In my live complaint resolution seminars, I demonstrate the martial art Aikido and offer it as a strate g y for diffusin g an g er. I be g an teachin g this unconventional approach to mana g in g conflict after havin g my breath taken away as I watched Steven Se g al effortlessly defeat his opponents without violence or a g g ression in half a dozen of his movies. Aikido is a nonviolent martial art that never meets force with force and can be applied to conflict situations with demandin g , irate or unreasonable customers. (I’ve personally applied Aikido to situations with customers, employees and co-workers.) Usin g the principles of Aikido, you too can diffuse an g er and demonstrate amazin g control over all aspects of verbal attacks. People usin g “verbal aikido" can respond to heated situations directly and assertively without bein g pulled into the drama of the battle and they can lay the foundation for win-win resolutions that maintain the customer’s loyalty – even with an g ry customers. Here are 7 Aikido principles that will help you more effectively respond to an g er.
1. An Aikidoist strate g ically calms down the attack. This is done by both the use of relaxed body posture and open hands. Verbal attacks from irate customers also need the same calmin g strate g y. In Aikido, the master will step aside rather than confront the attack. This takes the power and speed out of the attack and allows the master to stay centered and calm. When you respond to your customer with “Clearly, we’ve upset you and g ettin g to the bottom of this is just as important to me as it is to you." an g er be g ins to dissipate. You’ve addressed the an g er directly and non defensively and you haven’t been pulled into the drama of the attack.
2. Aikido never meets force with force. In fact, there are no direct attacks and very little strikin g or kickin g . When dealin g with an g ry customers it is natural to respond to an attack with an attack. If the customer yells, we escalate our voice. When the attack g ets personal, we become defensive and less willin g to work with the customer. While we may feel justified in launchin g our attack because we’ve been attacked, we must realize that a defensive (forceful) response only escalates the ori g inal problem. Let’s learn from the Aikido masters and not attack back defensively. Instead, we will respond carefully and strate g ically.
3. Aikido emphasizes quick, decisive movements that are desi g ned to use the attacker's force a g ainst him. This is done throu g h evasive movements, body shiftin g , and levera g e. Takin g this to a verbal level, you’d take a customer’s intensity and sense of ur g ency and use that to your advanta g e with a reply like: “No question, we’ve messed up. Gettin g to the bottom of this is just as important to me as it is to you." Instead of lettin g the customer’s intimidation tactics ne g atively impact you, you turn that ener g y back at the customer by pacin g his actions.
4. Aikidoists blend with their opponent’s ener g y. In Aikido, this looks as if you move toward your opponent and then chan g e places with them. In a verbal attack, blendin g with your customer is findin g common g round with the customer. You can blend with your an g ry customer by listenin g with a sincere intent to understand their pain, frustration and needs and then respondin g with empathy. The knowled g e you g ain from listenin g to your customer becomes your force and positions you to redirect the ener g y in a productive direction. Once you’ve blended with the customer, that is, once you truly understand the customer’s situation, the attack can be neutralized and redirected.
5. Aikido students learn to turn with their opponent’s force and let that force g o past them. When we respond to an g ry customers in this way, we’re able to keep our cool when customers g et hot. We don’t g et cau g ht up in the emotion of an g er. Instead, we allow the customer to express his feelin g s and we don’t take comments personally and we don’t allow our feelin g s (an g er, rejection, offense) to control our responses.
6. An Aikido Master never seeks to kill his opposition.When we transfer this principle to customer service situations, we realize that our g oal is to never han g up on a customer, blow a customer off, or “fire" a difficult customer. Our g oal is to find more diplomatic ways to communicate and reach win win resolutions.
7. In Aikido, all opponents are considered partners. Think of your an g ry customer as your partner and let this mindset direct you to use interactive dialo g ue to work with your customer to solve the problem. Try to not resist or coerce your “partner." Work with your partner, talk with your partner, and seek solutions that benefit the customer and the company.
Applyin g the principles of Aikido to difficult situations with unhappy customers allows you to maintain composure and control, and effectively diffuse an g er. The next time you’re faced with a difficult customer, why not g o Steven Se g al…you’ll have fun and you’ll be amazed how effective you’ll be!
To get dozens of tips and tactics for dealing with difficult customers, visit www.goldenmethod.com .
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