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I have a four year old son. He is very physically active and has great
motor skills. Far better at most sports they I was at his age. Most of
our friends have their children in sports and like most "soccer moms"
they drive from event to event - especially on the weekends. We tagged
along to a few soccer games and a number of things struck me during and
after the games. The most obvious was that there were plenty of kids
there who would have rather been somewhere else and who's parents were
the excited part of the group. There were also parents yelling and
carrying on. At their kids no less. This is not right I thought, I have
to take a look at this.
By now you are saying "this guy must have been watching a game in some
rough side of town" but nothing could be further from the truth. No the
problem was not to be found in the surroundings or in the kids for the
matter. It was to be found in the parents and their approach at the
game. I would be a great blessing if someone would write the "how to
get your kids into sports handbook - parents edition". I could hand
them out by the box. Here is the basic problem. Is the kid doing a
sport because you expect him/her to, or because they have a great
amount of fun when then play? Simple enough question right? Well I
asked 10 parents after the game and all of them said, "oh he loves it".
"Are you sure?" I would ask, "how can you tell?". I got some blank
looks and some laughed. "We know out kids", were the most common
answer. Did they I thought.
I next asked the kids one by one, what they liked about the game they
just played. I got some rather interesting answers to be sure. "my
friend Tommy was here", "I scored so daddy will be happy", "I wanted to
go home, by belly hurt but I had to play". Had to play? Why? I asked.
"My big brother played and I have to do everything he did". Ok now I
had something to talk about. Lets take a look at why we have our kids
in sports at all.
Outdoor activity
Keeps the physically active
Builds strong bodies
Builds self confidence
Kids have fun
Something we can do together
I am sure there are more reasons but these came up more often then any
other in my little survey. In this case it was soccer but in the case
of Hockey the outdoor element is obviously removed. None the less I
feel that the parents intent here was to make the kid get out of the
house, not to just be out doors. I mean it that was the case, make him
run around the house a few laps. Keeping the child active is a great
idea and with so many children being fatter then ever I am all for it.
Again though, it that was all we could take a walk with them or ride
our bikes. Why sports? Building of the bodies is true to an extent, but
it can also be too much for a child. We have to make sure it is done
with moderation. Self confidence. Now here is something I hear all the
time. Sure when the kid is good at what they do and when they feel they
can overcome problems by trying harder that is good, but what will
happen to a 4 year old child who fails? We will get back to this is a
moment. Kids have fun. I should hope so, but I saw a few who did not
and there are some reasons why. And lastly, we do something together.
Something we can both enjoy and be excited about. Fair enough, so long
as that is not a one way street.
Lets break down these arguments further. What will motivate us to chose
a sport for our children? Our own experience usually. Did we play
something as kids. Were we good? I see parents projecting themselves
onto their kids by first choosing the sport, then expecting allot from
the kids. Often more then they can deliver. I saw a man in a part once
who was throwing a softball to a very small buy, maybe 5 years old. The
boy kept missing and missing and all the man said was "come on, try!".
The buy tried and failed. Tried and failed. he started crying and his
father said "there is no crying in baseball, now hit the ball". I was
ready to take the father aside and show him my size 12 shoe but I
thought better of it. We can all see what he did wrong, but can we see
a lesser example of the same? Are we doing it maybe without knowing it.
Perhaps.
We as humans learn much faster from failure then success so make sure
you arrange for your children to succeed the first few times you do
something with them. Positive thinking. If they fail anyway, change the
thing you are doing until they succeed. I kicked a soccer ball to my
son and although he could kick it back, he chose to pick it up with his
hands. Instead of telling him that picking it up was bad and thus make
the whole thing negative, I showed him how he could throw the ball to
my foot and then I did the same. Soon the ball was back on the ground
and we were playing like normal. They don't know the rules, they just
want to succeed and they measure that success by your reaction and your
praise. If they don't have any fun with something or just plain can't
do it, move on to something else. Do not push them into some sport
because that is what you wanted to do. Let them show you what they
want. Expose them to several and observe them. Are they quick at
picking up the rules? Can they do it will?
In the end it is most important that they have fun. They have fun if
you are proud of them and if they are allowed to succeed. Give them
every means to do so and let them lead the way. Not every kid will like
soccer because his brother did. Let him chose for himself. That builds
confidence.
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