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Sex, Love and RelationshipsAlisa Miller (1,303)    Alisa Miller    http://alisa-miller.com How To Talk To a Girl OnlinePosted Thursday, September 17, 2009 (67 days 11 hours ago.) Viewed 413 times. When it comes to talking to a girl online, on the face of it at least, things should be easier. After all you can do all your homework and get to find out some details just by looking at her profile and reading about her hobbies and interests. No need to look like a stalker or the kind of guy who gets thrown out of the Seers department stores' lingerie section. So with that part over and done with it should be ever so easy - except of course, it isn't. That's why I am writing this post. Online etiquette demands that when you approach a girl you have never spoken to before you should observe the social contract just like if you were offline. 1. Do not be overtly familiar. Irrespective of what you think you know about her you still do not know her. 2. Do not talk to her like she's your buddy. Girls are still girls. We need to be talked to like we are girls, not honorary guys. 3. Do not introduce the question of sex in the third sentence. Obvious as this may be, the number of guys who will start off with, 'Hi, how are you? Do you like sex?' is so large that it obviously still needs to be said. 4. Do not ask if they are single when they have stated in their profile that their status is otherwise. If they are looking for a guy they will state that. 5. Do not beg for nude pics, cybersex or personal contact details. It is demeaning and it instantly discredits you in the eyes of the girl. 6. Do not use explicit or profane language. You are only underselling yourself if you do. 7. Do not be arrogant or abusive. Girls find both these attitudes a total turn-off. 8. Do not brag about past girlfriends. This is also a total turn-off, plus it shows that you are insensitive. 9. Do not talk about yourself unless you are asked. Remember you initiated the conversation. This means that you need to at least show a modicum of interest in the person you are talking to. 10. Do not overstay your welcome. A first contact, even online, is just that. A first contact. Do not abuse it by being so persistent that the girl begins to feel uncomfortable about you. The thing with the online world is that it sometimes makes us forget that it is exactly like the offline world but with added capabilities. The moment we remember this detail we are in a better position to avail ourselves of the opportunities that a 24/7 online world gives us. 
Permalink Comments (3) Don't Call Me Babe (and When Perhaps You Should)Posted Sunday, September 13, 2009 (71 days 16 hours ago.) Viewed 178 times. It was Pamela Anderson who in Barb Wire , a post-apocalyptic remake of Casablanca , immortalized the line by appearing in tight leathers and lycra and highlighting her silicone-enhanced assets. Whatever the ambitions or pretension of the B-movie might have been the tag line was ironic. Here was the epitome of the 'babe' for some two decades playing both in character and against stereotype in a semi-autobiographical role based upon a silver screen classic. It flopped. The tag line has endured. The question however has remained: why do guys feel obliged to call a woman they hardly know 'babe'? There are a few schools of thought on the subject but lacking serious research we are firmly in the realm of supposition backed by logical analysis. Men are inherently insecure - They feel uncertain of themselves when it comes to meeting women. We are a little past the cavemen days when a bump on the head with a moderately heavy club was acceptable behavior so we are reduced to a cloaked oral assault designed to infantilize us, as 'babe' is derivative of 'baby', and reduce us to objects of desire. Women want someone to care for them - A baby is helpless and needs constant attention. 'Babe' takes the term into new heights by adding connotations of sexuality, availability and attention-seeking. This changes the man-woman dynamic from a relationship of equals seeking the same thing and bringing different aspects of it into the whole to a situation of carer-dependent. It is a 'harmless' opening gambit - You can hardly start a conversation by telling a woman you find her beautiful and is she sexually available? (At least in most settings). So you need to establish whether she is open enough to at least accept the playfulness of a remark intended to denote exactly this kind of thing and then see if she responds, all the while being able to avoid having to say the words outright. It is a sign of our times - We work, increasingly, in a multi-layered world where overt sexuality has become a sign of our times and where the sexes need catalysts which can help define the mating dance parameters. A woman who likes being called 'babe' accepts her role has been circumscribed to the boundaries defined by the word 'babe' and its connotations and she is happy to operate within them. Whatever the reasons the effect is the same. When socially called for and mutually agreed upon the term presages a certain type of behavior between a man and a woman which forms part of what we should call a social contract. Issues occur when the term is used as a blanket term of appellation for every female which a male comes across. At that point it manages to debase both its own context of usage and those who use it and does no one any real good at all. When I was undergoing an expensive education one of my favorite teachers said: "You can say pretty much anything you like. I am only going to ask that you think before you say it." At the time my reaction was the expected one of the rebellious teen listening to an adult in authority. Her words however have remained with me and I think if we apply them to any kind of modern-day interaction we have whether online or offline we will go a lot further in terms of striking the right note with members of the opposite sex.
Permalink Comments (11) Why the Happiest Day of a Woman's Life Is Also the Reason Relationships FailPosted Friday, September 04, 2009 (80 days 17 hours ago.) Viewed 38 times. Mention marriage to any unmarried woman and you will get a dreamy, filmy-eyed look as they conjure up in their imagination that magic day when they walk down the aisle and exchange marriage vows with Mr Right. The fact that an almost exact opposite reaction is encountered when you mention the word marriage to women who are already married goes a long way to explain divorce statistics. The question of course is what happens? Why do all the dreams and hopes dry up so fast? Why do we, women, go from being so full of happiness and dreams and expectations to being dissatisfied, feeling lonely and being lost? It's impossible to speak for or generalize successfully about anyone's inner world so the best thing about it is to actually analyze the psychodynamics of marriage and married life. Leaving pure sentiment aside and looking at the decision of getting married, from a woman's point of view, begins a finite period of maximum stress, excitement and elation as she goes through the process of organizing it all and being the centre of attention. Whatever this does in terms of biochemistry, psychologically it is a high which lasts as long as the preparations for the wedding last and which is marked by its own micro-world, intense ups and downs. Within this context the wedding day itself is the culmination of many complex processes and hundreds of man-hours of hard work. Is it really the happiest day of any woman's life? Perhaps, though I find that assertion to be deplorable as it comes with the unstated assumption that nothing after it can quite match it. It is, however, a day marked by elation and a strong sense of relief. Psychodynamically what follows afterwards is never going to be quite as good. This then leads to a cycle where married life appears to be more stable but less exciting than what happened before it and the cycle of excitement and attention is repeated only if having children is on the menu, a decision which comes with its own built-in biochemicals and the problems attending motherhood. You begin now to see a pattern developing. Our search for excitement and attention appears to set us upon a path where children, affairs and histrionics seem to be inevitable choices, as does the fact that life settles into a mundane pattern where happiness appears an elusive quality. Of course much of this is a case of perception and shared expectations. If we view the day we say ''yes'' as the first step on a journey which only gets better, happier, more exciting and act within that, slightly different, context, everything changes. That however requires a certain amount of introspection, going against a trend fuelled by popular media and commercialism and being more certain of one's self, motives, drives and goals than the average segment of population. The reward for the effort involved is a life that's truly happier than most married couples, greater stability and life choices which are governed by true mutual desires and shared goals and less by an unacknowledged search for thrills and attention.
Permalink Comments (3) How To Create Instant Rapport With a WomanPosted Wednesday, August 26, 2009 (89 days 7 hours ago.) Viewed 250 times. Unless you've been living in a barrel at the bottom of the sea for the last fifteen years you will be aware of the fact that the dating scene has changed substantially. Suddenly there is speed-dating, blind-dating, bring-a-friend-dating, same-sex dating and just about every flavour, type and combination of dating you can imagine. Such a high level of organisation in what is usually a chaotic process allows the spotlight to highlight the problems where they usually are: at a personal connection level. While we have become incredibly efficient at organising dating and removing any kind of stigma from the dating scene, we have, as individuals only increased our own incapability to connect with another person. There are many reasons for this not least of which is the fact that because dating has become so well organised we have, by default, become accustomed to signing up and getting a date as opposed to the old-fashioned way of having to work hard for it. The result is that when we finally get there and meet a person we would love to connect with, the skills we need and which we should have honed, are sadly missing. This is where this article comes into its own. It is an article rather than a treatise and as such it will focus on one simple tip. Something which will transform your chances of connecting from nil to a percentage greater than one. Something which will improve your date score by a magnitude of at least ten. Something which will make you standout from the crowd and maybe even get you an encore. Magic? No, far from it. The tip is simple, it is workable and it actually requires almost no work at all. Ok, I know you are intrigued. So let's cut to the chase. Listen. That's it! Every single girl in the world likes to have a man who's truly interested in what she says. Someone who is attentive, polite, quiet and a good listener. It may sound simple to you right now but believe me it is not. I have lost count of the number of times girlfriends of mine have begged, threatened and cajoled to try and get a man who would actually listen. Muster this little tactic when you are with a woman and you will find her warming up to you even if you are Quasimodo, who incidentally held Esmeralda's affection because he was such a great listener.
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