www.momlaughs.blogspot.comCheryl Moeller (428)    Cheryl Moeller   Momlaughs Going Green in a Big Way: Recyle nearly Everything!Posted Thursday, June 05, 2008 (48 days 22 hours ago.) Viewed 385 times. We did a lot of good. Recycling containers, fewer roadside advertisements, and beans instead of hamburger. I washed cloth diapers for my children. Some of you are still using plastic diapers such as Pampers or Huggies, so here's a list of some ways to recyle. (Those long strings of diapers individually twist-wrapped in clear cellophane.) 1) Soak them in cement and use for building suspension bridges (another modern marvel). 2) Dye red, white, and blue and use for outdoor bunting (keeps people off your grass during local parades). 3) Dye them yellow and black and sell them to the local police department for "Do Not Cross" tape (guaranteed no one will try crossing). 4) Weave them together and make large area rugs (keeps room traffic way down). 5) Spray gold, red, or green to use as garland on next year's "Christmas Tree" (great homeopathic cure for sinus congestion) 6) Spray them silver and tie them post to post as a chain link fence (guaranteed to turn back all unwanted intruders). 7) Hang around the neck of the large marble statute in the park to imitate a string of pearls (pigeons are history). 8) Tie around your coat like a rope belt (allows you to walk safely to your car at night). 9) Cut them into shorter pieces and wear as a necktie to a party (where you don't want to have to talk to anyone). 10) Store in your brief case (guarantees you your own seat on the bus or train). ----------------- Cheryl Moeller. Read more of my humor at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com. 
Permalink Comments (2) 10 Ways to Save Money on Graduation Gifts (By Preventing Graduation)Posted Monday, May 19, 2008 (65 days 13 hours ago.) Viewed 1,357 times. We have six children. Our third one graduated from college this month. Three down and three to go. It takes up so much money buying all those graduation gifts; I have decided to give you some tips on how to save money. If you prevented graduation, you would be free of all the worries that come with school. 10 Ways to Save Money on Graduation Gifts (By Preventing Graduation) 1. Don't graduate yourself. (It's a proven fact that your kids have a greater chance of not graduating; if you don't bother to graduate yourself.) 2. Save money. Ban all library cards. Otherwise you might end up getting a library fine. (Eliminate the problem before it gets started. Instead of risking the chance of a library fine; tell your kids that books are not their friends.) 3. Criticize (in front of your kids) friends, neighbors, and family members that waste "all that time" studying. (Keep your compliments and congratulations to yourself.) 4. Remark to your kids that hanging out in front of 7-11 really has its benefits. (Spare your kids the headaches that come with academic competition.) 5. Forget you picked your own major. If your kids somehow make it to college, force your kids into signing up for a major that you like, but they don't. (Push, don't guide; that encourages flatline goals in a child.) 6. Always reset their alarm to noon; remembering that they need their rest. (Wouldn't want to disturb the Prince or Sleeping Beauty before their time...) 7. Charge your kids tolls for use of the computer to do research. (Make it financially unprofitable for your child to study.) 8. Replace the pictures of those who have graduated in your family with pictures of Larry, Moe, and Curly. (It's a long standing tradition and who will want to break it?) 9. Tell your kids that they can either have $100,000 in cash or that you will pay for their college education. It's their choice. (After all, they are 18.) 10. Go to college when you want to go. Why waste your youth cramped up with boring people? (Why waste the best years of your life preparing to make ten times the amount those that don't go to college earn in a lifetime?) ----------------------------------------------------- By Cheryl Moeller, B.S., M.A.R. Cheryl Moeller is a stand up comic, humor columnist, and author. She's a homeschool mom of 6 with three in grad school, one in college, and two in elementary school. Read more of her humor at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com.
Permalink Comments (3) The Best Mother's Day Gift Ever: When Mom wins "Meal or no Meal?"Posted Sunday, April 27, 2008 (87 days 10 hours ago.) Viewed 937 times. For Mother's Day week, I have added my own game show to the tradition of "Deal or no Deal?" I'm calling it "Meal or No Meal?" I think I can compete with "Deal or No Deal?" host Howie Mandel but I refuse to shave my head. My show works this way. I have just been on a field trip to measure the width at the widest spot in the Fox River , the pediatrician, the post office, the oil change place, and pharmacy. But, of course, I am expected at 6:00 Pm to be home and produce a sumptuous, savory, and satisfying meal. It's my 26 or is it 6 kids who are opening up the briefcases showing clues as to what they want for dinner. My kids claim they really aren't all that picky when it comes to eating but it's not true. One of them wants Kosher and organic, one is eating Atkins, and another one is eating carbs only. Then I have the child who wants no refined sugar or caffeine. Finally I have two who refuse anything unless you have to peel it or crack it to find the natural food inside like bananas or peanuts. Try making a meal out of that! In the 17 days over Christmas break our college age kids joined us at home and with all of us bellying up to the table three times a day I estimated that before "vacation" was over I would have prepared 408 meals. That's eight people at three meals a day for 17 days. You do the math. My son Pooka had the nerve to ask me, "Why wasn't I getting out more? Didn't I want some "me" time?" "You've just got to make the time," he advised. So the lights come on and here we are in front of the "Meal or No Meal?" studio audience. I open the refrigerator and produce the frozen pheasant my husband shot last fall. It's frosty, somewhat red, and has a tail feather sticking out. "Meal or no meal?" I ask." The kids huddle and confer . "No meal!" they yell. I then walk over to the microwave and open the door so all can see the macaroni and cheese plate that got set on 10 minutes instead of 1 minute. They look like taconite iron pellets painted black. My husband plans to use them to shoot more pheasants. I point at both and say, "Meal or no meal?" (I am thinking I should have made it in the oven instead of the microwave because when I do that it's so much easier to pass off ready made meals as my own.) They hesitate for a moment and then start jumping up and down, "No meal!" Everyone cheers. I then casually walk over to the oven and open the door. There are two turkey legs from Thanksgiving that fell off and have been covered by aluminum foil for the last three months. Each one now appears to have the rough skin of a tyrannosaurus Rex. "Meal or no meal?" I ask. "Maybe we should take it," one desperate kid pleads. I tell them it's from the new genre of cooking called " minimalist ." It suits an extremely busy mom just fine. Some defeathered turkey legs and eight washed plums in an earthy, homemade basket in the middle of the table puts me on the cutting edge. "No sirree!" the others respond. "No meal! No meal!" "Very well," I say. I stroll over to the pantry closet, open it, and show the kids five potatoes that have grown horns like Santa's reindeer. They are soft, pliable, and now a lovely green. Just in time for St. Patrick's Day. "Meal or no meal?" I ask with a smile. "Don't do it!" our youngest shouts. "I hate green." The older children relent and say, "No meal!" I casually close the doors and walk over to the couch in the living room. I warn them we are getting down to their last choice. I then lift up the middle couch cushion and produce the bag of Cheetos that was left there when my oldest son entered first grade. "They're still orange," I say, "at least when you pull them apart. It fits in with the trendy medieval style of eating where no silverware is used." The kids start to waiver. Someone lunges for the bell but then pulls back. "No meal!" they announce. At that I take my coat, purse, and keys and casually answer, "You win! There's No Meal tonight. I'm going to Panera to eat supper with the Banker (your father). See you tomorrow night, same time, same channel." Behind me I hear the oven door open and one of the kids asks, "Why are those turkey legs still moving?" The best Mother's Day gift ever is when mom wins "Meal or No Meal?" Happy Mother's Day, Mom! By Cheryl Moeller, B.S.,M.A. Cheryl Moeller is a stand up comic, author and syndicated columnist for moms. She wants to make moms laugh until they feel better. She's a mom of 6 ranging in age from 9 to 26.
Permalink Comments (4) It's Time for Spring HousecleaningPosted Wednesday, March 26, 2008 (119 days 18 hours ago.) Viewed 678 times. One of our most difficult choices was to sell a new home we had built a year earlier. No, we didn't have mold in the basement or obnoxious neighbors living next door; we just couldn't afford it. We were house poor and we were honest enough to admit it. Moving into a house half the size meant we had to swallow a great deal of our pride. Why was that so hard to do that one spring? Materialism teaches the lie that we are what we own. It promises that whatever we lack in our self-confidence we can make up in what we own. God offers a wonderful alternative to materialism. It's called contentment. Contentment is the choice we make to be at peace with the provisions God has placed in our lives. It's a radical and counter-cultural thought. Who we are is shaped by what we worship. True self-confidence comes from worshiping Jesus Christ. He allows us to be at peace with what we own, even if God never adds anything to it. If we have worked hard and followed Christ diligently, then all we own is all God must believe that we need for right now. Do you know the best news of all? God's contentment doesn't cost us a thing - except our misery. Maybe instead of just doing spring housecleaning this year you need to consider downsizing to give yourself time for what is really important. Maybe you don't need to sell your home but maybe you need to give up something else that is hindering the new true wealth which is time. You will be finally able to afford both quality and quantity time with your family. You may finally have time for a date night every week with your spouse. You may have time to deepen your relationship with Christ. You may have time to find that Christ can meet your needs in any and every situation because you won't be chasing and running after everything else. You may have time for Scripture memory, prayer, church attendance, and Bible study. At the Christian college that Bob attended a most unusual college course was offered. For thirty days each January during the coldest month of the year in Minnesota, a history professor took students to live in what what was known as "The Depression House." The idea was to replicate the difficult conditions of rural America in the 1930's. For one month the students would forego hamburgers, pizza, and tacos for a diet consisting of cornmeal, homemade bread, and beans. The irony is that students flocked to the course. The majority were from affluent homes in which they had never known deprivation or struggle. The value of the course was that they discovered true contentment and happiness can survive even a Depression. The apostle Paul from the New Testament wrote most of his letters while held in damp and dreary prisons. We can assure you those awful prisons needed a real spring housecleaning but Paul could speak of joy and contentment because he discovered that even in prison Christ is present and alive. The secret of contentment for the Apostle Paul was his relationship with Jesus Christ. "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12b God wants us to learn the lesson in our family and marriage that Christ is contentment. That's the secret to really doing a spring housecleaning where it matters most - in your soul. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- By Cheryl and Bob Moeller Cheryl is an outrageous stand up comic for moms. She is a syndicated humor columnist who hopes to make you laugh until you better better. Find out more about her new CD "Spin Cycle," her humor columns and how you can bring her to speak at your mom's group at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com Bob is President of Marriage. His conference website is www.forkeepsconference.com. He is a pastor, speaker, TV show host, and writer on marriage issues. They have co-authored two books. Marriage Minutes , Moody Press and For Better, For Worse, For Keeps , Marrriagevine Press can be purchased on www.momlaughs.blogspot.com.
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