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People have come to me saying, they’ve read somewhere or have been told by an “expert" that affirmations are the way to talk oneself into confidence approaching and interacting with the opposite sex. They’ve been told to chose certain words (confidence, charisma, sexy etc) and then repeat these words to themselves over and over again before they approach or interact with the opposite sex. These words supposedly work as affirmations to pump you up.
I’ve used affirmations to create all sorts of useful habits but there is a danger in using affirmations. Affirmations can delude and blind us to the real problems. If we affirm everything, it doesn’t solve the problem.
The reason why repeating words to yourself over and over again before you approach the opposite sex does not work is because it simply works up stress and creates more nervous energy (feelings of anxiety) which deprives you of the freedom to open up and express yourself fully. It is difficult to show someone that you are unique and interesting when you are stressed, anxious, worried, tired, frightened, controlling, agitated, depressed or withdrawn. When you are stressed, anxious, worried, tired, frightened, agitated and withdrawn, you also look, sound, touch and act differently than you do when you are relaxed.
This is a paradox because affirmations are supposed to eliminate stress and negative feelings so you can get what you want. But obviously affirmations can’t be used this way.
If you feel that you are missing feelings of pleasure, passion, ease and cheerfulness in your day-to-day experiences with the opposite sex, the only solution to this problem is to first get to the root of why you do not feel confident, charismatic, sexy etc. Through serious listening to your own questions, struggles, doubts, and experiences work through what is holding you back. When you have accomplished this (we can all do this) affirmations are not needed because you are fully connected to your own creative power and energy. You will start to work on a much higher level and you will discover possibilities you never would have discovered if you only pretended to talk yourself into confidence, charisma and sexiness.
Stop lying to yourself and start keeping it real!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng, Internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of ebook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™ helps men and women cultivate that NATURAL EASE that draws the opposite sex in - without the mental stress and emotional frustration of today's dating dynamics.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com |
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