Last time we defined what giving someone "The Creeps" was really all about, and outlined the first six of a "dirty dozen" ways to give someone the "heebie-jeebies".
The first six talked primarily about actions and appearance. This time we're going to focus on the words you use while you are on a date. It is my most sincere hope that all of you who are reading can find more productive things to talk about on a first date than what is covered below. Actually, ANYTHING would be better!
1) Describing what or who you "hate" in lurid detail
I suppose a rant about negative complainers is somewhat hypocritical, right? Chalk it up to making a point and forgive me. After all, I love everyone. Nonetheless, people who go on and on about who they hold grudges against, stuff that really peeves them, and the like end up making their dates' skin crawl. It's just an uncomfortable feeling to hang out with someone who is such a downer. And you can't help but think how much of a drag it would be to get on this person's bad side, although you would think that has to be inevitable eventually.
2) Talking about your mother too much
It's pretty boring when women do this on dates, but if a man does it he at best looks like a "mama's boy". At worst he looks like Norman Bates. Ouch. Family ties are always good, but leave Mom at home on first dates. Ironically enough, it's a lot easier for both genders to talk about their Dads and look good. Strange, huh?
3) Talking about medical problems
Talking about doctor's visits, health problems, what hurts and how sick you got a week ago is a bummer. Some of the more mature adults who are in the dating world are the ones who report this happening the most. That doesn't mean that it's unheard of in the younger crowd. I personally went on a first date once where the woman went on and on –over dinner--about having chronic kidney stones. She talked about how painful it was, and how she had to pass one the size of a pea. While still talking, she produced a medicine vial, which I assumed contained her meds. How wrong I was. She poured out the actual kidney stones into her hand! I can't really describe the feeling I had at that moment. "Creeped out" comes pretty darned close.
4) Abrupt motions and/or mood changes
Have you ever been around someone who is mellow and laid back, and all of the sudden they "wake up" or something and become really animated? If you have, you realize how startling and freaky it can be. Even stranger is when someone goes from being calm and pleasant to being excitable and angry virtually on the fly. That kind of "Jekyll And Hyde" stuff will strongly encourage dates to run away.
5) Blatant contradictions in behavior or words
If someone says he or she is a certain way and then behaves in an opposite manner, it confuses others and likely caused them to be very suspect of his or her intentions. Personal integrity may even be questioned. Consistency is always a plus when dating. For example, if you say you "don't drink", it's not a good idea to drain six martinis and get wasted a few hours later. This causes a date to wonder exactly who it is he or she is hanging out with…which is an unsettling feeling.
6) Going on and on about exes-especially creepy ones
We all know that it's a bad idea to talk about exes on first dates. But that doesn't stop people. It's especially troublesome, however, to hear about having been abused, stalked or other wise freaked out by someone in the past. In fact, it creeps out the person who has to endure hearing about it.
7) *BONUS* Asking inappropriate questions
We have all been on our fair share of "interview dates". Those aren't fun. But as soon someone starts asking particularly inappropriate questions of someone he or she barely knows, things go south particularly quickly. Nothing puts ants in your date's pants like being put on the spot, let alone when the expected answer involves information of an entirely too personal nature.
So there you have it, the second half of the "dirty dozen". Make it a "baker's dirty dozen". If you are like me, reading the two articles in this series back-to-back in and of itself is enough to make me want to scrub my hands with sandpaper and spray "Raid" in my boxers.
Seriously though, I realize this all takes a lot of courage to even consider, but it's worth doing so. WHOA yeah, is it worth doing so-that's an understatement! Just looking at the list we just covered drives home the point of how truly easy it is to blow a first date. It's disarmingly easy to make a little blunder that kills attraction, and the truth is we've all been guilty on rare occasions. If there are "recurring difficulties" however, I can't think of a bigger issue tied to derailing your entire dating life than this one. Deserving what you want dictates "creep factor elimination" as a prerequisite.
Copyright (c) 2006 X & Y Communications
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Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the books "Deserve What You Want" and "Cook For Your Date", and hosts the popular podcast series "X & Y On The Fly". He may be reached at scot *at* xandycommunications.net or on the Web at
http://www.dating-advice.us/ and
http://www.romantic-dinner.com/ . The podcast series is available free of charge at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly.
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