People who don’t have an active social life often punish themselves even further by not taking part in their favorite activities if they don’t have a partner to accompany them. For example, they may love dining out at fine restaurants, or attending live theatre, but they have convinced themselves that they cannot enjoy such activities unless they are with someone else.
Many people avoid doing activities they love when they are alone because they worry what others will think of them. Instead of going out for a fine restaurant meal, or going to the theatre alone, they will stay home to hide their loneliness from the world, perhaps eating in front of the television when they would have preferred watching a live play, or having a fine meal in a good restaurant.
Does this happen to you? For example, do you refuse to dine in restaurants by yourself because you worry what other patrons in the restaurant will think if they see you eating alone?
Remember that the thoughts of other people cannot really affect you. Only your own thoughts can affect you.
If you are worried about what others might think or say if they see you out alone, exactly what horrible outcome are you afraid of? Has anything really horrible or humiliating already happened to you when you went out alone? Or do the horrible events happen only in your imagination?
Chances are overwhelming that if you eat alone in public, most people will pay very little attention to you. If people notice you at all, they might think, “I wonder what that woman is having, it looks good", or, “She’s eating alone, I wish I had the nerve to do that". It’s very likely that they will not spend even thirty seconds thinking about you and your solitary evening. Their minds will quickly move on to other topics which are of far more interest to them.
If you have convinced yourself that you cannot enjoy any of your favorite activities alone, your attitude will create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go out alone, and then spend the whole time feeling sorry for yourself and your circumstances, then no matter how great the meal, or how funny the movie, you will go home miserable.
When you go to something alone, give the event a real chance. Don’t go into the experience convinced that you will have a lousy time. Make a commitment to fully enjoy yourself. Resolve not to criticize your aloneness at all. Refuse to believe that you cannot have fun if you are alone.
Before the event, take some time to relax and pamper yourself. Have a nice bath and play your favorite music. Put on attractive clothing that makes you look and feel good. Visualize yourself having fun and enjoying the coming experience.
While you are at the event, pay attention to all the sensory details, and savor whatever pleasure there is to be had in the occasion. After the event is over, give it a score from 1 to 10 to rate how much you actually enjoyed yourself. Did you have a better time than you expected?
Quite often, if people are really open-minded, they find they enjoy solitary activities much more than they anticipated. If you can learn to create pleasure and fun for yourself, you will also be much more attractive to the people you encounter along the way.
This article is written by Royane Real author of "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want" available at http://www.royanereal.com |
