Christianity and Sex: Dualism

Jim Gordon

Debate: Should Religion and Moral Views Be Handled Politically?

The answer to this question is a resounding "Yes!"

Although our knee-jerk reaction is to quickly answer in the negative, thoughtful consideration must make the careful observer answer, of course, "Yes!" Religion and moral views must be handled politically!  For most of us, almost immediately, the classical phrase "separation of church and state", comes to mind as some sort of proof text, and a rationale to separate moral views from politics. However, there is a gross misunderstanding of this phrase attributed to Thomas Jefferson: it was actually meant to convey the need for protection for the free exercise of religion. In addition, because the function of politics is concerned with the formation and enforcement of laws, it is critical that we recognize that these laws, in fact, are each a reflection of a moral view! Therefore, religion and moral views must be handled politically.

The famous quote (thank you, Thomas Jefferson!) "separation of church and state" is usually used to remind us that religion (and by extension, moral values) should not be politicized. What few people understand, however, is that this quote is taken completely out of context and actually supports the opposite view!

Thomas Jefferson's famous quote is taken from a letter written to Danbury Baptists in 1802, where he called for a "wall of separation" between church and state, or by extension, religion and politics. However, do we remember the context? As with so many things in this Information Age, we have the content but have removed the context, completely missing the point!

Here's the context: this new united republic, this fledgling union of states, was formed by people who had been subject to tyranny in their mother country. In Europe (for example), the state church totally precluded free expression and religious liberty. To escape this oppression, people ventured to the New World (the 13 Colonies) to enjoy (among other things) the pursuit of religious liberty and expression.

As a result, one integral component of this new republic had to be freedom of religion and conscience: the Founding Fathers realized that their republic--the state--should never control or hinder religious expression. Jefferson, the main architect of the Declaration of Independence, was assuring religious leaders that there would be a wall of separation between the state and the church so that the state, in generations to come, could never use its powers to limit the church and all religious freedoms (as happened in other places). Unfortunately, most people today have come to believe the exact opposite!  "Separation of church and state" is almost universally misunderstood as the basis for a rationale that limits rather than protects religion. Oh, the irony of it all! The phrase was meant as a guarantee that religious freedoms would not be limited or controlled by the state! As our Founding Fathers understood, the state's job was to actually protect religious freedoms.

Among other things, the state (aka politics) is busy with the establishment and enforcement of laws. But aren't all laws an expression of a moral view? A law that forbids stealing is expressing the moral view that taking someone else's property is wrong. And so it is with each and every law: moral views are being expressed--and thereby politicized!

In all free democratic societies, governments are given the mandate to uphold individual freedoms including the freedom of religion. These freedoms are protected through the legal system and the laws that have been developed with every law reflecting a moral view of some kind. Since politics is simply the operational side of governments, it becomes clear that, at the end of the day, religion and moral views must be handled politically! Are we opening a Pandora's Box? Perhaps, but religion and moral views must be handled politically by protecting and enshrining freedoms, not by exerting state control.

Barriers to Intimacy

What causes intimacy problems?

Here's the bad news: there are, literally, hundreds of things that could potentially damage intimacy between a man and woman! The good news is that we can avoid almost all of them, and pro-actively work our way through the rest!

Marriage is the most complex of relationships: of course it will take work to have a great marriage, and we will all have to face intimacy problems at some point. However, it's more than worth the effort, because the development of intimacy is the key ingredient to a fantastic marriage--including awesome sex!

The vast majority of couples reach barriers that tend to take center-stage in their marriages. Each of the following is a potential intimacy robber; any one of which could destroy a relationship.

Incompatibility:
In a romantic relationship, values, perspective, and life goals determine a couple's compatibility. Since relationship break up will most often be a result of compatibility issues, all pre marriage counseling needs to examine the core values couples hold. Contrary to what you may hear other places, compatibility has little to do with sex!

Guilt:
We can bring past actions and attitudes that are wrong and damaging into the present, and find they sabotage our present experience and relationship with our spouse. Whether they are from yesterday or from the last decade, the past must be dealt with before we can go forward. This is the beauty of asking for  forgiveness!

Core Values Clashing:
Conflicting values, standards, morals, ethics, and ideals with your partner makes compatibility impossible. For example, if you and your partner have major differences in deeply held religious convictions, then compatibility reaches an impasse! Coming to an agreement on values and beliefs will be a huge step forward in eliminating intimacy problems.

Living in a Common Law Relationship:
This is a surprise for some. How can intimacy problems develop from a couple living together?! By its very nature, common law arrangements miss the single most important ingredient to intimacy: commitment.

When you don't really understand how intimacy is developed, it's very natural to want to pursue its benefits, and all the while undermine the very thing you're trying to get! Romantic and sexual intimacy doesn't come cheap. It will cost you dearly: giving your spouse unconditional love and sacrificial commitment in marriage. But the return on your investment will be absolutely amazing!

Pornography:
With over 95% of viewers being male, porn's effect on intimacy is complicated since it is easy for wives to underestimate its bad effects. As a barrier to intimacy, habitually viewing pornography sets up two formidable walls between couples: devastating guilt and unrealistic sexual expectations.

Husbands naturally feel guilty about pornographic addiction, and usually try to hide it from their wives: of course, this dishonesty makes experiencing genuine intimacy almost impossible. All the rationalizing, explaining away, or defending of actions won't change the fact that a husband addicted to porn can't be intimate with his wife. A wife cannot win the competition with her husband's fantasies.

Fatigue and Stress:
We are all experts on stress and fatigue! Though we intend to change our ways, the best of intentions cannot compete with habits. We must be willing to adjust priorities and establish new habits that will actually reinforce intimacy.

Let's face it: to change priorities is difficult. In actual fact, rearranging what we deem to be important rarely happens with most people. Over time, then, habits and lifestyles allow stress, fatigue, and busyness to crowd out intimacy and the spontaneous joys of marriage. As someone with a large family, many responsibilities, and no end of things to do, I find stress and fatigue to be a problem. Nothing kills intimacy faster than these intimacy robbers.

Effects of Previous Relationships:
There is no "quick fix" for a new couple who has had previous romantic relationships that have gone bad. It simply takes time and effort for trust to grow and eventually blossom into intimacy.

Did you ever hear the analogy that men approach life like mechanics, and women approach life like farmers? A man sees relationships as a machine that's not working as it should; he wants to quickly get a new part, stick it in, and get the thing up and running again! A woman, on the other hand, tends to see a relationship as a garden that is growing, requiring nurture and attention. Intimacy grows just like that garden.

Wrong Thinking Regarding Sex:
The influences of incorrect thinking can sabotage intimacy. Dualism and the Error in Pairs are just two wrong ways of thinking about sex that influence intimacy negatively (see articles written about these topics)

Intimacy problems can be overcome! Simply commit yourselves as a couple to doing whatever needs to be done to promote intimacy between the two of you.

Christians and Sex: Where Wrong Thinking Comes From, Pt 2

• Yes, God made sex, but we're better off not talking about it.
• Sex is meant to be private; talking about it so much just cheapens sex.
• Young couples engaged to be married don't need much help-let them just explore and discover what sex is all about after they're married.

• Dualism (here at Searchwarp)
  
• The "Error in Pairs" (this article)
• The Christian Bubble (coming soon)
  
• The Law of Low Expectations (coming soon)
  

• Previous Posts:

• Debate: Should Religion and Moral Views Be Handled Politically?
• Barriers to Intimacy
• Christians and Sex: Where Wrong Thinking Comes From, Pt 2
• Christians and Sex: Where Wrong Thinking Comes From, Pt 1
• Sex Was God's Idea!

• Related Posts:

• The Bible Bill Causes Controversy
• Prayer Ruling Makes No Sense
• God Doesn't Like US
• In God We Trust Taken Off New Coins?
• IRS Investigation of Internet Evangelist Now Includes Statements about Sen. Obama
• Regaining the Faith of our Forefathers
• If Church and State Collide, Who will Endure the Aftermath?
• Judgment Belongs to God, Not to Man

• Blogroll

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