It’s inevitable that questions about the birds and the bees will pop up. When my son asked what “doing the nasty" was, thanks to the kids on the bus, we had to visit this sweet mystery of life. Fighting the temptation to tell him it was a new dance craze, I realized it really is a dance.
Whether prompted by the dogs in the yard, monkeys coupling at the zoo or 90% of prime time TV shows, parents find it difficult to take the lead when children drop questions like “What is sex?" or “How does a baby get inside a mommy?"
These answers need a special delivery. I say it with flowers, following these steps when a budding curiosity grows into full bloom.
Flowers illustrate the basics. I keep an artificial Easter lily handy from age 6 on, but a real tulip or lily is required in the later stages. Get familiar with the stigma, tube and ovary full of seeds (female) and the stamen with pollen (male) by dissecting a few in private, as you need to appear experienced later on.
Love. Babies are the fruit of love between a man and a woman. We will make parallels between the flower, fruit and fertilization. If you stress that babies are the “fruit“ of love with a really bright child, this might turn a light bulb on without the need to draw pictures. The rest of us should have a pencil and paper ready.
Observation is the powerful tool you will use with your delicate flower. For questions limited to anatomy, go directly to your flower’s stamen with pollen and the stigma, tube and ovary and make the necessary correlations. Those going all the way to fertilization can proceed to the “Example," step noting the following caution:
Waiting. Sex education is a developmental process. Children assimilate new information in stages. Are they really ready for the whole story? Often nervous parents misinterpret a simple question and prematurely provide too much information. A child asking “What is sex?" might just want to know that it means boy/girl or male/female.
Example. Open up the ovary and expose the seeds inside. Slice the pollen tube to show the pollen’s path to the seeds. Explain that once fertilized with pollen, the seeds inside grow into fruit. No fertilization, no fruit, and it takes two to tango.
You can let this information settle or show drawings of the corresponding human body parts. Check to see how your little scientist is doing before going to term.
This next step, the dance of the bees, is hard labor. If kids thought their parents’ body parts were as beautiful as the lilies of the field, it would be easier. Things as they are, explain that pollen rubs off onto the bees who carry it to other flowers. The pollen gets on the stigma, goes down the tube, fertilizes seeds, and they grow into fruit.
Fathers shouldn’t hum anything at this point. Hopefully, your child will begin to put two and two together. If not, you need to be more direct. Take short deep breaths, then translate the flower parts to body parts and get it over with. Have a couple of aspirin for your headache. A sure sign of comprehension follows.
Revulsion. It’s only natural. Many children jump to the conclusion that parents tiptoe around the tulips only as many times as the number of children that they have. This misconception will pass after the next bus ride or slumber party.
Caution kids to keep this to themselves so other parents can share it in a special way with their own children. It’s only fair that they should have to dance too.
I no longer fear explaining about the birds and bees. Wondering where the birds come in? If things get too uncomfortable, you can resort to the stork story. Chicken.
Mary Fagan has an M.S. in Education and is the mother of three children. She also has the grey hairs to prove it. When not watching them closely, Ms. Fagan offers humorous insights on parenting and motherhood at www.motherwise.us.
» left by Kay Elizabeth(1,711) Kay Elizabeth (1 year 251 days ago.)
Mary, that was a wonderful read! Where were you when my son was asking this kind of stuff?
(Wish I'd thought of the stork, I'd have happily chickened out, ha!) . Thanks for sharing that, I enjoyed it a lot! :) Respond to this comment
» left by Mary Fagan(595) Mary Fagan (1 year 250 days ago.)
Kay, I am sure you did a wonderful job with your son! While this technique was helpful, I sure am glad I've taught my last introduction to reproduction lesson. Thank you for the comments. Respond to this comment
Your writing is a riot! That's a compliment. You explain parental concepts in such a lighthearted manner. I never tried the flower thing. I wonder how my kids would have taken to it. Well, they are married and have babies of their own so they must have learned something! Nice work. Respond to this comment
» left by Mary Fagan(595) Mary Fagan (1 year 250 days ago.)
Thank you - and I took it as a compliment! I learned the flower thing in elementary school from Sister Imelda (No relation to Ms. Marcos). She had us cutting up, touching pistols and pollen, removing eggs - it was fascinating until we realized where she was headed and, suddenly things got real quiet. I never forgot it. But I didn't make it to the convent and had three children. I figured the least I could do was pass on her wonderful lesson about reproduction. God Bless! Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (1 year 163 days ago.)
Mary, you're a riot! Thank God you still have your sense of humor. I wish I had nurtured mine (humor, not kids) when my kids were young. I could've been a more relaxed mother. I love your writing and look forward to more from you. Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(0) April Lorier (1 year 163 days ago.)
Oh boy. I forgot to click my name! I'll get the hang of this comment thing sooner or later. It's April Lorier, Mary, not "Anonymous". Respond to this comment
» left by Mary Fagan(595) Mary Fagan (1 year 162 days ago.)
Not to worry, April. Not only did I do that before - I didn't understand that you had to log in and kept adding my name and wondered why it wasn't the same color as everyone else's! You should be proud at how fast you corrected yourself! Thanks for the comments, Anonymous and April. Respond to this comment
Was this article helpful to you? Leave a Public Comment or
Question:
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
