The art of livingSulagna Dasgupta (132)    Sulagna Dasgupta    Change your life now! Success is your birth right. Exerting Self-Control: the 'Replacement Trick'Posted Thursday, May 08, 2008 (59 days 7 hours ago.) Viewed 24 times. Let me tell you this before I forget! As usual, it's a simple new trick to help you lead a better life. I just discovered I've been doing it since ages without ever consciously realizing it! Once again, we're back to the topic of self-control. There must have been times when you've tried to stop doing something, but have been simply unable to do so. For example, you might have wanted to stop eating those delicious pastries (and getting a lot of extra pounds free), to give up smoking, to stop visiting those sites you know you shouldn't visit What do you do in such cases? I've mentioned the ‘5-minute-strategy' in my other articles. According to this, you tell yourself not to do it for only the next 5 minutes, and after those 5 minutes, you either forget about it (this happens in 90% of the cases), or again vow to keep yourself from doing it for another meager 5 minutes. This process continues till you get over the urge to do it altogether. (Believe me-this will happen by three such 5-minute periods at the MOST.) Now what's new is even more good news-a prize for exerting that bit of self-control. This is called the ‘Two-in-one trick of replacement'. Let me put it this way. Suppose you want to get past that piece of chocolate cake on the table. Naturally you've applied the 5-minute strategy. Now what do you do during those 5 minutes? You do something else which is very interesting to you and which will make you forget about your urge even faster. Let's say, in this case-why don't you sit down to watch the television? I'm sure by now you've understood how it works. You see, when you start watching the TV (I'm assuming this is one of your favorite activities. If it isn't, you can replace this with anything which is.), your attention gets hogged completely by whatever you're seeing. (Watching TV is a particularly absorbing activity.) So your mind doesn't get the chance to wander off to that piece of cake again! Sounds like fun, doesn't it? You're having fun while doing something very important, i.e. getting rid of a nasty habit! Well, why else did you think the trick is called ‘two-in-one'? 
Permalink Comments (0) How To ConcentratePosted Sunday, May 04, 2008 (63 days 7 hours ago.) Viewed 1,169 times. Do you usually find it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand? Do you find your mind invariably straying to some happy moment in the past, a pleasant song you've recently heard, or a movie you've seen, or a book you've read etc? Well, most of us do, so don't worry. For most people, concentration doesn't come naturally. (That includes me. That's why today I've decided to share a few tips and tricks with you to make this age old art of concentration easy for you.
But as soon as you've managed to get it uncluttered and tidy again, you'll find the view itself provides you with some amount of positive boost-it's like your desks telling you, "It's time to work.", and is calling you by giving you that clean look!
Now many people have told me, they're just too busy to keep their cell phones off while trying to concentrate. If this is the case with you, keep your phone in the silent mode. This will make sure you later get to know who called you during this period, so that you can call them back.
Now what if you're working at the computer, which I guess is often the case with many of you? Then you'll have to exert some control over yourself. Don't worry; I've made that easy too-see the next point.
Whenever you feel the urge to, say, surf the web, tell yourself, "I'll surf the web after 5 minutes." Not surfing the web for the entire period while you're working at the computer is difficult. But 5 minutes is easy, isn't it? Now after 5 minutes, chances are you'll forget about the urge you felt. Even if you haven't, all you have to do is to tell yourself not to give in to your urge for just 5 more minutes. Now I think you've got it-you have to repeat this process till the urge goes, which usually happens after one such 5 minute period only, and two at the maximum. Now you can use this same strategy to make yourself do your work. If you think you're going to have to work for an hour, it will feel overwhelming. So again, tell yourself, "For the next 5 minutes I'm going to do ___ (your task)." This will work exactly like before. And after two or three (It's a little more in this case
So next time you find it difficult to concentrate, try these simple techniques. I've used them, so I know-they're bound to produce results!
Permalink Comments (4) How To Cope With Cancer of a Family MemberPosted Saturday, May 03, 2008 (64 days 11 hours ago.) Viewed 16 times. Many people have written to me asking for advice regarding how to handle it when their mother is diagnosed with cancer. Here's my reply to all of them, and to everyone else who's going through the same situation. First of all, all types of cancer are not fatal, and there is a lot of hope for a cure. So the situation may not be as bleak as you think. Even if it is, you can try palliative care. If there's a hospice in your area, contact them. People with cancer often find them very helpful. 1. You probably spend a lot of time trying to make your mother feel upbeat and good. You should do that if she's feeling particularly down or afraid. But in general, I think you should just be yourself. Your mother is suffering from a deadly disease. She knows what the consequences might be. She also knows that you're terribly scared, because she knows how much you love her. It is only natural to be afraid. So accept it. The people who have seen their parents suffer from cancer unanimously say that it is better to be your natural self. If at some points you find some hope, you'll certainly tell her so, and will try to cheer her up for that, like you're doing. But don't make her feel something that you don't feel. I mean, do not pretend and do not give her any false hope. This will make you feel exactly as you're feeling now-empty and devoid of energy. 2. Talk to her like you'd talk to her under ordinary circumstances, I mean forgetting, for those particular minutes/hours that you spend talking to each other, that she has cancer. Talk to her as any daughter talks to her mother. 3. Make sure you let her know HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER. Do as much as you can for her. Spend as much time as you can, together. 4. Find out what are the things she likes or wants. Try to fulfill as many of her wishes or longings as you can. This will give you a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. 5. When a woman is ill like that, usually the biggest worry for her is the safety and wellbeing of her children. So let her know you're alright, you're strong and you're capable of taking care of yourself. 6. Another very important thing that you can do is finding a community of people who are like you. You can do this by googling cancer support group', and then finding one in your locality. If you can find one that is suitable for you, you'll get the answers to many of your questions simultaneously. First of all, you'll meet people who have gone through situations which are either like yours or are much worse than yours. This will give you support and the courage to go on. The sense of having similar people around you is often a powerful motivator in itself. Also, you'll be able to talk to them about your situation without any embarrassment, cause they are the people who have gone through it-they will understand. Second, if you're in doubt regarding anything related to your mother's illness, these people will be able to help you by sharing their experiences, i.e. what they did in similar situations, etc. Third, you'll make friends. Yes, this is the place where you'll be able to make true friends. That's because they already know what you're going through-you already have something very important in common. This will ease your feeling of loneliness and helplessness. Even if you're unable to find such a community near you, you can join an online community. Also, you can post your questions in yahoo answers. Phrase it like this: "My mother is ill with cancer. It's getting worse. What do I do?" Trust me, within hours you'll get about 20 replies. In those replies you'll find how many other people have suffered what you're suffering, how they've handled it, and above all, how much they feel for you, and want to give you support for being someone like them. (This happens on Yahoo answers. I've seen this.) 7. If possible, try to find some time for yourself. It can be a very short period of 20 minutes or half an hour. This is when you'll do what you love, or something that will help your mind relax. You can watch TV for a while, read your favorite books, or listen to calm, soothing music. This will help you recharge yourself, especially at the end of the day, if you feel all your energy has drained out. When someone is going through a difficult situation, taking your mind off the current problem for a few minutes often helps. 8. Most importantly, don't EVER become negative. This goes for your worries regarding your unemployment too. (On the basis of your letter I thought getting a job isn't the main problem for you. That's why I haven't written anything particular about that. Though if I'm wrong, please correct me.) Have faith in God. You can read spiritual texts if you need them. This is more powerful than you think. A strong belief can give us immense strength. It can help us wade through all sorts of adverse situations without losing our courage. Believe in yourself. Whenever you find yourself overwhelmed, tell yourself, "I can handle it.", "It's ok." , "Don't worry. It's alright.", or any other such short positive statement. Say them aloud, not just in your mind. Close your eyes and breathe deeply while saying them-inhale for 10 seconds, hold your breath for 5s then exhale for 10 seconds. Keep repeating the statements until you've calmed yourself down. Positive statements are immensely powerful, because they change the way you look at a particular situation. And that makes all the difference in the world. That changes your approach to every task altogether. I strongly hope this helps you. I wish you all the best.
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etc. Chances are you've found it difficult at best, and just impossible at worst to actually do it-assuming you're not one of those VERY lucky people who are gifted with exceptional willpower.
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