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Gina-Gardiner blogGina Gardiner (128)    Gina Gardiner   Graduate Solutions What Will the Last Words They Hear From You BePosted Thursday, October 01, 2009 (55 days 10 hours ago.) Viewed 19 times. The loss of someone you love is always very difficult but out of bereavement comes a golden opportunity to examine your priorities and to re-evaluate the way things are done. The loss of my brother made me think about many things at a personal level and also it gave me the opportunity to think about how a sudden bereavement impacts on others. As I thought about it there were a number of lessons which stood out. I started to think about the many clients I work with and how the lessons created through David's death might be of value to others. A television programme looking at the last few moments of the people killed in the Twin Towers terrorist attack and the contacts made with their loved ones who knew they were about to die confirmed my thoughts. One of the things which struck me forcibly was how powerful the impact of the last words shared between loved ones was on the people left behind. The one thing that really stood out was that the last words spoken between people are the ones which remain for ever with the person left behind. The people receiving phone and text messages from their loved ones in the Twin Towers heard words they will treasure for the rest of their lives. How much they were loved and what high a value the person they were about to lose placed on them and their relationship. It didn't take away the agony of losing their loved one but without exception the surviving partner, parent, child or friend gained enormous comfort in the days after their loss from those few loving words. One thing which has made my brother's family grief easier is the thought that they had shared a wonderful holiday immediately prior to David's death. They had in fact returned the night before. They have great memories of quality time together, lots of laughter and loving words to draw upon. How different would it be if the last words shared had been argumentative or negative? Dave was great at keeping in touch with friends and family. This has helped enormously. He was really good at telling people he cared about them. He often sent me a quick text saying "Luv Ya" or "Thinking about you" and it always brought a smile to my face and a warm glow to my heart. I know from talking to others that they share similar feelings. I thought of all the partners of workaholics I know. It struck me how often the time spent with their loved ones was coloured by their sense of sadness, anger, irritation or loss at their partners work habits. I know the short time they spend together is often quite pressured, and negative words are exchanged or resentments are often shared without any words being spoken. What were the last words you said to your partner? Think about the past week. What proportion of your conversation was dealing with day to day living? How much was spent nagging or complaining? How much was spent saying something which will have a positive impact on the relationship? When was the last time you told them you loved them and there were no strings attached. Some simple principles can make a huge difference: Make sure that no one ever goes to bed or leaves the house on an argument. When was the last time you told your partner that you loved them unconditionally? Texts are a wonderful way of sending a positive message which can be picked up at a time and in a way which is undemanding, never the less the sentiment is just as powerful. A little note in their brief case can do the same thing. Keep it light and undemanding and as always with unconditional love expect nothing in return. Be sure that what ever happens the words you offer give you no cause for regret If your anxiety or frustration lead to harsh words, negative body language, if you feel unhappy or dissatisfied with life then it is time to take control of your own life and to do something differently, get some help. Make every day count and live it fully. Treasure the people you care about and tell them often that you value them just for being them. www.graduatesolutions.co.uk www.recoveringworkaholics.com 
Permalink Comments (0) How Heavily Do You Rely On One Person for Key ActivitiesPosted Thursday, September 24, 2009 (62 days 12 hours ago.) Viewed 12 times. How heavily do you rely on one person for key activities? How much stress is your staff under because there is no one who can fulfil their function if they were to go on holiday or to be ill? What contingency plans do you have in place for dealing with the sudden disappearance of one of your key players? Do you actively plan to ensure that there are always people who have the expertise and training to undertake all the functions in your department or organization in the event of someone leaving for promotion or ill health? What would be the net result of your leaving in the short, medium and long term? Consider If your business success is dependent on key personnel who have very specialist skills or who are crucial because they pick up all the slack, you leave the individual involved and organisation extremely vulnerable. Take some time to look at the organisational structure and consider the impact of one or more players being taken out of the equation. Are key functions left vulnerable? How quickly could you train others internally to undertake the role? Would you have to look outside the organisation? How long would that take? What are the likely costs not only to appoint someone new but in lost opportunities or revenue? What happens now if someone is off sick or on holiday? Is your business left treading water? Or does someone's absence put further pressure and stress on others who are trying to do their own full time job and cover someone else? What is the impact on your client base? Do you expect them to wait longer or to receive a reduced service? In today's incredibly competitive market it is all too easy to lose clients who are disaffected or dissatisfied. They rarely return even when full service resumes. You may argue that you cannot afford more staff and that may be true. Perhaps looking creatively at the staff you do have, involving the staff in having a look at what is currently happening and unpicking what activities are essential and those "busy" activities which slurp up time but don't actually impact on your department or organizations success. Do you ensure that the calls on your staff's personal time are appropriate? Do they take their full holiday entitlement? Are they working far longer than their contractual hours and if so how much of your organizational success is based on the good will and unpaid working hours of your staff? What do you do if you find out a member of staff is taking their lap top on holiday with them in order to keep in touch with work? Do you applaud their commitment particularly as you do it yourself? Do you question whether the culture of your organisation is right? Do you take active steps to help your staff have good work life balance? In the short term ignoring these issues may feel like it is productive, but in the long term, the costs in staff absence due to ill health or stress. The cost of appointing, training new staff and in lost momentum and revenue whilst you replace and train someone new. The personal cost on you and your managers in stress and sleepless nights whilst you deal with problems created in loosing your key players can be great. The solution lies in strategic planning, succession planning and creating a culture which supports creating a balance between working and protecting personal time. www.recoveringworkaholics.com www.graduatesolutions.co.uk
Permalink Comments (0) Make Living Life to the Full Your Highest PriorityPosted Thursday, September 24, 2009 (62 days 12 hours ago.) Viewed 17 times. On May 31st at 12 noon I received a telephone call which I found hard to comprehend. My brother aged 49 had died whilst on a training session preparing for the London to Brighton Cycle race. At first, I simply couldn't take it in. I drove to Colchester hospital but have absolutely no recollection of the journey. I can only apologize to any motorists I may have irritated on the way. David was my younger brother. He was a successful business man who was, so far as we all knew, extremely healthy. He had lots of energy, was always on the go, worked extremely hard and had a fantastic social life. He played full out in everything he did That day was to mark a dramatic change in a number of people's lives. He left a wife and five children and three grandchildren. The youngest two from his second marriage, Harry the youngest is only ten. He was in partnership with my sister's husband, a rapidly expanding business which employs a number of people in four separate units. The two Daves worked well together each bringing to the business their strengths, expertise and enthusiasms. His many friends were devastated and everyone whose life he touched feels the gap. Why do I share this story with you? There are, I believe, a number of lessons to be learned, particularly about how you define your priorities in life and about the things which are really important. David's funeral was a terrible, wonderful affair. The church couldn't hold all those who wanted to share in the celebration of his life. All through the day people came up and shared what he meant to them, how he had supported or helped them, how they valued him. The talk was about him the person and how he had connected with them. There was nothing about how much money he'd made or how many contracts he'd won. David did work very hard and at times he worked long hours yet he always found time to connect with his family and friends. He would often send a text saying "Thinking of you" or "Luv ya". He took time to phone and if he was busy the conversation was quick but made you feel valued. When was the last time you took a minute or two out of your busy day to let the people you care about know? The amount of time is inconsequential; many of you can rattle off a long text in the twinkling of an eye (I still struggle with predictive text!) Yet the impact on the person receiving your loving thought is out of all proportion to the amount of time it takes. The postmortem showed a condition that, if known about, was entirely treatable. He may very well still be with us if he had followed through the full medical screening he kept threatening to book. He was always too busy doing something else. He loved his food and enjoyed a drink. He probably could have done with loosing a few pounds but looked in the pink. How many of you keep thinking or talking about making an appointment for a health screening or to deal with that niggling health issue? How long have you put off dealing with your diet or smoking? Have you got your priorities right? What do you focus most of your time, energy and attention on? If all your time is spent working you may rationalize that you are doing so to provide for your loved ones who are your most important priority. Ask yourself what memories your partner or your children will have if you were no longer with them? Would they be able to think back to shared time, laughter and experiences? Would your epitaph read "He worked incredibly hard"? Lesson Number 1 Make the most of every day. If living life to the full is the priority what your ideal life contains? What would it look, sound and feel like? Is the balance between your working and your personal life right? If you aren't living your perfect life what are you doing to change it? Lesson Number 2 It is relationships which really count What are the significant relationships in your life? Are they satisfying? What can you do to ensure that you have fulfilling, loving relationships? If you have a relationship which is less than you would like or you have no one special in your life what are you doing about it? Lesson Number 3 Tell those you care about that you do, and do it often! All too often we assume others know that we appreciate them but don't underestimate how powerful it is to hear that you are loved or valued. It doesn't have to take long but it can make a huge difference. Text, phone, email put a note where you know the other person will find it or, even better, tell them face to face. Lesson Number 4 Your health is priceless Without your health you run out of options. Take full responsibility for your health and get yourself checked out. If you need to change your lifestyle – diet, exercise, reduce drinking or give up smoking get some help. Lesson Number 5 The choice is yours Whatever you do or say, or not, is your choice. Deciding not to make a choice is your choice. How you live this life is up to you. Of course, some choices are more difficult than others and what most of us do is stick with more of the same as it is easier to deal with the status quo rather than the uncertainty of change. Life has the habit of teaching us lessons often the hard way. You can, of course, choose to learn the lessons which other people's lives offer to us. What are you going to choose? www.recoveringworkaholics.com
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