Real People, Real Lives, Real Love

Yangki Christine Akiteng

Hypocrisy Is A Bitch. Ain't It?

I wear the same old pair of jeans three to four times a week. Yeah, so what?

My work desk isn't exactly the tidiest in the world. So what?

I pronounce "daughter" and "water" with a little more weight on "taah". I sure do, so what?

Do I need a new pair of jeans? Who cares? Should I try to tidy up my desk a little bit? When I feel like it. Do I want to get rid of my "accent"?  Hell NO! Who doesn't want being told they sound sexy and "exotic" (whatever the "racist" word means).

But of course someone else will tell me I need a new pair jeans, I should tidy up my desk and learn to pronounce words the "right" way. And if I say "so what", then I'm not open to "criticism", I'm rude and worse, I'm a B-word.

The name calling is the least of my concerns. Who cares? My problem is who are you to tell me what it is that I want? What I should believe? How I should stand or sit? What I should wear? What I should and should not say? How I ought to live my life?

What have you done that qualifies you to give me advice on anything? How have you lived that you should tell me how to live? Have you walked in my shoes to know what's like to be me? Do you know what keeps me awake at night? Who told you I aspire to be just like you? What's your success story?

Sounds like the ramblings of a rebellious teen, doesn't it?

It seems that everywhere you turn these days there is someone telling you how to live your life, telling you how you should think about things, telling you the ideologies to believe, telling you which products and services to buy, telling you where to spend more money, showing you where to go and when to go, and so forth.

I personally think that at one time or another we all need a teacher, may be even an advisor or counsellor or consultant. We don't know what we don't know and it always pays to learn from those who've been there and done that.

Oprah has earned the right to talk about "From Rags to Riches" (I still think she should avoid the "weight loss" topic. Her own perfectly worded weight - loss tips don't seem to work for her).

Donald Trump can rightfully talk about "From A Small Businessman to a Successful Multinational Corporation." He has the money and the towers to show for it.

Nelson Mandela brings tears to my eyes when he talks about "The Power of Forgiveness." Who knows betrayal, perseverance and victory better than the old man himself?

The Dalai Lama... that man can sing a song with just the word "peace" repeated over and over and I'd sit there all day mesmerized by his peaceful Self.

Angelina Jolie, well what can I say?  She owns "sexy". Even I, the Love Doctor wouldn't mind a piece of that (not the way you think, silly).

I could go on and on not just about famous people but about ordinary everyday men and women who can teach us a thing or two about something that actually adds value to the quality of our lives. But there is a difference between me wanting to learn from someone and even deliberately seeking out the advice and guidance of a particular individual and someone trying to rum their "knowledge" down my throat for whatever reason.

I don't want to be walking down the street and some homeless man suddenly feels inspired to give me advice on how to invest in real estate; a guy that's just filed for bankruptcy telling me how to manage my finances; a junkie talking down to me about self-restraint; someone who hates his salary job telling me how to run my private practice; some "self-help guru" on Prozac telling me the secret to a happy life; a bigot preaching tolerance to me; a doormat telling me how to take criticism; a miser telling me the benefits of being compassionate; a hermit teaching me social skills; a controlling person telling me how to be a good friend; a bald man telling me what shampoo to buy... you get my point.

Do I sound arrogant? May be, but so what?  I've been accused of worse things.

Many of us for whatever reason seem to have given up our right to think for ourselves, make our own decisions and manage our own lives. We rely on "instant experts" who talk as if they know everything. And the internet has made it so easy for anyone -- and I mean a-n-y-o-n-e- to Google anything, and next thing you know they sound like the idea came to them in an inspired dream, they studied all night and invented something unoriginal.

If you ask me, the world does not need more instant experts spilling "Magic Secrets" that haven't worked for them - and won't work for anyone. What the world needs is people who get things done!

Next time someone tries to rum their "righteous superiority" down your throat, ask yourself:

1. Is this person telling me how much they know or what I need to know.

2. Is this person just reciting rehearsed facts or sharing something insightful.

3. Does this person have the relevant experience (and possibly a "success story") to support his or her ideas, claims, ramblings, etc.

If still unsure, throw in there a well placed question that digs deeper into whatever the person is saying. See if the person will and is capable of connecting many different ideas, meanings or concepts or if they'll just say "thank you for asking."

If he or she passes the test, then may he or she is genuinely an "expert" on the subject.  Even then, be weary of those that talk the talk but don't walk the walk. You shall tell them by their fruit!

The "Rules" and Playing Dating Mind Games With Men

You've heard them; don't approach him first, don't flirt, don't look friendly, don't pick up the phone when he calls, wait four days before you call him back, never ever accept spontaneous invitations, act like you're not interested, don't show him you like him, don't let him hold your hand until on the third date, don't introduce him to your friends before he introduces you to his, if he's not ready to commit when you're ready dump him, never be friends with an ex etc.
 
Who follows these type of rules? What kind of man does a woman who follows these rules attract? Is it possible to sustain a loving relationship based on a calculating persona faking a busy life? What's so wrong with being an open, honest, vulnerable, pro-active real woman with her own mind, a body and soul?

Take time to get to know yourself and work on the unhealthy residues from your past that may be driving your choices and actions; challenge yourself to do some of the things you're most afraid to do; meet people and allow others to get to know the real you; accept that life isn't always fair and things will not always go your way but that happens to everyone; don't take yourself too seriously and don't expect others to be perfect; be flexible, spontaneous and have fun! But most of all be authentically you.

Show that you're approachable, friendly, interested and interesting, intriguing, good company and relationship-worthy.

If you're interested in a guy, let him know. If you want to go out with him, ask him out. If a guy asks you out and you want to go, do it. If you're not available, don't go. If you're not into him, sensitively let him know. If you really are into him but the relationship is not as "hot" as you want it to be, do something about it. If something is bothering you about the relationship, talk to him about it. If the relationship is falling apart at the seams, try to mend it. If he feels smothered, pressured or wants a little breathing space, give it to him without hard feelings. If you love him and want a second chance, give love a chance. If you don't feel he is the one for you or the relationship is toxic, end it.

I understand that the approach I promote is rather radical for some and have been told by a few people that it's a "cultural thing". Surely openness, honesty, integrity, truthfulness, authenticity, sensitivity, fairness, thoughtfulness and self-respect can't just be a "cultural thing". More like a "human thing" or a "love thing" to me. Unless of course, you have nothing much to offer in terms of a real fulfilling relationship, then may be it makes sense to manipulate others into thinking you're who you're not!

But that's just my take (and may be it's a "cultural thing"). If you want to play mind games, by all means play on. But don't complain when the guys you attract using mind games are doing exactly the same thing you're doing. In my opinion, if two people are okay playing mind games with each other, then they deserve each other. No tears.

Woman On Woman - Why Men Love Girl Catfights

• Previous Posts:

• Hypocrisy Is A Bitch. Ain't It?
• The "Rules" and Playing Dating Mind Games With Men
• Woman On Woman - Why Men Love Girl Catfights
• World's Worst and Best Lovers (Men By Country Of Origin)
• Climbing The Ladder of Success and the Pains of Becoming "Somebody"
• Do You Have A Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? What Are The Odds?
• How To Show A Guy You're Interested In Him And Like Him As More Than A Friend
• I Will Always Try To Be Ugly (Inspire and Be Inspired!)

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