Please accept this writing as a sounding board which comes straight from my heart, expressed out loud , with no expectation for the reader to reply…………
I once thought that the secret to a happy life was to live your life without upsetting people if you could help it. If this is true, where does the consideration of my happiness fit in? What if after all this time I realize that it is not a sin to dwell on what makes me happy. I’m not selfish in this regard, but for once I would like to be taken seriously as a person who’s happiness should be considered. If a truly happy person is someone happy on the inside, why have I been so miserable for the past 20 years?
Maybe it comes from the idea of completeness and the fact that in some way we are supposed to track down and find at any cost our “SoulMate", the person we are destined to spend the rest of our lives with so that we can have children, feel content and grow old together. What happens if that hasn’t happened by the time I reach 40?
What is wrong with me? Am I a freak with no partner in life? I once thought that the special person I longed for would reappear in my life, as if by magic, to truly make me complete. The person I thought I couldn’t live without when I was 22, the one who I truly thought at some point would also realize that he needed me and our friendship would move to the next level. We would be caught up in a serious relationship, a truly adult experience, complete with the insecurities and baggage from our past.
Alas it never happened. He did return, but only to remain a friend. I need something more than friendship. I need love and the things I missed out on for so long. A husband, a lover, and a friend. Maybe these functions could now be filled by three individuals instead of the one. The husband may appear, the lover I desperately need and my friend is already here. My soulmate could now be “Mates with Soul". I will now spend the next forty years looking for the other two…..
» left by Pam from Vancouver, (3 years 53 days ago.)
A very well written and true to the heart memo. I turn 40 in the spring of next year and am feeling the same way, very anxious, and even a little depressed. My advice take on 40, do something you have never done, and travel places you haven't seen Respond to this comment
» left by Sally(39) (2 years 138 days ago.)
Thank you for your comment. I have taken these to heart and travelled to the East coast of Australia from the West. It was the best thing I have done in a long while. The secret being that instead of dwelling on the uncertainties, take the negative energy and vapourise it into a positive element of your life.........I am now ready for my next challenge Respond to this comment
» left by sunrisegirl from Canada (3 years 16 days ago.)
Sally I hear you - I've lived, loved and laughed. Feel really blessed, but now, I feel-I have yet to live the life I planned. I'm single but hopeful. I want to me a MOM badly. I'll be 40 in June. I'm at hotmail. Respond to this comment
» left by Avis Ward(11,479) Avis Ward (1 year 228 days ago.)
Sally, I'm interested in an update from you. I hope all's well and you are enjoying life to its fullest even if solo, with a friend and no love interest. Let us know how you're doing? Take care! Respond to this comment
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Article added to SearchWarp.com on Thursday, September 15, 2005 View other articles written by Sally(39)
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