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Years ago I face the loss of a person who had become my dad late in my life and was always there fore me when my real father never cared. Ben was in my life for only eighteen years. Eighteen great years, he was not only my dad; he was my friend, confident, a man that I looked up to and learned from. He was some one that I wish I could be just a little like. Now looking back on the eighteen years of him not being here when I need him most. I feel the pain, the emptiness all over again. He died a horrific death from lymph node cancer.
Not too long ago maybe 4 months my daughter went to the ER and the doctor told us she had non Hodgkin’s lymphoma. For the first time in my life I sat there thinking to myself, that’s bad but what is it? I couldn’t think straight.
But it was the way he said it. He came over to the head of the bed and looked at us and said I have good news and bad. Your daughter does not have meningitis but she has Non Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He said it so matter a fact.
When we question him he started to back away a little and told us about others who lived a long life with it. My daughter has three kids ranging from 8 months to 4years. Naturally we wanted a second opinion, so a friend from another hospital got the records of the test and had another doctor look it over as matter of fact they had two doctors look it over and both said that the first doctor should have never told her that. The tests were not conclusive.
After have more test and seeing more doctors the final analyses was she had a very bad strep thought that was swollen enough to create her neck to look like part of her face. We dodged that bullet.
Now my uncle; a man who was there throughout my years of growing up was just told he has cancer of the pancreas, that is far advanced. My uncle who has many problems with his health that will hold him back from surgery. They gave him 6 months maybe a little more with treatment, but it doesn’t look good. He is another man in my life that stepped in when my biological father wasn’t there. Another man I could look up to and hope to be just a little like. I remember when I was younger and very sick; he was there, not my father. He would come to the hospital everyday to see me. Now he is sick and I feel that I can do nothing for him except be there and wait till he dies. Another father figure in my life will no longer exist. I am afraid to face his death. I’m afraid of how I will react when that time comes. It’s funny we never think about this until it becomes very obvious. Now I think about my mother who is around my uncles age,( a little older), who is in good medical shape for her age. I think about her longevity. I don’t want to loss her, I don’t want to think of it, but I know that I will have to face it some day.
We are all only here for a borrowed amount of time, G-D decides when we have to go. As hard as it is we must go on.
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