.

Another way to respond is with deliberation. Seeing that we're in over our heads, we can step back from the situation and start looking for ways to gain enough knowledge to come up with a workable solution. That is, if we don't let our egos get in the way. Always a problem. After all, it can be kinda hard to admit when we've come up against a situation we thought we were prepared for, but really weren't. It's not an easy thing, coming to the 'last link' in our chain of knowledge.

But here's the thing: whenever we're met with situations like this, especially if we're having to deal with someone else in their frustrated state, it's absolutely essential to not react. Take a minute (or 10) to see what's going on. Don't retaliate. Don't make some snarky comment. Don't push back. Because every time we do that, all we do is fuel the flames of that fire, make the other person feel even more defensive, AND make ourselves feel equally icky. It just doesn't work. The crap just grows and grows, turning into some ridiculous contest of wills. And it's not uncommon for the conversation to turn into the same kind of stupid crap we did when we were in grade school. Name calling. Finger pointing. Foot stomping insanity. NOT fun.

While some may argue that it's important to resolve an issue quickly, I tend to think there are times when it's best to just IGNORE them. When someone resorts to name calling and the like, it's usually because they're scared, insecure and simply not mature enough to handle the situation. Why bother fighting with that? If you just walk away, without saying a single word, it's quite likely (that) you'll simply take the air out of the whole stupid mess. If you don't retaliate, there's not a whole hellofalot they can do. Like the proverbial air in a balloon...it just fizzes out and drops to the floor. Then, after the person in question has a little time to think about what they've said and/or done, they may just see what you were trying to show them in the first place. But even if they don't, you still don't have to do their dance. After all, it is NOT your job to school every person you run across. It's their job to figure it out. Your only responsibility is to insure your own evolution, without harm, without malice, without judgment.

Just remember: It takes TWO to Tango.

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A Simple Religion ~ The Heart Is The Temple

Posted Sunday, October 25, 2009 (13 days 13 hours ago.) Viewed 36 times.

The beautiful Dalai Lama has said, "This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness."

Wise words indeed, from a man who has devoted his life to spreading peace and love throughout the world. Sound familiar?

The Dalai Lama's teachings are very much like those of Jesus of Nazareth. And of Buddha. And Ghandi. And a host of other great teachers who have tried and tried (and tried!) to tell us that the way to love is love. The way to peace is peace. The way to life is life.

In the Tao Te Ching there is a quote that says, "the Tao that can be named is not the Tao."

As with most writings, this is left entirely to one's own interpretation. I may see that thought as a way of saying, 'You can't put a name on it. It's about how it feels'. Someone else might interpret it as 'Tomato, tomahhhto. It's all the same fruit.' The point is, regardless of what one believes or how one practices said beliefs, it is an entirely personal interpretation.

So why is it that so many people insist on converting other people? Why do so many religious factions teach that their followers must 'spread the word'? Why have so many people been killed in the name of religion? Do you realize that more deaths have resulted 'in the name of God' than for any other 'cause'....ever? Even Hitler had his religious beliefs that compelled him to do what he did. Same goes with the Ku Klux Klan. Oh yes. Those fellows are deeply "religious"; "good, God-fearing Christians". See what I mean? Interpretation.

Now, before anyone gets their shorts in a huff, let me say that I am in no way condemning anyone else's beliefs. We all have them and we are most certainly entititled to them. No one has the right to tell anyone else what to believe. Nor does anyone have the right to say what is 'right or wrong' in regard to said beliefs. The whole reason this comes up now is because of this writer's observations of late. Things that are far too 'loud' to ignore. Things that have caused me to have a more open-minded view of humans in general.

So many people are struggling right now. Not just in the United States, but all around the world. People are hungry and cold and frightened of what is to come. We seem to be a species on the verge of .... evolution.

Not revolution.
EVOLUTION.

Does it mean that our evolution is leading us to annihilation or does it mean we are about to break through to an even higher level of consciousness? Is this whole "2012" thing going to mean the end of the world, or merely the end of the world as we know it? Are we hurtling toward mass destruction or are we about to undo all the horrors we've been living for the past 2500 years?

There are as many ways to interpret the teachings as there are people on the planet. None of them is wrong. At least not in the eyes of the believer. While some of the methods used by various religious factions may seem horrible and terrifying, those who practice them see them as 'right'. Even the followers of the Taliban think they're right. Terrifying? Yes indeed. Because their methods are, to those who don't 'believe' the same thing, barbaric and cruel. Unspeakably cruel. Nightmarishly cruel. But are they 'wrong'? If we cannot understand their methods, is it merely because we don't feel the same way they do? Or is it because we see that they are driven by the fears that have been ingrained in their teachings? Again, just one 'perspective'. I'd be willing to bet that those who practice this religion don't see it that way. They see 'their way' as the only way to honor their "God". Back to interpretation.

And so, herein lies our biggest challenge. When we all realize that we are connected; inherently and eternally connected to one another, the killing will stop. The wars will stop. The 'conversions' will stop. Because it seems to me that we all have one thing in common:

We all want to live our lives in peace, with love, and without fear. All of us. Even the boneheads who start the wars. Even the murderous suicide bombers. Even the terrorists who blow up school houses. They want it too. They just don't know how. It is their fear that motivates them. The more fearful they are, the more they push to control the 'little people' around them. And yes, even greed is stemmed in fear. Fear of lack. Fear of time. Fear of DEATH.

The sooner we all realize these simple truths, the sooner we will see what Jesus of Nazareth wanted so much for us to live. He, like the Buddha and so many others after them, wanted us to realize that it doesn't matter what you call it, what matters is that you live with your heart. What matters is that The One That Has No Name is a part of each and every one of us. We are It and It is us. No separation. No 'here and there'. No 'on the other side'.

Right here, right now, we all have access to love and kindness. We all have the power to live this love and kindness. All we need do is CHOOSE to live it. And quit with all the fussing about who's right and who's wrong. The more we 'push against', the more we push ourselves away from these truths.

Simple as that.

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When Helping Does More Harm Than Good ~ The Dangers of Enabling

Posted Sunday, October 11, 2009 (27 days 12 hours ago.) Viewed 813 times.

Regardless of one's chosen field of work, or the manner in which we use your gifts, most of us have come across people in our lives who absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their actions, their situations, their own lives. It could be a family member, a dear friend, a co-worker, even a spouse. These are the people we may care most about, yet, even if we're the very best at what we do, there's no amount of "try" that will change a thing. You know it. I know it. Sadly, they do not.

It is, perhaps, one of the most frustrating things to encounter, especially if you've made your own great strides in becoming more of who you are. When we've come through our own storms and seen, from the other side of that storm, just what we accomplished, exactly how much "more" we are now than we were before the storm, it can be very challenging indeed to keep one's mouth shut. It can be the greatest challenge of all when we see how much pain someone we love is in, and not have a stitch of power to do anything about it. The very best we can do is hold a vision in our own minds of that person well and happy. Beyond that, it's all up to them.

As someone who has managed to ride out a host of her own storms, it's much easier for me to see that it's not my job. It's not my job to pull someone out of the wreckage, particularly if they want to be there. No amount of wisdom, kindness, patience, love, tolerance, etc....is going to change their mind. Because, the bottom line is: they're there because they want to be.

Sad. But oh-so-true.

It has become equally apparent to me that the worst thing I can do in such situations is to enable. Another very slippery slope. Enabling comes in so many forms, often we don't even realize we're doing it at all. We want to help. We want to see their suffering end. We want to hand over all the tools we've gathered along the way, in an effort to ease their struggle. We want to see them happy. Every time they come to us, with their sad, sad story, telling us about their pain and how we just "don't understand", we want to shout "OH YES I DO!" All for naught. They're not going to hear any of it. Why? Because they want to be where they are. If they didn't, they wouldn't be there.

Sound harsh? Probably. Is it truth? Yes. It is.

Sometimes we may even apply the 'tough love' method. We may offer up all we have and then say, "You know what? When you're ready, give me a shout. I'll help in any way I can. Until then, you're on your own. Gotta go. See ya, bye." And then...disappear. Don't call back after that long-winded message or that horribly pitiful email. Don't answer the phone at 3 a.m. when they call you drunk and sobbing. Don't respond in any way whatsoever. Just leave them be to weather that storm on their own. Tough love? You betcha. Does it work? Sometimes.

Other times, not so much. Other times they show up again, sometimes after years have passed, and they're right where you left them. Sobbing and drunk and whining about how god doesn't love them. Nobody loves them. They're not worthy of love. They're hopeless. They're stupid. They're BLAH BLAH BLAH, ad nauseam. Holy Buckets! Can it be that this person has spent the past 2 years wallowing in that pity party and is still 'alive'?

Yes. It can be. And often times, the reason they're knocking at your door is because everyone else has abandoned the cause and they've nowhere else to go. What to do now?

Back when I believed I could fix anyone, when I had my own God complex, I would spend hours and days and years on such 'projects'. I was convinced that my wisdom, along with my love, could save them. I was convinced that if I tried hard enough I'd be able to show them just how worthy they were. I was utterly blinded by my own Ego's pride, unable to see that all I was doing was keeping them from learning how to find their way. As the saying goes: 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink'. One of the truest adages I've ever heard.

What to do?

Nothing.

Remember that the only way for anyone to grow is to let them. Remember that you are not their God. Remember that their path is their own and they must walk it alone. You may be able to meet them along the way, at various cross roads, to encourage them to keep going. To give them a dose of love and a big ol' hug. To give them a smile as they continue on. Other than that, it is not your job to save them. Truth is, you can't save them. Why would you want to? Do you not think it would retard their growth? Do you not think it would, in the long run, force them to revisit this place? Do you not think that your own passage through the storm made you who you are now?

In the Tao Te Ching, there is a passage that says (in essence) 'no storm can last forever'. (yes, that's the short version, but you get the drift). And it's true. Even the most furious hurricane or the most devastating tsunami can only last for so long. And then...it wears itself out and disappears. Eventually. What makes us think that the same does not hold true for us? What storm can last forever?

Me thinks it is a very good practice to let people sail their own ship. To allow them the freedom to experience what they need to experience. To hold them closely in our hearts, but let them sail on their own. Because every time we intrude, we're just joining that pity party. And we're not doing them a bit of good when we do. Let them be. Let them grow. Let them learn about their own power. Otherwise, all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable. How can that be 'good'?

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All Posts by Camille Strate

Meanderings And Other Stuff

A Word On Conflict ~ What Horses Can Teach Us (Puny Humans)

A Simple Religion ~ The Heart Is The Temple

When Helping Does More Harm Than Good ~ The Dangers of Enabling

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