I know, I know. New parents and couples without children, especially those having a difficult time conceiving, say, “How can you even say a thing like that?" May you be blessed abundantly and soon know the answer for yourself personally!
It isn’t that parents don’t appreciate their children. It’s that we are overwhelmed by how much there is to appreciate.
Like having a child dancing in place, screaming because the cup of milk wasn’t placed just so next to three, count ‘em, exactly THREE cookies. This would be the blessing of a two-year old.
How about the wail of a child who cannot possess every item she sees? “MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!" “No, you can NOT have these scissors/this newspaper/my soda/your brother’s favorite truck/the tax returns!" Or a child running through the fifth lie in a row to explain the shortage of candy in the candy box. “Um, er, um, well, it’s like, um…I don’t know!" Lies, talking back, whining, tattletales, dancing in place, holding their breath…this is why having pets is NOT like having children.
I’ve never seen a dog roll his eyes and huff when you tell him to pick up after himself. I’ve never had a cat smart-mouth me. Dogs don’t hold their breath when you refuse them a treat before dinner. Cats don’t follow you around informing you of every misdeed that the other pets committed.
In fact, dogs and cats stay cute. Kids outgrow it. Before you know it, that wonderful new baby scent is gone and it’s no longer a novelty to drive them around town and show them off. Now it’s just a chore. And no matter how many deodorizers you hang on their nose, that new baby smell never quite returns.
No, God has a great sense of humor. He decided to bless them with odor and as a parent you will become an expert at identifying these odors because if the kids don’t stink in some fashion, their rooms, backpacks, lunch bags and car seats will.
Parents start out as reasonable and rational human beings. But over the years, all that gradually erodes. No matter how many parenting guides we read in the beginning, no matter ho many pre-natal classes we took, no matter how we prepped our tots for pre-school and kindergarten, we slowly turn into a shifty-eyed adult with a nervous facial tic…because we are always in a state of “Why?" “Why me?" “Why now?" “Why, God!?" We’re shifty-eyed because we’re always looking for the cause of our steadily increasing dementia. Where is that spouse that suggested that having kids was a wonderful thing that would enhance our relationship? Whenever the kids start, we ask them, “Where’s your mother/father?" as if our spouse has any answers.
We’ve got facial tics because we can’t even sneak down the hall to isolate ourselves in the bathroom without some little one following us—“Where are you going? What are you doing? Can I come, too?" We’re turning into old people fast. And there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s them! They are sucking the life from us!
How else do you explain morphing from a calm, rational adult into a hunched over, suspicious, crooked-finger-pointing … parent? We’ve become our parents! The curse is worse than we thought it would be!
So just because your kids drive you nuts sometimes doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It very well could mean you’re an INVOLVED parent—a scar-bearing member of the Parent Corps—and your greatest ally is a good sense of humor as well as the ability to laugh at and make light of the challenges of parenting.
(Suddenly, the noise of the kids swells and the sound is quickly followed by a loud crash accompanied by running tattlers all pointing their fingers at one another.) Now where is that husband of mine…?
--------------------------------------------------- Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press /Parent To Parent and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and newsletters. For more information and details, please contact editor@parenttoparent.com
LISA BARKER wrote the Jelly Mom article from 2004-2009. While she no longer writes the column, she does have two books available and a third pending all filled with her side-splitting humor. Visit LisaBarker.com for all the details.
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