susie's thoughtsSusan Thom (8,099)      Susan Thom    The Pitty Pot Won't Do You Any GoodPosted Friday, May 16, 2008 (4 hours 26 minutes ago.) Viewed 14 times.
 There are people who have lost their jobs, their homes, their family due to the stress of everything happening at once, and your table would look better where? Mothers losing their sons at 18, 19, 20, 21, in a war that has wiped out over 4,000 of our "boys', and the deer ate what now? I know all about relativity, I studied it for four years, meaning each person's bottom is different. Getting thrown out of the house at 18, with nowhere to go, and being hurt and confused, depressed and scared, is no different than someone going through a bad break up and feeling hurt, confused, depressed, and scared. The circumstances are different, but the feelings are the same. That is why in a twelve step program you are told to relate, not compare. I would listen to young kids who had been to Hell and back, and were trying to quit drinking after 2 or 3 years. I had been drinking for 20 years, and had many more experiences under my belt, unfortunately. However, they were feeling the same emotions I was. And we all had a common goal of ceasing to bend our arm, and inserting a bottle of beer or a drink. By relating, and not comparing, we were able to help each other. And that is where I first heard the phrase "pitty pot." There is absolutely no way anyone can get sober when they feel everything bad on this Earth just happened to them yesterday, when they burned a hole in their favorite sweater. Even when the circumstances are much more serious, those working the program have to stay away from feeling sorry for themselves, and instead, think about the other people involved. That's number one. Then comes being reminded of gratitude, and to being thankful for what we do have. Working together towards a common goal is easier than trying to do something alone. When someone starts crying the "pitty pot blues", there's always plenty of people to help them get back on the right track. Humility is another big character trait that can help one stay off the pot. It's easy to be okay when everything is running smoothly, but what happens when we hit a bump in the road? Do we know how to deal with it or are we going to start singing? If things are taken from us, can we handle it? Can we train our brains to think of the positive, and deal with the negative? I believe so, for the most part. Sometimes, we need a little pep talk. If we are lucky enough to have family and friends that support us and care for us, it is easier to push through anything. That's not to say that our feelings aren't going to rage seemingly out of control at times, as well as having unforeseen situations happen, but we can deal with them in a way that is surrounded by strength and wisdom. If we set up a support group for ourselves, we only enhance our coping skills. There will be times when we feel like we're living on the dark side of the soul, alone, and lonely and scared, everything stems from fear, but with the right training, or exposure to the right principles, one can make it out the other side. There can be no improvement without surrender and focusing so we can work our problems out in an intelligent way. To do that, we have to get of all the garbage of the past. With a clean slate, our concentration and ability to solve problems, is greatly enhanced. And the amount of times we sit on the pitty pot is fewer and fewer. We want to deal, and get past our problems, and move on. You can't solve anything by feeling sorry for yourself, although we all go there from time to time. So, next time you hear yourself whining and crying over something, remember, you are putting yourself on the pitty pot, and things will stay the same until you do the changing. Life is too short to get pulled in by everyday mundane situations, like traffic, or the coffee pot is leaking, or the hamburger is cold after you drive thru McDonald's. All irritations, yes, but woe is not you. You're not in the war, you're not in jail, you have a job, a home, and a family; be grateful. Can you imagine if everyone did this, and lived by these principles? We might just have a world with less aggravation and anger to pass down to our kids, and instead, ways of handling themselves when things just don't go right.    
Permalink Comments (2) Did We Know More Before We Were Born Or AfterPosted Monday, May 12, 2008 (3 days 19 hours ago.) Viewed 114 times.
 I have heard several times in my life, either by reading, or listening to others, that we pick the parents we want to be born to. What do we know while still a little seedling in Heaven, that prepares us to go by instincts in which parents to pick? That's a mystery that won't be answered on Earth, I'm sure. There are lessons that must be taught and learned. There is guidance in family, friends, teachers, mentors, and it appears we all have our own personal favorites. Our own defenders and overseers. Those who look out for us and try to steer us I the right direction. It's up to us if we want to listen or not. It's also up to us to determine if our predecessors are worthy of being emulated, or if we need to follow a different route. Sometimes, we are Blessed with people in our lives that are angry and bitter, and we have to learn early on how to get around their attitude. This takes a focused and instinctual mind that sees danger when it comes our way, and moves on to the next person or situation we need to tackle. Sometimes, we need to learn patience, or strength, or even how to be angry without going over the edge. When this is the case, we usually have one parent, if not two, who teach is just that. It may be hard to handle as young children, but once out in society, most of our lessons prove fruitful and to our advantage. If we had a domineering, angry, and seemingly unfair parent, it just may be what we need to survive on this Earth alone, once they are gone. The world is domineering, the world can be very angry, and the world can be unfair. If we learn how to deal with these feelings and emotions as kids, we will have a much easier time as adults. I remember being taught all the rights and wrongs, and the little idiosyncrasies of life growing up. My parents would walk into Basking Robbins with their four children, and we would be gently persuaded to move up in line, lest we lose our space. Of course, respect was a big thing in our home, and disrespect was not tolerated. My father was very demonstrative, and although I hated it at the time, it helped develop my strength and coping skills, and take care of myself in a world without him to protect me. My mother was warm and loving, sweet and kind, she was a nurse, and possessed all the attributes it takes to be a good one. Her children always came first, and we knew it. We were all close to her, and learned how to bond to someone we care about through our relationships with her. It almost seems I grew up in two separate worlds, my father's personality, and my mother's natural being. However, somehow they meshed, and provided a person who had a hard shell, but a soft heart. A person who knew how to work hard, and go above and beyond, and yet, not be taken advantage of, by knowing how to speak my peace. If I could go up against my father, the rest of the world was a piece of cake. When I had my kids, I was just as loving and caring and happy to be a mom as my own mother was. I was strict, but affectionate. I taught them the lessons I had been taught, and I made them abide by those rules. I was always hugging and kissing one of the three. Whatever I was supposed to learn by picking my parents, worked out well. Unfortunately, my mom passed away from cancer, at the age of 59, 19 years ago, that was a heartache like none ever felt before. But out of it, came me stopping drinking, and never picking it up again, some fourteen years later. The four years of pain and heartache saw many a bottle, though. Never when my kids were around, or I was the only one with them, and their father was at work. I maintained my sobriety by once again, using what I had assimilated through my parents. They new it was dangerous to drink and take care of kids, and I knew it, too, so I didn't do it. I wouldn't have wanted any other parents but mine. My dad passed six years ago. He was an ex marine, a broad shouldered, tall, muscular man whom I absolutely adored. He was my protection, my hero, my safety. He was always telling sill jokes, half he made up off the top of his head, but he made his family laugh, and feel comforted and okay. He always worried about money, but somehow, he was always able to manage. We didn't have any left over, but we had what we needed. I'm glad that if you really are allowed to pick your parents, I was smart enough to pick mine. I also know they are always with me, praying for me, guiding me, listening to me, loving me, caring for me, and I talk to them frequently. There is no doubt in my mind that they are listening. They help me feel calm in times of great turmoil. They make me feel comforted, simply on a daily basis, when nothing is wrong, and the sun is shining and the weather is warm. Their presence is always felt. Their energy was never disconnected. It's just coming from another place now.
Permalink Comments (0) Resentment Is One Of Our Biggest OffendersPosted Monday, May 12, 2008 (4 days 6 hours ago.) Viewed 42 times. Resentment is said to be one of our biggest offenders. "From it stems all forms of spiritual disease, for we have not only been mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick." This is from The Big Book Of a Twelve Step Program. It goes on to tell us what to do to rid ourselves of any grudges or grievances we have with friend, family members, co workers, neighbors, whomever we are holding a grudge against. Sometimes, we have to stop and really think about who these people or institutions are, because we have buried our feelings so deep, for so long. And yet we wonder why we feel so depressed and lethargic and run down all the time. Get rid of the grudges. You will feel so much better. Make a list, and either talk to these people or places in person, or on the phone, or write them a letter and send it, or write them a letter and burn it, you will still feel the release of negativity float away. I held a grudge towards my father for years, and it was a spiraling event of me running from that resentment, and drowning it in alcohol. My father, being my hero and the strongest person I knew next to my mom, was extremely important to me, and when I cut off ties with him, and blamed him for it, the grudge took hold. At 38, we talked few words, but basically apologized to each other and said we loved each other, and he told me he was proud of me. What a different feeling that was, and one I had always wanted. It was the beginning of a path of exploring and learning and changing and growing. I felt like I had a foundation, I was stronger, more at peace. It was just what I needed to push me through to start reading about different character traits, possible reasons for them, how to change them, and I started working on my inner being. There was a lot of garbage in there, but I had to work each feeling out, each resentment, each grudge, until I could be calm enough to move on. It took the past 14 years, and I'm not done yet, but I've made great progress. Things don't bother me so much or to such a degree, now that my soul is emptied of all the dark trappings. I can handle situations in a more casual way. Sometimes, we don't realize that we are harboring resentments, and yet we just don't feel right. We're on edge, depressed, tired of the world, lethargic, and many times, it is the ghosts rattling around inside of us that are the culprits. We argued with someone, and we aren't speaking, and even though we don't know we're thinking about it, we are. A resentment. A black ball of negativity in your soul. Do something about it. Letter, e mail, phone. Get it behind you. If they don't want to participate, accept the fact that you tried, and move on. It takes work to be the best we can be. We want to yell when someone drops our favorite coffee mug, and at one time, we would have, but now, we can simply clean it up, and accept that things happen. It's better for our soul. And anything that's better for our soul, is better for our whole being. We made amends to Aunt Millie, who we hadn't talked to in 3 years, over something stupid, and we got in touch with our long lost brother and straightened things out with him, and talked to our boss about a raise, and got it. And we can't understand why we feel like a mylar balloon, ready to take off at any second. It's because you got rid of the grudges. Their memory no longer makes you mad, or sad. The negativity of those memories no longer bog you down and tire you out. You can feel buoyant again. You have more energy, you smile more, things that used to make you laugh, make you laugh again. Your excitement spreads to other people. It's an all around good thing. It's not fool proof, there will be those who will not respond in kind, but again, your attempt counts. When you know you've done everything you can, you can get rid of the grudge, and lighten up even more. You will benefit, and of course, your family will benefit, too. It's a win win situation. A calmer mommy is calmer kids, a calmer mommy, is a happier dad, a happier dad is a happier mommy. It's all connected. We can all stop mean, cruel, and angry words from leaving our lips. It's called a brain, and it can work wonders, especially if you work with it. If you read about anger, and get tips on how not to join in, then you have a choice to be quiet, or engage in an argument. Your choice. Is it really worth it to argue with the person you love, over trial things, and then go through the ignoring stage, and then the happy stage because things are okay again, until next time? So what someone is trying to tell you the Eiffel Tower is in New York? What in the world is the difference, unless he's looking for directions. You're going to waste time and energy arguing with this person, or say, "Oh, I never knew that," and walk away. When your soul is pure inside, you have nothing to prove. You don't have to prove you know where the Eiffel Tower is. It's trivial. Move past it. Life is a pain when so much is on our minds, and in our heart, minds, and souls. If there is any rationalizing that can make us calmer, more peaceful individuals, I think we should try to make the improvements.
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