Maidelee Brinegar was full of life at 78 years old. We all called her Grandma, and this took on special privilege for me when I married her granddaughter. Maidelee was a widow since cancer took her husband. From the time I joined the family there were stories of Pawpaw and after 10 years with the family I felt as though I had shared the experiences with all those involved.
Sometimes when life is going well, children are now becoming college graduates, and great grandchildren are being born, we take people for granted. Maidelee was always there. Grandma was present at all gatherings, active in all arguments, and even mowed her own lawn. She worked constantly demo-ing food products at local grocery stores. We always tried to talk her into starting her own business as Maidelee’s Little Old Lady Demo Service. One Christmas she even worked security at the local mall to help catch shop lifters. Imagine being accosted by 2 large men and a 78 year old Christian grandmother about the evils of stealing.
Christmases had come and gone for the family which now boasted 4 great grandchildren with a fifth on the way for Maidelee to enjoy. Christmases always included the traditional arguments of the events of Christmases past and whether or not my 35 year old brother in law had snuck in to open presents or switch name tags.
However, life does change, and before Christmas 1993 our Grandma had the first of many strokes. A lady full of life, love of her family, and a strong love in Jesus Christ was now bedridden, motionless, and no longer the same person. A personality forged for over 70 years was eliminated with a small, misplaced blood clot. We took turns talking to Grandma as she lay quietly, with eyes closed in her son’s home.
Obviously, life has to go on for those still involved in it. We returned home to Oklahoma and my brother in law and his family returned to central Texas .
My mother in law and father in law spent weeks caring for Grandma in their home. George prepared for the worst getting Maidelee’s finances and estate in order before she slipped away from us completely. There were minor advances in her health and then major setbacks. Grandma’s condition improved and then worsened with every phone call. Finally, after weeks of physical and emotional strain caring for Maidelee, the family decided it was necessary to take Maidelee to nursing home.
After one failed attempt at introducing her into a managed care facility, we were successful. Stories that you have to laugh to avoid crying, forced us to admit that Maidelee, who just six weeks before was the picture of independence, would now require twenty four hour care.
My work had kept me from visiting Grandma until July 16, 1994 . Slightly dreading the visit, I decided to go with my brother in law, George, to visit the nursing home.
When we walked in I was struck with the cleanliness and friendly atmosphere of the nursing home. Most of the nursing homes I had visited with a church group or when I visited a high school friend, who had almost taken his own life, had the faint smell of urine and decorated with dark, morbid colors. This home was decorated in the latest shades of mauve and blue and the floor was immaculate.
Then we saw the faces. Most of the people were in wheel chairs, some had walkers. Many of the faces were worn blank by the years of life. Many held memories that you would enjoy hearing on a fall evening, sitting in a porch swing. Some of the faces just stared at the two 30 something year old men who had just come to visit some lucky resident.
As we walked by we nodded our hellos and smiled big. As long as they could not read our eyes, we looked as though we were completely at ease visiting the home. George walked in front of me and was almost grabbed by a lady in a wheel chair who he did not notice. I was close enough behind George that she caught me. In a weak voice she asked “Are you here to visit?"
“Yes mam, we are here to visit our grandmother." I responded as I gently peeled back her grip and patted the back of her hand.
I quickly caught up with George. Before we got to Grandma’s room I was reminded of what he had warned me in the car. Sometimes Grandma would forget who we are or talked about things past as if they were in the present.
When we turned the corner into the room we immediately saw Maidelee, not a person who looked like Maidelee, it was her. Her smile was as wide as her face could manage. I could tell she knew exactly who we were. She was thinner than her usual small frame, but her face was full and her glasses still sat perched on her round cheeks.
“Hi Grandma." George was the first to speak as he glanced quickly at Grandma’s roommate and then the television that they had been watching. “Gunsmoke! I love Gunsmoke!"
“Really, I do too" she paused “but you try watching it 15 hours a day." Then she laughed and we laughed with her.
Maidelee was in today and we spent the next couple hours making small talk about family and encouraging her to eat steak fingers and mashed potatoes. George at her cookies, but she reassured us she would get some more at night with her milk.
George and I have always enjoyed a light hearted friendship that included plenty of humor. We did all we could to make Grandma smile and laugh. I even made fun of the bright orange shorts and leather sandals that George was wearing. George assured her that the shorts were comfortable and that Jesus wore sandals too. Grandma agreed with enthusiasm and laughter.
We concluded the visit with a promise to visit tomorrow with a What a Burger, French fries, and a Diet Coke. I’m sure the dietitian thought we were bad influences.
When we visited the next day we found Grandma talking with a friend in the main lobby of the nursing home. We took her to a quiet room adjacent to the chapel. As we walked I glanced back and forth at the small rooms which lined the hall. Some were bare and generic. The walls were pale and wanting for some type of testimony to the person who lay on the bed below.
But there were some walls which overflowed with the love and faces of those who owed their existence to the persons who lived in each of those rooms. Art work from grandchildren, picture of family events, prized stuffed animals, and smiles of family members. Various Bible verses and artists’ renditions of our Lord Jesus Christ decorated the walls.
At first I thought it was strange that there were no trophies, no certificates of merit, and no written awards for a job well done or testifying that the person had once been employee of the year. Each person had about a 5’ x 8’ piece of plaster wall to boast of what they held dear or important.
Then I realized that the person in each bed and the loved ones who visited were not going to waste the valuable real estate of a $1500 a month room on anything but what they held dear. The smiling faces of children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren were the only testimonies to the lives of the residents that were needed. If these people were judged as Christians by their walls, they were very successful.
We visited with Grandma for a couple hours more. We talked of our children. George’s two daughters and my two sons referred to Maidelee as Granny. Grandma promised to pass out my business cards at all parties and gatherings and would make sure that the home would only serve the ice cream my company produces.
When we returned Maidelee to her room I realized that her wall was taking shape. Pictures of great grandchildren that I hadn’t noticed before line her wall. Daughter, Wife, Mother, Grandmother, and Granny were her titles of honor. We would have a hard time choosing the proper pictures for Maidelee’s wall.
When we left we told her we loved her and wished her well. You never know if the next time you see them will be on your next visit or in heaven. We find strength in the fact that she is well cared for in the home and I take pride in knowing my picture is part of Grandma’s wall.
We visited Grandma as often as possible. Maidelee left us November 10, 1995 to spend eternity with Jesus. Everything I’ve been blessed with was allowed by God’s placing her in my life. I am sure she will spend a portion of her eternity telling George Paul, Pawpaw, about their great grandchildren.
Our Grandma knelt at the throne of our Lord and heard “Well done my good and faithful servant." She was not congratulated for her employee of the year honors, she was not honored for awards, but I imagine that after her welcome to the streets of gold she was humbled by the recount of how she let her light shine among us.
And I wish I could have seen her smile when Jesus said “Now Maidelee, let’s take a look at that wall."
Author note: When I wrote this in early 1995 before Maidelee died, I was asked to read it as a eulogy when she passed away. I prepared and read for that day and did not want to falter with emotion or tears. My goal was to share the love I had for a remarkable woman. The family sat on my right as I addressed a crowd of people who had come to pay respects. I read the account flawlessly until my words were choked by tears when I said the last line “Now Maidelee, let’s take a look at that wall." I sat down quietly with the family. I was slightly irritated by my lapse of control. George, my brother in law and an officer in the U.S. Army, leaned over to me with tears running down his face and said “I would have given you a crisp $20 dollar bill had you made it without any tears." Then he smiled and we remembered Maidelee.
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