X-PosedCreative Blogger (3,595)     Creative Blogger   http://www.girltalk-ladiesonly.com/ Why Being Lonely Can Throttle the Life Out of a MarriagePosted Sunday, April 27, 2008 (20 days 1 hour ago.) Viewed 673 times. Let us imagine you are stay at home mum, devoting all your time and attention to your children, doing all that society demands of you and then some. You are cleaner, cook, nurse and devoted wife and lover but something is amiss. When your entire world revolves around a small group of people, perhaps your husband and your children, you may find that some of your needs are not being met. You may be totally unaware of what those needs are but you do know that you can feel a little resentful and a little jealous about those you hold dearest to you. Then you feel guilty for having these feelings and give yourself a hard time about it. You feel inadequate and may even feel a failure. You may for example resent the fact your husband works 12 hours a day. Now despite those long, tedious, life sucking hours spent in grueling physical labor or at the office, your view is that he has a 'life'. He gets to socialize with colleagues inside and outside of work, exchange witty banter, have intelligent dialog, and a change of scenery. While for you the scenery consists of just four walls and it never changes. When your husband comes home, he's tired and needs to zone out. He'll plop down in front of the TV with the News on and a paper, maybe he'll ask for a beer while he waits for you to bring him that home cooked meal. The children know to be quiet, but respectfully give him some pamper time. He is the daytime absent daddy so he is favorite! You on the other hand have had several hours of children whining, refusing to co-operate and he has angels for whom butter would not melt. It's so unfair! So when he comes home, this built up resentful and frustration may overspill into a tirade of nagging, or silence. He should know why you are upset right? How might your husband view this situation? He might think to himself: 'I work 12 hours a day, never get a minute to myself to do what I want to do, come home, to a nagging wife who wants me to help with the kids and ask about her day. Her day which consists of what exactly? Sitting about, watching daytime tv, playing with the kids. I never get to spend quality time with my kids..she can go shopping, spend my money, see her friends.' It's so unfair! The feelings of resentment and jealousy can run both ways. So what can you do to stop feeling negative about your spouse? Talking is the obvious answer, less obvious is trying to wear the others shoes occasionally even if only for a single day once a year! Perhaps on that day, the man can take care of the house and children so he can fully appreciate what is involved and that it is not all fun and daytime TV. Perhaps the woman can try to get more involved in her husbands work, show an interest, ask about his day, the stresses the strains and see if she can help. They need to find a way of enjoying quality time together and this need not be at any great expense. Invest in a sitter for an evening now and then, it's a worth while investment. Your marriage is worth investing in! Meanwhile, both parties if feeling isolated and lonely should make a concentrated effort to change that. It is not healthy for one person to be the center of our universe, so having friends is very important. Friends you can moan to instead of your spouse, share a few laughs with. Stay at home mums can find groups in their area perhaps do some voluntary work. If your children are young take them to a playgroup or coffee morning that allows small children. Even a couple of hours a week is enough to make you realize the world is larger than your four walls. Take care of each other and think about how the other might be viewing the same situation! For more from me check out my home page HERE. 
Permalink Comments (1) If You Don't Want To Appear On Jerry Springer- Guide not Chide your family members!Posted Sunday, April 13, 2008 (33 days 23 hours ago.) Viewed 731 times. Anyone who has watched one of these very abundant day time TV shows (not least Jerry Springer) has seen the great variety of reasons why families can come between lovers and split them apart. But that is not always the case, fairly often the more families try to pull a couple apart, the closer the couple will pull together to the eventual exclusion of their families.
Not only is this not the families desired outcome but also not necessarily desirable for the couple concerned.
Being pushed together due to shared adversity and common enemy is not the greatest recipe for lasting and true love!
So what do you do if you are a loving parent, sibling or other extended family member and can see that your nearest and dearest is making possibly the biggest relationship mistake of their lives, what can you do to make sure it doesn't happen?
Nothing.
Nothing..I hear you ask...'what sort of advice is that?'
Ok, well this is a little something you can do, but it doesn't involve buying your son or daughter a single one way ticket to the Outer Hebrides or persuading them to join the Foreign Legion. Neither does it involve slandering your daughter in-law in the local press or 'paying her off' so she leaves your son alone!
Having been in 'one of those destructive relationships' the more my family had to say on the matter, the less I decided to tell them. When you judge and condemn a persons partner you are all-be-it unwittingly, judging and condemning your family member as that partner was the result of their decision and selection process. They will feel the weight of your words, may agree with them but not know quite what to do with them. After all, you only get to hear the bad stuff, there is lots of good stuff woven into the bad stuff that makes your easy advice of 'leave them' not quite so easy.
If your advice is brief and contains that one chord, they will stop listening. Afterall what is there to listen to, they've heard it a dozen times already.
Meanwhile, let's be honest here. If you had a son who's wife was cheating on him or a daughter whose husband was beating them, how many of you would suggest 'marriage counseling' over 'leaving them'?
Sometimes we as family are just too close to the problem, their pain becomes our pain and so a nice easy 'cut them out of the picture' solution seems like the best one..for us!
It might be the case, that the result of marriage counseling is that both parties do decide to split but part of that counseling process will involve thorough examination of the issues and dynamics of that relationship and a shared responsibility for the problems and the cure. This is a process we don't really go through when someone we love comes to us in pain. We just want to eliminate that pain source!
Our family don't provide all the facts, so when they come to you crying and tugging on your heart strings, listen then listen some more. Ask them some open ended questions that invite them to think about what they are doing and what they want and what the solutions might be. Help them to arrive at a decision themselves rather than dictating it and of course, be there to pick up the pieces if and when it all goes horribly wrong.
Remember that trying to force a decision out of your family member could result in them clamming up and avoiding you. This leaves you out of the loop and them even more isolated than ever, which makes it even less likely they will be able to cut free if cutting free is what is required.
You don't need to do nothing, just do it quietly by listening and subtly helping them to arrive at their own decision.
More from me here: www.creative-blogger.com
Permalink Comments (6) How To Sell Anything To Anyone - Sell Yourself First!Posted Thursday, April 10, 2008 (37 days ago.) Viewed 645 times. You know yourself, that there are sales people who seem to have the Midas touch, they can sell anything to anyone!
So how do they do it?
There are many tricks of the selling trade, not least recalling names, and details about your client so you can ask about progress with family or business matters when you meet again several months hence. How to ask the questions that elicit YES answers so when you are ready to close a sale the client is already in 'YES' mode and much more besides, but it all boils down to one thing!
Building a personal rapor with your client. If you look at the sales people you cannot say NO to, you'll get some clue as to the true hidden power behind selling. One of the tools is to endear yourself to them, by getting a little personal. Share a little story about yourself and speak freely with them about the news of the day or whatever diversion from the product comes up during a sale as things do come up! When a rapor is established people find it VERY hard to say NO, when their new best friend makes them an offer.
Watch how prospects DO the same thing with you. The more personal you get with them, the better 'deals' they will negotiate out of you! You will give more, do more and for less with those clients you 'like'.
Think about how you behave with different clients and see if this isn't right. I know the sales people I would give all my business to in the past were the 'sales rep who told me about his recent heart operation'. The clients I gave the best service to were the one 'in pain constantly due to her poorly knee' and the 'cheeky joker' who would get everything knock down price. Clients can sell you just as you sell them. Work on your personal skills and be personable! A great book to read on establishing rapor can be found in 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. Every sales person should read this book! It will not only help you with sales it will help you with making friends and networking and so much more. I am not on commission for recommending this book, it just happens to be one of the most useful books I ever read!
To read more from me check out my home page here: www.creative-blogger.com
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