Most of us don’t remember who changed our diapers; who spoon-fed us; who walked the floor with our tummy and earaches; who did without so that we could be provided for comfortably. We have to assume, of course, it was our parents; it just happened at a time when our memories hadn’t quite formed yet. But how many of our parents say, “okay, it’s time to pay the piper" when the roles are reversed by age and health?---not many I’m sure. Many parents dread the thought of becoming a burden to the very children they carried for so many years. I myself have told my children many times, “Don’t worry about it if you need to put me in a nursing home---if I can’t take care of myself, then let someone else do it---I promise you, I won’t mind."
Unless you or your parents are independently wealthy (and 90% of us are not), you may some day end up taking care of the two people who cared for you when you were too young to care for yourself and for far too many, this can be a true hardship. Many people, who want to care for their parents, and not just from a sense of obligation, but also from a sense of love and caring, find the task overwhelming from a financial as well as from a capability standpoint. My mother always wanted me to be a nurse, but I just couldn’t. I freaked at the first drop of blood from the tiniest injury---imagine what I would do in the middle of a full-blown tragedy! Some people are natural born caregivers, while others are not. That’s life and life can be very hard on anyone, no matter the age and adding the extra burden of an invalid adult can be more than even the very strongest can handle.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying a person shouldn’t care what happens to their aging father or mother---or aunt, uncle, sibling. I’m just saying if you want to do it and are emotionally and physically comfortable with the situation, then go for it and God Bless You. But if you aren’t, and you can’t and the stress and hardship would be more than your health or marriage could hold up to, then don’t do it. There are decent nursing homes out there; you just have to find one and monitor it closely. Visit often and unannounced.
If your live-in parent is capable of taking care of his or herself and can be left alone or with your children, they can also be a Godsend. Grandparents are what grandchildren are made for. They can teach your children so much about love and caring that you may be surprised at the benefits that can be reaped by their presence in your home.
Taking on the responsibility of an aging adult can be astronomical, but it can also be just what the doctor ordered (figuratively speaking). It is a decision that should be discussed by all family members---including children old enough to understand. Look at the issues from all sides, weighing the pros and cons. Don’t let yourself be frightened away from the idea before you give yourself a chance. You may find the experience more rewarding than arduous. But more importantly, don’t beat yourself up if you decide it is something you can’t do.
End
Sandra E. Graham---author, Amos Jakey, published by American Book Publishing.
Visit my website to read about my books and articles: www.sandragraham-articles-books.com
tweet this!
