Fate. What is fate? The dictionary defines fate as "the principle or determining cause or will by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are, or events to happen as they do. Destiny, the belief that there is only one person for another." But is there really? I mean, most people have many many significant others before getting married, and many still get remarried to other people. You may think each person is "the one," even after you break up with them, maybe even until your dying day. Is there really only one person for everyone, one "soulmate," or can there be many?
I interviewed a couple of people, a couple of real romantics like myself, to see what they had to say about it. I asked them if they really believed there was one Mr. (or Mrs.) Right in the world for them, and if somehow they'll find each other someday. Here's what they had to say:
30-year old Patricia Lim said, "Yeah, I'll go along with the theory willingly. After all, there are so many people in the world, and some couples meet in the strangest, and most unlikely of places. There's an old Chinese belief that says someone up in Heaven is busy connecting all the strings that tie couples together."
34-year old Alice Soorla said that she once didn't believe in fate, now believes destiny led her to her current husband.
Though Allan (a pseudonym), 28, is recovering from a broken relationship, he would like to think that it's because he has steered off-course momentarily and destiny will reveal his lady love in due time.
"The notion that there's only one soul mate for you is a result of seeing one too many romantic movies and reading all those Mills & Boon romances!" says banker Raj Kumar, 35, who got tired of the chasing game and decided to let his parents choose his wife for him!
The best quip came from Steven Tan, 33, who likened the multiple-choice theory to a mini bus service: "Sometimes two buses arrive at the same time. You'd probably choose the one that's more comfortable. And if you miss the bus you wanted to take, there'll always be another one on the way. Ah ... hah, but the later it gets, the less frequent the buses. But if you're wealthy, you can always opt to take the cab! Meaning, as you get older, it's gonna be harder to find someone suitable, but if you're rich, you can always count on getting the chicks!" explains Steven, a marketing manager, who adds, "My wife is going to kill me when she reads this!"
As for teenagers:
Courtney Sanderson, 13, says, "Yes, I do believe in fate. There’s no reason, it’s just something I believe in."
Mandy Frederick, also 13, said, "I think that there is only one person for everyone, because I think God put one special person on this Earth for each of us to find."
15-year old Stephen Barrow said, "Kinda. There may be soulmates for people, but not everyone finds theirs. Some people are miserable their whole lives. And how do you know the one you marry is really "the one." It’s not like there’s a little sign above their heads saying, "I’m the one for you!!!!"
As you can see, people have different opinions. But I noticed that, through my interviews, women are more likely to believe in fate then guys are. (Makes sense, considering their usually the ones who break OUR hearts, preferring to play the field.) I don’t know if women, as a whole, are more romantic than men or not. But it seems to me that men like to believe they have more control over their destiny than women do.
Addressing Mr. Barrow’s comment, "How do you know the one you marry is truly "the one?" Well, I asked some married couples how THEY knew. Here’s what one of them said:
Sarah Wesley: "There was no lightning or fireworks, but it felt so natural to slip into each other's company. I've asked my husband a zillion times, how sure is he that I'm the right one for him. There's no real answer but we both feel it's so natural to be together."
What’s love got to do with fate? Anything, or everything? The people I interviewed had a, um, conflicting of opinions, I guess you could say. You’ll see what I mean:
Francisco Vila, 14 years old: "Oh please, get real. What is love? A chemical reaction? It's more realistic to think you can choose who to love. In arranged Indian marriages, matchmakers check up the horoscope of the couple. But it doesn't mean that it's a perfect match nor that it's the only match for you. We're talking about six billion people in the world. Can you imagine the probability of getting the "right pair"?"
Joyce Francis, 21: "Let's play along with the fate theory. If there is only one soul mate for you, what happens if he marries someone else instead of you? He'd have taken someone else's soul mate. It'll be one big domino effect bordering on disaster, as everyone else won't be able to marry their soul mate!"
Is that true? Your soulmate marrying someone else? Sounds sad, don’t you think?
"But the truth is, some people do end up taking the wrong bus," says Sarah Wesley. "Maybe that explains why some people jump in and out of marriages, looking for the right one. It's not that uncommon for guys to have gone through a number of relationships before they settle down. Perhaps it's hormonally driven, lust or plain idealism. But you have to learn to adapt, and you can't change buses whenever you feel like it. When you're married, you should get out of the transportation system altogether! If you can answer this honestly, then it sums up both theories: can you love only one person for the rest of your life? It's a scary thought--you marry someone, have his kids, and then pow! he falls in love with someone else."
My personal belief is…well, I’m a strong believer in fate. I believe that, while there most definitely will be more than one significant other in the course of your life, and probably more than one you truly love, there is only one who is actually "The One."
I’ll be the one
(I’ll be the one)
Who will make all your sorrows undone
I’ll be the light
(I’ll be the light)
When you feel like there’s nowhere to run
I’ll be the one
To hold you
And make sure that you’ll be all right
I’ll be the one
I describe myself as a diehard romantic, and I’m a confirmed believer in the idea of destiny. I think that love has many roads down which you travel, and many people whom you meet. But in the end, it all ties together, and it all comes down to your soulmate. Love, fate, and the idea of a soulmate means a lot to me. I view it as a comfort. It’s like, no matter which road I travel down, no matter who I date (even if I date the worst guys), and make the biggest mistakes when it comes to relationships, I have someone waiting for me. A happy ending. And that’s a comforting thought, isn’t it? It’s something to look forward to, and to remember during the hard times.
It definitely helps to know you have a soulmate when you’re in a rough relationship. You know that you don’t have to stay with this person, that you’re not stuck with them forever. There’s someone who loves you more than life itself, waiting for you to find them. Someone who you can TRULY say "’till death do you part" to.
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