One of the most common complaints I get from my clients – men and women is that they somehow tend to attract repeat hurts, failed relationships and sometimes abuse. On the other hand, good people seem to run away from them.
Tragically, this is the common experience of most single people. When I first started out as an attraction and dating coach, I was always puzzled as to why this is so. But over the years, I have found some common characteristics across, gender, education levels and people of all races, ages and walks of life:
Regardless of how resistant to sexual pressure you really are, a person who craves love gives the impression that s/he is vulnerable to manipulation. If you lack in sexual confidence, are overly anxious and susceptible to depression, always reacting in a defensive manner, eager to please or always trying to grab attention, angry at the world or look sad because you have not had much love in your life, others will look at you and see your desperation and vulnerability. You will attract men and women who’ll initially treat you tenderly and kindly and flatter you with attention and "fake' affection but only until they are sure that you’re hooked, then they treat you however they wish. And because you are so scared of losing the object of your admiration (you fear you may never find another person to love you) you find it hard to resist the urge to try to do anything possible to hold on to that person. But nothing you do seems to work.
May be you've read or heard that craving love doesn't help you attract it so you get into relationships and try to play hard to get. But your passive desperation comes out in how you react to other people's words and actions. Someone you know or are attracted to may say something about relationships in general or they are just expressing themselves, and you feel like you've been personally attacked.
Tragically large number of people craving love and lacking in self-esteem mistakenly think that it is because they are not blessed with great looks that the right people find them undesirable. This is most certainly not so. The thought is so obviously incorrect that because there is evidence of people we might not even be considered remotely good-looking by society’s standards who are happily married and living a fulfilled life.
To be able to attract the right people, a man or woman craving love and lacking in self-esteem needs far superior dating skills than most singles people. In addition to the pressures all single people have, you will find dating more challenging than most people find it because you have a history of having done everything possible to find and keep love and still failed. Your past tragedies cause you to lose hope that you could ever successfully attract the right person. You may even feel that any attempt to find love will be a futile waste of effort.
If you are sincerely interested in attracting love in your life I suggest you start by asking yourself how is it that you attract the same kinds of people over and over again? When you get into a relationship or if you are already in one, ask the person why they were attracted to you in the first place. You may be surprised. Ask you close friends how you come across to strangers. And be willing to listen to some hard facts that may be painful to admit. What does your personal image, dress and posture say about you? Are you a sloppy dresser or keen dresser hiding behind low self esteem? Do your words ay one thing and your body language completely something different? All these things and many more unwittingly reveal more information about you than you are aware of or you intend to. Knowing why the wrong sort of people might be attracted to you and you to them can be a relief. You can change your life by changing your thoughts and actions.
When someone sees you as happy, confident and relatively content, they’ll assume you are quite choosy as to who you relate to and how far you would go. They’ll assume you have none of the desperation that pressures some singles to compromise who they are to get the love they crave. You find that people who may be intent on hurting you, just playing you on or do not know how to be in an intimate loving relationship keep away because your energy makes them feel uncomfortable around you. Other happy, confident and relatively content people find you more their speed.
My website has lots more advice on the ingenuity of creating the "click" with the opposite sex. Once you can identify what is about you that promises enjoyment, excitement, arousal and nurturance or some reward related to personal expansion, you’ll have found the secret of creating a connection that will make both of you feel loved, wanted, desired and fulfilled. |
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