If you are prone to high anxiety or have even mild traces of social phobias you’ll find making eye contact with people somewhat threatening. But this may not be your biggest problem. If you are prone to anxiety and lack sexual confidence at the same time, you’ll feel awkward making eye contact with the opposite sex because you fear that if you look at someone of the opposite sex, you’ll be seen as acting out in ways that are sexually inappropriate i.e. lusting after them.
But that is not the end of your problems. Even when you try to make eye contact, the opposite sex get upset and react angrily when they catch you looking at them. That makes you even more afraid to make any eye contact. And you know how dating can be a struggle when you can't make eye contact.
Sexual expressiveness and assertiveness are both learned behaviors and learning to express your erotic spirit is a practical, learnable skill. If you constantly find it hard to look the opposite sex in the eyes, try this very interesting and very effective exercise that facilitates a new self-awareness tied to the conscious experience of fearless sexuality.
1. Using a mirror, practice gazing into your eyes; look yourself in the eyes and see yourself seeing yourself. Gaze at yourself first in one eye for about a minute and then in the other eye. Try to see the “sexual" in you.
2. Do different poses and different eye gestures. Tell yourself the following: “Being sexual is natural. Being a sexual being is part of being human. It's Okay to be sexual. We all are sexual beings. I can be sexual without feeling embarrassed about it. I accept others as sexual beings. We all are sexual beings. I like feeling sexual." Add your own statements and have fun with it until it feels completely natural and “okay" to be sexual.
3. Take this feeling and look into the eyes of members of the opposite sex, friends, family, colleagues, and even strangers. Don’t be too aggressive or intrusive, just look with the aim of “going in there" and seeing them as “normal" sexual beings. If you are comfortable enough to do so, tell your friends what you are doing and ask for feedback on how you are coming across. If you are working with a counsellor or coach in areas that have to do with sexual "shyness" or sexuality in general, ask them if you can do this exercise and get feedback. The more you practice being comfortable with your sexuality before others, the faster you will see results.
As you become more comfortable with being a "sexual" person, you’ll be able to look directly into the eyes of someone of the opposite sex without even being conscious you’re doing it.
Becoming sexually expressive and assertive doesn't mean you have to become aggressive, in the style of the macho male. There is a big difference between sexual fearlessness and sexual aggressiveness (aggressiveness is really suppressed fear). But it gets better, you do not need years of psychoanalysis to become sexually expressive and sexually assertive. You can start today by visiting my website and learning more about sexual confidence, fearless sexuality and how to get your groove back if you’ve somehow lost it
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
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