Home » Writer's Blogs » James-Bond

Sharing, Acquiring, and Growing in Love

James Bond ⁽²¹⁵⁾ Red Level Author

James Bond

The Golden Rule is for Children

Posted Thursday, July 09, 2009 (121 days 23 hours ago.) Viewed 1,210 times.

Treat others how you would like to be treated. Sounds simple enough doesn't it, and without serious inspection it would even seem like common sense. When applied to children in grade school it works out nicely, they learn to share and not hit utilizing this principle. However as we mature it is important that we consciously realize this rule no longer applies. I seriously doubt if this was ever an effective way for adults to be in relationship with one another, but in today's smaller multicultural world it certainly would not be.

Early in my career as a student activities advisor I begin to notice how different students would respond to my personality. Coming from the military I felt I needed to be hyper sensitive to the way I talked and related to people and especially customers or subordinates. The combination of my sensitivity to the issue and the freedom of college students to speak their mind afforded me the opportunity to learn many things about my personality, belief systems and my skills in relating to others. Probably the most important thing I learned, internalized, and now believe is there is no correct way to be in this world. There is no way I can understand all the circumstances that individual adults go through that help shape them into the people they now are. The beautiful truth is I don't have to understand all of the circumstances and their effects to have meaningful relationships with the products of those circumstances.

My salvation came when I understood that understanding myself is put to better use when I articulate my needs and desires to someone else in the context of them better understanding how I want to be treated. This is much more useful and effective than when I use my understanding of myself to determine how to treat another. To learn how other's would like to be treated body language, facial expressions, and physical distancing may give clues as to what is going on during an interaction, but even these vary from culture to culture and can be misinterpreted. So how then can we be relatively sure we are treating people appropriately?

The best way I have found is to ask. A question such as "I was just wondering how you feel when I ." can bring about amazing conversations. It can take a friendship, business relationship, or intimate relationship from tolerable to asset quicker than many people realize. Such a question signals the willingness to consider ways to improve a relationship and an openness to consider doing something different on your part. Well, at least that is how I like for people to treat me.

Permalink Comments (13)

Long Distance Relationships...How to Create a Mix CD

Posted Wednesday, May 06, 2009 (186 days ago.) Viewed 319 times.

Mix Cd Creation

Want to show your long distance love you care? Nothing says it like music; it is a direct way to stimulate emotion. "Out of Bed" by John Forte has just been nominated for the on-line love anthem 2009. I found that gem while creating a mix cd for my distant love. I will show you now how to make a mix cd that will capture your lover's heart, your emotion, and that moment in your relationship. "Who would think to do all this?" fair question. I believe someone with something on his mind, or rather in his heart.

First, each mix cd which is well thought out must have a mission statement. The mission statement guides the formation of the mix cd and keeps the message specific. It is very important to make your mission statement as specific as possible. This will add to the emotional power of your mix cd. It will help keep your cd consistent, and, is the major difference between a mix cd and a collection of favorite songs. Here is an example of a mission statement.

Mission Statement:

This cd will reflect the excitement and joy I am experiencing as a result of meeting Janka. It will relay the anticipation I feel of experiencing the reason she has come into my life.

The mission statement should be expressed thoroughly by your focal song, which is often the song that inspired the mix cd. For this cd we shall use "Out of bed" notice the sense of urgency in the artist's voice along with a resolution to see the wait through. That is what I feel when I listen to this song there is a joy and excitement in longing for someone the way I long for her. It softly conveys the anticipation and smile I feel when I think of her. That is the kind of song you need for the foundation of your mix cddo you know what that song is? Then add it to your play list and let's find a few others.

Ok for this cd I have chosen Promises, Ghetto, and Therapy from India.Arie, Your Body Is A Wonderland by John Mayer, Get To Know Ya by Maxwell, Music Leela James, Rock The Cradle of Love Billy idol, and All of You by Sammy Davis Jr. Now it is important to have a natural flow and progression. I like my focal song a little above the middle of the cd. The middle is too predictable for me and I am a bit impatient so it all ways ends up near the beginning. I never lead with my focal song as I think it deserves some build up. Play around with the order of the songs until you find a flow you like.

For this cd I ordered the songs:

1. Get to Know You

2. Promises

3. Out of Bed

4. Your Body is a Wonderland

5. Music

6. All of you

7. Rock the Cradle of Love

8. Therapy

9. Ghetto

It is important that your intro song have a direct message. I think getting to know you is very appropriate to the relationship this mix cd is designed to reflect. What did you chose as the intro song? 3 and 4 are important because I believe that they will be our respective favorites of the mix tape, I love Out of Bed and she loves Your Body is a Wonderland. I end with Ghetto which is cool because India.Arie mentions my baby's home country in it. It is things like that that make a mix cd special. Have you chosen songs with little hidden gems?

The final steps of this process can happen at anytime during the process. These are every bit as essential as the other steps...they are different in that inspiration for them can occur at any time during the process.

One step we have not mentioned is titling your mix cd. The title should be something significant to the relationship. I chose to title this collection Janka Laska, with is my distant lovers first name with the word for love in her native tongue. Picking a significant title is very important.

Also you will want to pick a photo for the actual disk. The photo is as important to me as the songs because what you choose communicates something to the listener. For this cd I choose a picture of Janka I don't believe I had ever commented on that I really liked. I could have choose to use a picture I had told her I liked but I wanted her to know I see her as beautiful sometimes when she doesn't even know it. I have a printer that has a special section for cds because I record as a hobby. If you have a more standard printer you can fine an inexpensive program for around $20 that will allow you to print to adhesive labels made for Cds. The kit also comes with a small plastic press to evenly affix the label to the cd. The days of writing titles with a sharpie are over. This gives your cd a nice personal touch and since you aren't buying her the shoes she really wants you need to put extra effort into this.

The last step is going to the post office and mailing this wonderful gift to your long distance love.

Permalink Comments (1)

Online Dating...the Cooking Dinner Date

Posted Monday, May 04, 2009 (188 days 15 hours ago.) Viewed 597 times.

Are you involved in a long distance relationship and looking for a way to increase intimacy between you and your partner. Do you need a catalyst to conversation and romance? If so fate has brought you exactly where you were intended to be. I have the solution to your dilemma. For optimum enjoyment I suggest a camera equipped laptop, high-speed internet, skype or some other visual conferencing software, and some comfort in the kitchen. Next you invite you partner for a dinner date. You set up a conference and together you cook your meal. The same meal…decide together what the menu shall be and agree on ingredients but… I have gotten ahead of myself, first let us begin with your preparation…that is after she says yes.

If your date is on a work night check your fridge at home and email the needed ingredients to your office. Create a list at the office…do not print as this is not work related information =0)~. On your way home ensure you pick up the needed ingredients. Shower before you date, even an online date, you should be playing mood music, shaving, a touch of cologne. Have a snack to ensure you are not hungry while cooking. It is about feeling comfortable doing your date, being in a state that allows you to connect. By this time in your life you need to know how to get yourself in that space, for me it is about scents, sounds, things that bring forth the observer within me…things that make me present. Whatever it is for you…do that. You want to have a wonderful date.

Once you are in the attire you have chosen…the style that feels the most you…you need to go clean the kitchen. I say get dressed then clean the kitchen because this will let you know if you chose the right attire. If you can't clean the kitchen in it you can't cook in it. You do not want to look like you are worried about messing up your clothes while you are cooking. That is not a good look…so if you can clean the kitchen in it you will be fine. Next give her a call…Skype is a great service for this part. Once she is on you can talk for a while and get the computers set up so there is a good view of the kitchens and you can talk comfortably. Then you began cooking together…drinkers…I would introduce a nice moscato at this point.

After preparing the meal you can sit eat together and talk. After dinner you can retire to the living room or relax at the kitchen table. This is a good time for a glass of wine and you could log onto a game service like pogo or yahoo messenger and play a quick game of dominoes, scrabble (literati), backgammon, or whatever tickles your fancy. Playful interaction and assistance is the goal of the game here…at least I have to remind myself of that…each couple will be different but try to make this a bonding experience.

I think you should be able to take it from here…Good luck and may your time apart pass quickly.

James

Permalink Comments (16)

Influencing Your Relationships

Posted Monday, December 15, 2008 (328 days 1 hour ago.) Viewed 423 times.

I feel my world changing around me. It is funny because my world is changing simultaneously with my own personal growth. To state this more clearly, I believe my growth is changing the world around me. The place this is most evident is in my personal and professional relationships. I notice my associates are much more available to me than I previously believed them to be. I feel closer to people and while I still have my moments of self induced isolation and reflection I am craving them less and less. I am beginning to find experiencing life far more enjoyable then thinking about life. For me this transformation began with exploring the limits my beliefs were placing on my personal relationships. If you are feeling inclined to exploring your own opportunities for deeper relationships with those around you here are a few tips that I found very useful.

1. Honor "your" thoughts, recognize them for what they are or what you believe them to be.

"I have come to think of thoughts as echoes of my past. Often they are the voices of my parents, teachers, or some other authoritative or respected entity. Often the things my thoughts tell me were very applicable in the situation in which I internalized them but do not apply to me currently. I now reevaluate my situation before accepting a thought I observe as correct."

2. Once you honor your thoughts then decide if they would be beneficial in your current situation.

"A great example of what I mean here is the golden rule. "Treat others as you want to be treated", in my life as a child with my little influence and power this rule often kept me out of trouble and increased my happiness. In a heterosexual relationship as a grown man if I applied this to most situations with my girlfriend I would be very sad indeed and my relationship would probably be in jeopardy".

3. Be willing to be wrong. Instead of seeking to validate and confirm observed thoughts, be very aware of subtle things that you did not expect. Be curious about what other assumptions you may hold that are incorrect.

"A lot of the great things in my life are a direct result of my beliefs, but guess what, so are a lot of my limitations and failures. While I have not abandoned my beliefs I am a lot more critical of them. I want them to prove to me that they still apply to my current being with all the resources and talents I now possess".

4. Lastly, have fun, be you, share yourself. A lot of time we are more beautiful than our thoughts allow us to realize.

"Ever have a friend you wished could see themselves the way you see them? Ever consistently notice someone that just couldn't see how wonderful they are or how much they have helped you? There is probably more then a few people who feel the same way about you! Spend some time with them. It will be good for you"!

Permalink Comments (17)