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STEPPING OUT OF THE BUBBLE

James P Krehbiel ^(1,145) United States

James P Krehbiel

Krehbiel Counseling

What Do I Know For Sure Anyway?

Posted Thursday, December 11, 2008 (344 days 6 hours ago.) Viewed 230 times.

The older I get, the less I seem to know for sure. It's not that I lack wisdom, but life is not a clear-cut, fixed matter, but an ever-changing, fluid experience. Each moment is new and is filled with the wonder and mystery of the unknown.

As a child, life appeared certain. I lived in a comfort zone which protected me from the reality of a world complete with ambiguity, paradox and difficult challenges. As I became older, reality uprooted the foundation of my world. I could no longer hide behind my black and white thinking that served me well as a youngster.

Control is an Illusion

As an adult, I learned to embrace the insecurity that comes with the unpredictable nature of life. According to Alan Watts, holding onto security is like trying to grab water into your hands - it is elusive. Holding too tightly onto matters brings to mind "the law of reverse effort." Hanging on is more likely to make us feel out of control.

Although the very fabric of my life has been shaken, the good news is that things appear adventurous. Every day is a new journey, with excitement as I travel into the unknown. I am on a wild, crazy ride that leads me to conclude, "What do I know for sure, anyway?"

Consider this. One traveler gets on a plane with a destination for home. She is excited about seeing her family. However, the plane goes down in the Everglades of Florida and all passengers are lost. A friend of hers makes a last-minute change in her flight plans, deciding to stay in Miami for another day. She wakes up in the morning and is confronted with the horrible news. Why did she survive, while her friend did not? Some would like to provide us with the comfort of their philosophical or religious explanations. In my opinion, they are not good enough.

Two Roads Diverge

What about this scenario? A child is raised in a home filled with parental abuse. As he enters into adulthood, he struggles to "find himself" and eventually ends up being a successful partner, father and businessman. His brother grows up in the same environment, and moves into adulthood lashing out at the world, blaming others for his failure to function and achieve. Is there an answer to this dilemma?

From my own experience, I have a disorder called fibromyalgia. Some doctors think it's "in my head." All I know is that I chronically ache all over with trigger points on muscles that hurt on contact. It is painful when my skin is touched. Does anyone know why this happens? There are clues, but no definitive answers and no clear-cut solutions to fix the problem. Women tend to suffer from it more than men. I'm not sure why that's the case and neither are the doctors.

More kids these days are suffering from autistic spectrum disorders. It appears to be a neurologically-based problem which affects children's ability to communicate and establish appropriate social relationships with age-mates. These children appear rigid and controlling in their behaviors and latch onto a topic that they perseverate about. Nutritional clues to this syndrome have not materialized as causes, so we are left with an uncertainty as to why autism occurs and why it is increasing in frequency. There are no easy answers.

The Paradox of Those Who Know-It-All

Ironically, there are individuals and groups who feel that they know it all. They tend to have all the right answers, and can back their ideas up with "talking points," biblical interpretations, and personal experience. For these people, life appears easier because there are no gray areas or ambiguities in life. They are splendid advise-givers and tell me and others how to think and believe. My gay friends tell me they were born that way and love the same God that I do. But, does the Bible tell me so? What do I know for sure?

Individuals who always think they are right are frightening to me. Hitler claimed he was right and look what happened as evil impacted the lives of millions. David Koresh believed he was right and what a mess he made. For those who profess to be right, there are no options to their way of thinking. Just recently, I read a politically motivated article in which the author ended with, "Jesus Christ endorses this message." I believe that using religion in this way is disingenuous and blasphemous - but, what do I know?

Embracing the Adventure

I wish life was as simple as many make it out to be. I would feel less strife. However, it would not be authentic. It would leave me living in a bubble away from the complex realities of life. The simplicity would also take the adventure and wonder out of living with uncertainty. I do not know why certain things happen the way they do. I can live with that. After all, what do I know for sure anyway?

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Chuckling Your Way Through the Golden Years

Posted Thursday, November 13, 2008 (1 year 7 days ago.) Viewed 1,925 times.

No matter what the experts say, aging is difficult. It takes a fair amount of luck, good genes, family support and activity to make this journey work. There is one added quality that really lightens the load as the elderly are faced with their "golden years," and that is the capacity to laugh at oneself and life.

As the aches and pains start mounting, and the aged begin to feel alone in their plight, humor is a powerful potion for sustaining an attitude for success. Life becomes a chain of mountains to climb, and the hiking is much easier if the elderly navigate their journey by poking fun at a world filled with challenges. Seniors must learn to float downstream, buoyed by the water as they pass by the twigs, branches and rocks along the current of life.

Lessons from the Young At Heart

When it comes to humor, the late George Carlin would have been proud of my mother. At 93 years old, she can take a life event and turn it into an amazing, dramatic story filled with adventure and lessons to be learned. Recently, she had a stint in the hospital due to atrial fibrillation, an indicator of congestive heart failure. Although my mom's heart is pushing enough blood, the upper chamber is showing signs of wear and tear.

When she was released for home from the hospital, my mother graduated from two pills to an assortment of blood thinners as her cardiologist sought to regulate her heart-beat. She stayed in a nursing care facility for awhile and then was sent back to her independent living apartment on a trial basis. Several days later at 5 a.m., she fell in her bathroom and landed on her hip. She had the presence of mind to crawl to the pull-cord to get the attention of the nursing-care staff. They promptly arrived, called me and contacted the paramedics for another round to the emergency room.

When I got to the ER, she dejectedly said, "Son, I'm sorry I messed up." "Did you use your walker to get to the bathroom?" I replied. "No, it was filled with all kinds of papers," she sheepishly disclosed and continued with, "but it was VERY CLOSE to the bathroom," as if that mattered. They x-rayed her hip and she had fractured it - her femur needed fixing. When she got up to room 2107, the staff moved her onto her hospital bed. An internist promptly visited her and she inquired, "What time is it Doc?" "It's 8 a.m. young lady. Why do you ask?" "I need to get out of here in an hour. I've got to go to the beauty shop. I can't lay here looking like this. By the way, how do you say your last name?" The doctor spoke slowly"G-H-I-A-M-A-D-I GHIAMADI," he said. "Oh my, that must have been a serious problem for you when you were in grade school," she retorted.

Seeing the Humor in Any Situation

For the next few days, the cardiologists monitored my mom's vitals trying to get her ready to handle surgery. My wife commented to my mother about the excellent nursing care she was receiving. "You're getting so much attention, Oma." "Yes, and I might even get a tiara at the end of the day if I play my cards right," she replied.

Several days later, surgery was "all systems go." The launch had been delayed several times, but now we were doing the countdown. Exasperated, my mother put the nursing team on alert. "Let's get this show on the road. Just make sure they "cut" the right leg off," she jokingly said. As they wheeled her down to surgery, she kept it up, "Where are you taking me? It looks like we're headed for the parking lot. Hey, don't let em stick a knife in me if I'm not ripe enough!"

When we got to the pre-op area, a nurse met us there. When the nurse bent over to take my mother's necklace off, my mother was amused. Hey, I guarantee you it's been a long time since anyone's looked down that area." When the nurse finished chuckling, she asked my mother the critical question. "Which leg is being operated on today?" Mom was playing it coy. "I really don't know," my mother replied. "Is it the left one Gladys?" the nurse said. "I think it is right; I mean, I think it is right that it's the left one is that right?" The morphine didn't seem to affect her wit. It reminded me of Abbott and Costello, but this one was a monologue.

She took the liberty of putting her surgical cap on before the anesthesiologist came to give her the "juice." The orthopedic surgeon strolled in and asked my mother if she had any questions. "I only have one question for you. Are you REALLY old enough? My daughter tells me you were born in 1970. Is that right?"

The anesthesiologist entered and told my mother that her heart could handle the surgery and he proceeded to inject her in the arm so she could take a nap. "The surgeon looked so young. How old are you?" she asked. The boyish doctor said, "How old do you think I am?" "I think you're about 62," my mom replied. He grimaced and left for a minute and when he came back my mother had adjusted her assessment. "It's in my best interest to say that I'm sorry. With your cap on I thought you were older. You really must be around 45. You see, my son is in his early 60s, and I like him a lot." As I gave her a peck on the cheek, she was off to surgery and as she turned her head I heard her say to me, "Good luck on your new book. I hope it's a success."

I never had a doubt that my mother would make it through surgery. She had successfully created an atmosphere that put everyone in her sphere of influence at ease. She chuckled her way through a revolting predicament and brought everyone with her into her humorous inner world. As my mother always believed, she was making funnies, the tried and true method of traveling through the golden years.

My mother died this July 26 th , several weeks after I penned this article. She had it posted on her hospital room cork-board to remind me of the gracious way of exiting this world. Gladys Opal Krehbiel: 1913-2008.

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It's a Long Way from Richwood to the White House

Posted Monday, November 03, 2008 (1 year 16 days ago.) Viewed 150 times.

Several weeks before her death on July 26 th of this year, my mother made an interesting discovery. Here was a 93 year old woman from Richwood , West Virginia , who clung tightly to her conservative Republican beliefs. But on this particular day, she smiled intently at me and proclaimed, "Barack Obama seems like such a nice young man." It was the first moment in my lifetime that my mother and I politically connected.

This country has been down a perilous path in the past eight years. We have struggled through the presidency of George W. Bush, who failed this nation with his lack of integrity, feeble domestic direction and disastrous foreign policy. With Bush at the helm, we fought the wrong war for the wrong reasons and are still paying the consequences in loss of lives and economic calamity.

We are in need of a new direction. Although John McCain stands out as a war hero, he has waged a campaign that is without substance. He has spent more time bashing his opponent than laying out clear plans to get the country moving again.

Barack Obama has the vision, intelligence and judgment to lead our country down a more positive path. His campaign has been steady, and his campaign organization has been stellar. He has been maligned by many, some on this site, who ironically use their Christian faith as the basis for divisive comments. Accordingly, he is the "Muslim," "the enlightened one," "the anti-Christ," "the radical," "the terrorist," and "a Hitler." He was also deemed guilty by association, as if John McCain didn't have enough affiliations with troubled individuals himself.

Barack Obama's concepts and ideology mirror many valuable Judeo/Christian principles. He is not interested in continuing to feed the pocket-books of the wealthy. He personally identifies and has compassion for those of our comrades in need. He has one wife, one house and tattered shoes. He understands the needs of the middle class and the poor. By focusing on this country's crumbling infrastructure, he will get our people working again. His administration will create new jobs that will spur the economy. He understands that a "trickle down" economic policy does not work because the wealthy are tainted by their greed. He will work toward providing healthcare plans for all Americans. He will prioritize the budget and will eliminate wasteful governmental spending.

His foreign policy will be founded on the principles of diplomacy, not power and control. He will fight the right war in the proper place, on the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan . We will regain our respectful standing in the world through promoting understanding rather than division. His vice presidential selection, Joe Biden, is ready to step in on the international stage. We will regain our credibility at home and abroad as Obama seeks to call out and prosecute those in our government who have shredded the Constitution, needlessly tortured prisoners, demonstrated political collusion, and overstepped executive privilege.

Those Christians who would try to reduce this election to a referendum on abortion are mistaken. Most reasonable Americans do not "believe" in abortion. Rather, they embrace the sanctity of life, and believe that such a concept is much broader than any narrowly focused discussion regarding this complex moral dilemma.

This is the most exciting election I've ever witnessed. For the first time in history, an African-American candidate is positioned to become President of the United States . The first 16 presidents of this country could have owned Senator Obama as a slave! How far we have come as we look forward to a new day in American history. I pray for him and his family as he seeks to lead this country out of turmoil.

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STEPPING OUT OF THE BUBBLE

What Do I Know For Sure Anyway?

Chuckling Your Way Through the Golden Years

It's a Long Way from Richwood to the White House

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