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Susan Thom ^(12,110) United States

Susan Thom

http://onsuchthings.com

Resilience Is A Powerful Gift

Posted Wednesday, November 18, 2009 (2 days 6 hours ago.) Viewed 733 times.

Life hands us both happy and sad situations. It takes some people a long time to get over a death of a loved one, or the loss of a job, or an estrangement of some sort. As a rubber band bounces back, so, too can we. Once something happens, there is a much needed grieving period, until all the anger and self pity, guilt and shame has been shed.

Many of us don't take the time we need, mostly out of embarrassment, but that's just nonsense. Everyone has their breaking point, and if we don't grieve correctly, meaning rest for as long as we need to, we may reach our breaking point. Usually, just as we are calming down from one episode, another follows right behind. We pay off our car, and our transmission goes the next week.

We finally find our dream house, and the year after, the freeway goes in. We put our retirement fund into stocks, and we lose everything. And then, our daughter has her baby, and we know joy once again.

A long lost friend comes into our life, and we enjoy our lives together. Then one day, they have a heart attack and die. What's going to happen to our emotions? Are we going to be stoic for the public, and do our grieving alone? Are we going to lose ourselves in the atmosphere, and deteriorate?

Or, through each circumstance, do we learn a little more on how to be strong, and simply, do the right thing? A prayer to God for some guidance would surely be in order. An honest and humble heart should make the right decision.

As one period of negativity passes, we need to be resilient as we step into our positive circumstances. We need just as much strength during the happy times, as in the bad times. And if we aren't flexible, we will be kept off balance. We need to build up "the resistance to wear."

No more headaches, neck aches, hurt feelings, aching hearts. If we absorb the process of dealing with reality, as bad as it is sometimes, we will also learn the process of our own resilience. If we remain pliable to all that surrounds us, and enters our world, we will be determined and focused.

The faster we can figure out something isn't right, and try to work it out and think about it separately, then together, the more resilient we will be. The other major thing is that honesty has to be behind each decision. We can't fool ourselves, or nothing will be fixed. Reality is a place not many want to play in. They'd rather go to school or work, and come home until it's time to go back. No outside stimuli. Less chance of emotional turmoil.

However, if we face our fears, we can face our reality. It's very scary, and I sometimes think, preordained, but each time we feel the pain of a tragic loss, or a bankruptcy, or the loss of a job, and get all our feelings out, resilience returns, and we're calling hundreds of job possibilities. Crying really hard on your bed into a pillow, is a great way to let it all out. Then, let it go.

On to the next thing. Backbone straight. Look into people's eyes, always. Know that what we believe in is true, God protects and provides. Don't keep feelings bottled up inside with no way to escape. We need to work through them. We must weather the storms that come our way, or they will weather us.

These feelings can alter the way we live our lives. They can hinder the way we think, act, and react to our world. They can leave us weak and lonely, depressed and lethargic. Or, we can build up resilience each time something difficult comes our way.

Each setback can cause a myriad of emotions. However, if we learn how to go with the flow, and stay calm, and work through our situation, the next time something comes up, we will be stronger and more resilient. We can face the world, and all in it. We can accept illnesses and financial problems with more ease.

This doesn't mean that we can solve all that comes our way, but we can learn how to deal with each circumstance in a more appropriate way. We don't have to get sick because our child isn't doing well in school. We can do all we can to get them help; a tutor, a friend who is good in that subject, etc. We can make things better than they are.

I remember having a blow up clown when I was little, that was weighted, and as you punched it, it would come right back up. Now, that's resilience! We could learn a lesson from that clown. Don't let the masses keep you down. Don't let the worries of the world leave you with a negative attitude.

Life is short, although sometimes we feel like we are in a long tunnel, groping towards the light, but that's okay. At least we are going in the right direction. Resilience is probably our best friend. It allows us to weigh the options and the circumstances, and come up with a plan that will alleviate some of our pain.

Our lives mean something, to ourselves, our loved ones, and most certainly, to our God. So, we must work through the ups and downs and keep a positive outlook. Things don't usually stay the same forever. Our resilience in dealing with life, depends on how much work we put into living in an honest, respectful, spiritual, and caring way.

Our happiness is not promised, unless we do the work we need to do in living and helping one another in a truly altruistic manner. We are all sisters and brothers under one Father, and it IS up to us to help our fellow man, and keep ourselves in check.

It's not easy at times, while going through our trials and tribulations, and we will have times we are simply depressed for a period of time. The key is, are we resilient enough to go through it, and then, leave the darkness behind?

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We Don't Have To Live In A Dark Cocoon

Posted Saturday, November 14, 2009 (6 days 11 hours ago.) Viewed 98 times.

There are so many frustrations and problems to iron out in our lives that sometimes, we feel like our boat is going to capsize. Somehow, we struggle to get through the fog of despair, but it isn't easy. We find ourselves going through the motions of reality, while our minds bring us to places we never wanted to go.

Life doesn't make sense during certain periods of our lives. At least it doesn't make sense to us. We need to remember that there is a higher Power, whom I call God, who knows what we are going through. He knows what we are and are not capable of doing, or feeling, but He has His reasons for allowing our lives to unravel the way they do.

Faith and hope are two extremely helpful feelings, and if we feel that God has better plans for us ahead, we will have hope. Again, this doesn't mean that we don't suffer through the pain and emptiness of a confused and unsettled mind. We can, however, start to improve ourselves.

There is so much to life, especially when you are young. Yes, things still confuse, frustrate, anger, and hurt, but time is on our side. Some take years to figure out who they are and what they're meant to do. We can help ourselves in many different ways. We can go for a walk, talk to someone on the phone, or e mail a friend.

We can go sit at the park or the beach, and clear our minds of what is bothering us. We can make a list of all our good points, and we all have some! We can live life in the right manner, with honesty and loyalty and spirituality. If we believe in God, and angels, we always have someone to talk to.

When my mom passed away, I felt numb. I knew it was going to happen, I even knew the day it was going to happen. However, it's like the difference between being pregnant, and having the baby. I was blindsided by the pain. My heart was broken and my soul felt empty. Crying was a pastime for months.

I didn't know who I was if I wasn't my mother's daughter. Time does really heal all wounds. It's been 22 years, and I've learned how to talk to her as if she were here with me, and that brings comfort. We need to find our own reasons for being happy. It's important to find out who we are. We can do that by asking ourselves some questions.

Are we honest? Can people trust us? Can we trust ourselves? Do we keep our word? Are we caring and compassionate towards ourselves and others? Do we take care of our minds and bodies? Are we compulsive when we could be calm? Can we accept defeat? Can we accept winning? Does our Faith keep us on the right track?

There is help out there for those who need it to get to the core of their soul. Things don't always work out the way we want, can we handle that? Experience is the best teacher, and sometimes, we have to wait for those experiences to come. If we keep reacting the same way, we'll never get anywhere-our lives will be like a carousel-always going around in circles.

We can help ourselves, and I know because I've been on both sides. Only I could work on those parts of my personality that I wanted changed. The parts that weren't doing me any good. I've also been to places in my mind that were raw, and needed changing. I was willing to use my fortitude to change those ways of thinking.

I am still a work in progress, and will be until it's my time to leave this Earth. Most of us are works in progress. So many actions can brighten one's personality. One can read a good book, play a good game, meet new people, and enjoy the nature God provided for us. Oceans, and beaches, and mountains, and waterfalls- all things that make us feel good.

We have to help ourselves be who we want to be, it doesn't just come naturally. If we want to be honest, we don't lie. If we want to be responsible, we take care of the things we need to do. And if we are totally depressed, we should always see a doctor and get on medication that will make us feel better. And we can't give up. It takes time to find the right medication for us, or it could be the first one we try.

We don't have to live in a dark cocoon, waiting for the next bad thing to happen. We can stop dealing with the dark hole, and make it brighter. But we have to do the work. There is no magic wand that when stricken, makes us feel great. We need to occupy our time in ways that bring us joy and happiness. I am not a doctor, but I have been through everything I write about, and it's worked for me.

I still have bad days, sometimes a few in a row, but I won't give up. I'm tired of being unhappy and depressed. Fifty years is enough! Now, I feel confident and strong minded, and hopeful towards the future. My mind allowed my thinking process to move in the positive direction I never knew before. When it feels like your boat is capsizing, simply do a little rearranging of your thoughts, and do something positive, and your boat will stay balanced.

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After Emotions Are Stripped

Posted Tuesday, November 10, 2009 (10 days 7 hours ago.) Viewed 1,354 times.

Whenever we go through a traumatic incident, our emotions seem to short circuit at times. Maybe we haven't felt sorrow in a while. It hurts. It hurts the heart, our feelings, our mind and our soul. They're all affected. The pain isn't like a broken bone or a deep cut. It is a continual grinding of our gears, confused, afraid, hopeless and hopeful.

I think the big tragedies come from the loss of a loved one, loss of a job to provide for our families, and divorce. Our emotions are at their peak level, and the ability to be ourselves is dampened. Pain strips our emotions as they are consumed by whatever situation we are in. Sorrow is the culmination of all the feelings we need to go through. It's a feeling of regret and sadness.

It's hard to focus or concentrate while going through hard times, and it's a blessing if you have someone who can help you. However, whether you do or not, you'll have to adapt to dealing with life's different scenarios. For myself, once I go to the bottom of anger, or resentment, or any feelings I may have, and really possess them and work through them, and use my mind to will myself to do what I need to do, I am on the road to recovery.

That time, anyway. However, when the emotions get stripped over and over again, they seem to become numb, and they don't get in the way of making a decision. It's more cut and dry. Less words are used. Less emotion to confuse things in our minds. Less crying! More matter of fact. I haven't lost the ability to be happy and surprised, angry and sad, I simply have been through enough to be able to calm the feelings faster.

To be truly humble, (unassuming, modest) is one of God's gifts to us, I believe, and once you've been there, you are not the same. Trivial things no longer bother you, and you cut a lot of the frustration from your day. In my case, I had to be at a point where I was totally alone, had no choice in the matter, and had nothing to do but think. I had no car, no cell, no money, and I was somewhere I had never been. Three days later, I knew what humility felt like, and I still carry it with me.

I am grateful for every inch of this world, and most others on it. Things mean something to me now. A letter from my daughter in the army, keeps me happy for days. Before, there was too much other stuff waiting to be heard. Too much chatter. "the laundry needs to be done, I have to go to Wal-Mart, I have to call my aunt, I have to go to the post office, the bank, the a & p." No room to be calm. A lot of room to be filled with anxiety, though.

And we know anxiety just expands. If we humbly look at our lives, we can be thankful for what we have, pray for what we don't, and need. Once the emotions have been stripped, things don't hurt so much. Actually, they become silly to you, after what you've already been through. I know about the dark side of the soul, and I believe I've visited it for a time. I don't want to feel that way ever again.

So I don't get mad when someone cuts me off. I don't let words affect me in the same negative ways, I don't get nervous because I have things to take care of, I know when to rest, I know when to get fresh air, I know when to go for a ride. I know when to write, I know when to pray, and I know when to talk to my parents who have passed. Everything else, is just what it is.

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susie's thoughts

Resilience Is A Powerful Gift

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After Emotions Are Stripped

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