On their deathbeds people rarely say, “I wish I had spent more time at the office." Rather they talk about their relationships with people. It’s wonderful to have a lot of friends. What we want most, however, is to leave “footprints in people’s hearts."
It’s so easy to get caught up in our to do lists. Footprints, however, are about when we have very emotionally intimate experiences with people and say things or do things that change their lives or how they perceive their lives. The rewards of deeply connecting with people and touching people are what feed our spirit and give our lives a sense of purpose. It helps our hearts at both physiological and metaphorical levels.
What does it take to leave footprints? I’m fascinated with how most people who haven’t seen a loved one for a long time resume the relationship step by step. While picking up a friend at the airport, they ask how the flight was. Some people stay at that level and others progress to more intimate levels. We can choose to take relationships to more intimate levels–it’s a learnable skill. The easiest route is by candid self-revelation of vulnerable feelings or thoughts.
While leaving footprints takes time, it is more about the quality of a relationship than the quantity of a relationship. Recall people who have left footprints in your heart. Was it the amount of time they spent with you or something else like intimacy, caring, guidance, or even charisma?
Think of someone’s life that you touched. What really connected in the relationship. This might be a template for how you can touch others’ lives as well. For example, if the connection came from being like a parent or grandparent to the person, there may be another person who would love to have that kind of a relationship too. If it came from sharing how you weathered a similar difficult situation, you might be able to help others in a similar way. Or perhaps it was just being a good listener who understood the person and her feelings and pain. The focus is on what he or she needs. As Henry Ford said, “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
The more you allow yourself to touch people’s lives, the easier and more natural it becomes. What does leaving footprints have to do with defying aging? People who defy aging have a strong sense of purpose. They touch lives and make a difference. We can model them by periodically steping back and assessing whether we are touching peoples lives or just getting sucked up in our to do lists.
Ultimately, it is as Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."
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Dr. Michael Brickey, The Anti-Aging Psychologist, teaches people to think, feel, look and be more youthful. He is an inspiring keynote speaker and the Oprah-featured author of Defy Aging and 52 baby steps to Grow Young. Visit www.NotAging.com for a free report on secrets for being more youthful and a free newsletter with practical anti-aging tips.
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