Disciplining an Autistic Child - How to Overcome the Difficulty?

An autistic child may throw tantrum or behave aggressively when he is disappointed or frustrated as other children do. But he is not doing it intentionally, because as an autistic child, he is unable to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings. He doesn't know that other people hurt when he hit them. He may learn this as he gets older, but it may take sometimes. So how do parents of autistic children tell them to not hit other people? How can them handle their misbehavior? Here are a few short but helpful pointers to help parent in disciplining an autistic child.

Discipline is about teaching your child good and appropriate behavior. Discipline is about helping them to become an independent and responsible people. Regardless, your child is special need or not, you still need to discipline him with the consideration of his special needs. In particular, you need to keep in mind of his unusual perception of pain. Therefore, hitting him or any physical punishment is big no-no. The hitting will not teach that his behavior is unacceptable. In contrast, it may encourage them that hitting others is an acceptable behavior. It may even encourage self injurious behavior. In fact many experts strongly agree to not use physical punishment on autistic children and advise parents to find alternative methods of discipline method.

The best method is through positive discipline, where you focus on his acceptable behavior and provide rewards so that your child would be encouraged to repeat the behavior. To do that, first you need to establish ground rules. The ground rules must states specifically of what is consider as an acceptable behavior and what is not. You must catch and reward him when he is well-behaved and following the rules. A reward need not necessarily be a physical or expensive reward. It can be a genuine praise or word of encouragement. Most importantly, the reward must be clear and specific. The child should be able to know exactly the behavior that earned the reward. Instead of saying "Good job," say "Thank you for cleaning up your room."

Most autistic children are not able to generalize information. They are usually not able to apply what they learn in one learning context to another learning context. For example, he may learn that hitting his friend at school is not acceptable, but he may not necessarily understand that he cannot hit his sister at home. That is, once the situation change, it will be a totally a new learning experience for him. Be consistent and provide many repetitions in disciplining them. If there is punishment, make sure that the punishment is always the same for the bad behavior. Consistent environment and many repetitions will help your autistic child to learn and remember the differences between right and wrong.

The key to discipline in children with autism is in teaching them what is appropriate and acceptable. Parents must provide a consistent environment and many repetition so that the autistic children can learn better. As their understanding improve, you may take some time to review the ground rules together with your child. It will help not only raising your child's awareness over his behavior but also will boost his self-esteem.

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Comments on this article:

» left by Caz from MadHouse (1 year 301 days ago.)
having been awoken at 4.00am by my son smacking me hitting, punching me I wonder if he "experts" who say all this have ever faced this? I am hit constantly throughout the day he hits when he is happy, when he sad, when he is upset, when he is excited when he is bored. Can one of these so called experts come and stand between me and my son whilst he hits me. Then see how they cope?
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» left by Stacey King from Placentia,Ca (1 year 69 days ago.)

I can relate 100% to what you are talking about. My son is two in a half and I am experiencing the same thing almost every night. Talk about a difficult situation... When my son acts out like this all I can basically do is tell him no hitting and to have nice hands and feet. (inreality I would rather smack his bottom but I know that would only make it worst). At night when he wakes up screaming and hitting I try either singing to him or playing soft quiet music. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.

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» left by Anonymous (87 days 5 hours ago.)

I understand completely where you are coming from, I too have an autistic child and he hits me as well, the same way, when he is happy, sad, upset,bored etc. I use time out with him at all times, even though he may not get the concept fully yet, but eventually he will, I just put him in time out all the time, and he even asks for time out after he hits too, so he is getting the concept slowly but surely.

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» left by amanda h from virginia (62 days 5 hours ago.)

hey my name is amanda and I work with children with autism. I read your story and know where you are coming from. the particular child i work with hits for every emotion too.  have you tried making pictures for him to point at, when he hits you if you can have his picture book ready of things he usually needs or likes to play with, listen to, feel (cloth, textures), smell, or look at. children with autism have a very violent way of showing us that they need or want something, he may hit you when all he really wants is a hug or a piece of candy, a drink of water (they get dry mouth a lot, which can be very frustrating to them).  the best thing i've tried is the picture book (velcro pictures to laminated paper). if he's still aggressive try it and see if it works.  another thing that works with my student is deep compressions of his hands, elbows, knees, and shoulders, and sometimes feet. sometimes when i give him deep pressure i have him lay on his belly in between two bean bags and lay over the bean bags so he can all of that pressure at once.  also with that you can get a baby's hair brush and use it to brush his arms and legs/back hands, feet, they really like that. they need to de-sensitize (get use to all senses working at once, simutaneously), he needs to get use to using his smelling, touching, hearing, and seeing all together. It takes loads of time to work with a child with autism, but after his behaviors are better and you have your "son back" its all worth the hard work. hope i was helpful and good luck. 

 

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» left by Denise from Winter Haven, FL (176 days 15 hours ago.)

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You are your child's own advocate.  I fought tooth and nail for my son's diagnosis at 2 1/2.  He initially was diagnosed w/ PDD then at 5 he was diagnosed w/ autism.  I worked w/ my son full time.  I am careful about his outside influences.  Yelling at an autistic child does not work because all he learns from it is to yell back.  My son had all of the typical symptoms of autism but the number one important lesson is to never let them use it as a crutch.  I treat Daniel the same as my other two boys.  He had all of the typical ticks but I worked with him through therapy and it worked.  He now gives eye contact he doesn't ever scream or yell, he listens when I tell him to do something and he is absolutely wonderful.  I use alot of repetition.  In order to discipline him I don't spank or yell at him I take away what he loves most (at the moment).  For example for 2 years he was really into Indiana Jones (and I mean really into it).  If he misbehaved I took away all of his Indiana Jones stuff and it worked.  I sent an Indiana Jones doll to school.  Every day at the end of the day he got to play with it.  On the days he did not want to do his work he didn't get to play with it.  It worked!!!  Next I would buy him an Indiana Jones surprise.  I told him if he brought a happy face home from school every day he would get the surprise.   All he knew was that it had something to do w/ Indy.  Sure enough he had one straight week of happy faces.  Repetition trully works.  We try  to keep everything routine.  He's not perfect but everyone who gets around Daniel more than a minute can't believe he has autism.  He loves hugs and kisses, he makes a's and b's in school, he listens and doesn't throw temper tantrums, all because of using lots of patience and repetition.  He is almost 10 now and life is wonderful.  Feel free to ask me any questions and I will try answer it to my best ability.  I'm not an doctor and I am not an expert but I am willing to share my experiences.
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» left by Heidi from Southern MN (157 days 2 hours ago.)

Jasman,

 

I am wondering if a lot of this must certainly relate to their LEVEL on the spectrum.

 

Last year we finalized an adoption of a now almost 13 year old boy diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and mental retardation.  He can say phrases, and is becoming pretty adept at including them at the proper times sometimes spontaneously, but for the most part he is considered non-verbal.  He babbles throughout the day, saying actual statements, but left on his own, his comments and phrases don't really mean anything to any of us.  He has an awesome imagination, although we don't understand what he is doing, but he builds little creations or little cities from sticks, bricks, old concrete, etc. 

 

Things worsened just after this past holiday season, because prior to that, his attitude was mostly compliant.  I attribute this to puberty onset, as I bathe him and see things are definitely changing (not to be gross!).  He had been on Adderall 5 mg, which I figured I could wean him off.  However, without 2 days of meds, he had changed dramatically, and we went back on the meds.  However, by March of this year, things had gotten quite difficult.  The MD suggested upping the adderall to 10 mg, and we really thought our son was back. 

 

Until recently.  He now no longer will accept any word or phrase with a negative connotation:  don't, no, not now, maybe later.  I try to be pretty relaxed, but there are only so many ways you can tell him you want him not to do something.  Redirection has worked in the past, but we still end up not being able to get it through to him he cannot do something.  For example, he loves to climb trees--to a fault.  Normally, he has free reign of our yard (we have 6 kids, so he is never completely FREE).  But recently, while climbing a tree I found him to be probably 15-18 feet up.  His choice in trees isn't limited to one (which we could possibly work out an arrangement for), and he has been breaking limbs off trees.  I made him get down from the said tree, and decided he cannot be climbing trees because he could quite possibly fall.  He became hostile, yelling, crying, etc.  Rarely will he hurt anyone except one of our children he was first closest to when joining our family.  That child is 10, and I think he has realized that the 10 year old is higher functioning.  He loves church, but if he sits next to this child, he once had a tantrum (it was a different church--burn me at the stake!) and so he began his most physical attack ever on this child.  If he is being scolded, he will hurt himself if we force him to sit down (even if we stay with him).  He now yells phrases at us (he grew up in a basement of a home watching Disney shows--and of course, he knows the most impolite phrases best).  If I tell him to just stop talking now, he gets only madder.  Or he will try to get the last word. I find that all I want is him to just STOP and things will diffuse. 

 

Rewards will sometimes work, like if he finishes his math (we home school him).  But if it is a day he is bent on not doing math, there is very little we can reward him with.  If I told him we were going somewhere, he may hasten his speed, but usually just writing down any answer, or the same answer to all the very basic math we give him. 

 

Also, he used to be very easy to take places, because he loves to go places.  Now, though, he is all excited to go, but if told to be quieter if we are in the middle of something that he used to sit quiety through, it might as well be time to walk out the door--regardless if our other children are done or not.  He gets mad, cries, demands, "GET ME OUT OF HERE" or "TAKE ME HOME!" (even if he doesn't want to go home, just has been able to realize that is a term that gets him out of the location).  If we don't comply, he gets worse and worse, and is by then drawing the attention of EVERYBODY there.  I resist keeping him home all the time, but for example, we are going to an animal "safari" tomorrow.  He could EASILY sit for 1 1/2 hours for movies or things he loves, but if he gets bored, 2 minutes will put him over the edge.  Since it is hard to get sitters for him, our oldest children will sometimes babysit, but I hate to exclude them from the "safari" tomorrow.  Sigh.

 

This article sounded lovely...but it didn't seem like it would work for every situation.  It is one of those feel-good ways to somehow make you NOT feel good, but instead feel you are a poor parent, or your child is a freak! 

 

I liked your happy ending, but I don't know how I could get to that point.  He has times he gets fixated on things (like the old Disney that he grew up watching prior to being adopted), but of late it is very hard to find something he really likes.  His most favorite thing is picking up a piece of paper, napkin, etc., and drawing something.  I was keeping notepads and pens with me, but if he is in a tantrum, he will no longer accept that. 

 

Before we adopted him, after leaving his birth home, he lived in an institution.  He was treated like a baby so much, that he still reverts to cooing or giggling to get something he wants.  We either ignore that, or tell him to "use your words".  He might then say, "Milk" or whatever it is he wants.  Or not.  Depends on his mood, I guess.  He used to have somebody go to the bathroom with him, walk down the hallways with him, sit with him while he played computer or watched movies, played outside, etc.  When he came to us, we began letting him be himself.  Everybody marvels that he has changed immensely (they say for the good), but the independence seems to have come at a cost to us--he doesn't want anybody to be able to tell him what to do.

 

I have raised teenagers, and I realize they go through changes in attitude.  However, I haven't had children this angry (when he doesn't get his way).  Normally, left to do whatever he wants in his play time, he is fun and happy.  But yesterday it just happened to be one thing after another the entire day that was getting him into times he was either told no or not given all the choices he wanted!

 

Heidi

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» left by LJ from Canada (153 days 16 hours ago.)

I am the mother to an 11 year old boy with mild to moderate autism. We recently moved across the country and had him put from a segregated class into a regular class integrated with kids his age. Socially, he is doing much better but the hitting is worse, he tried to call the police when his father put him in his room for leaving the house when he wasn' t suppose to. Then the puberty started to set in and the constant touching himself, the obsession with girls and inappropriate behaviours at school. I, myself am an educational assistant- but am grasping at straws. We keep trying and trying different techniques. He has learned how to say sorry- but that doesnt stop him from trying to climb out his window when he doesnt get what he wants. This is the hardest job-you are isolated, make excuses, lose friends, relationships are tense. My husband doesnt understand and frankly I dont think our marriage is going to last-I wish I could "FIX" my son but frankly dont have the tools. LJ

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» left by Anonymous (128 days 1 hour ago.)

To LJ from Canada: I have a five year old that I have been dealing with closely since he was 11 months old. Everything was fine until he began walking and getting into things. Looking back his behavior problems began as soon as I began to correct any tendency that I saw to be destructive and disrespectful. I noticed him to be very persistent and rebellious in that he has never responded well to authority over him by anyone. Rebellious and mischievous would be a good description; impish. I also have a 2 year old that has never had these problems but has copied some of the same behavior. The strain has been immense on my marriage as we always seem to argue over this one child. All attention gravitates back to him and I attribute that to the fact that he wsa given above average attention to everything he did by everyone in and around our extended family at different times. Our other child has been with us primarily and not staying over at grandmas' or aunties' houses so much as the first one. At about 2-2.5 years of age I observed him to becoming obsessed with any male to female interaction such as daytime soaps and dating shows so I discontinued those shows around him after he began to act out by grabbing and touching others inappropriately so that it became embarrassing. Around that time is when his obsession with that idea led into an increasingly tense competition for an object of desire in which to act on romantically as he had seen on tv and in public between males and females. Our marriage became deteriorated as our family became more like friends competing for dates and mates and we lost that close mom, dad and son relationship. One thing very prominant that I have noticed is our son has NO self control and no respect for anyone or anything despite my very best efforts to educate him, even when he was first able to communicate and I would use gestures, sign language, pictures and examples in any way that I could relate to him. He has seen several doctors and tried Adderall and Ritalin for his out of control tantrums and destructive behavior that kept us housebound for so long and unable to venture out in public. We have tried everything and I mean redirection, reasoning, reward, taking things away, spanking, medicine, naughty chair, lecturing etc. He appears to be extremely self centered, selfish, narcissistic and appears to enjoy attention that he gets from getting into trouble than for doing well at something; negative attention. I am thinking that is because he is so familiar with it. He is only happy when he gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants it and immediately gets angry when he is denied. He has always been very hyper and unable to control himself [lack of self control] long enough to sit down and learn anything therefore he formed his contempt for anything that he does not understand. He flows to the path of least resistence and is only interested in having his form of fun. A toy that would last a normal child a week will last a day for him unless he finds a way to break it into pieces. He will carry toys around and obsess over particular ones. We went through some very bad times where he would play with feces and paint the walls and floors with it. He went through a phase where he would use all of his clothing for toilet paper. He is a peeler and picker and will look for a good point at which to start peeling up the paint or tearing something apart even if he has to scratch at it little by little day by day until it is ruined. He went through the phase where he would hurt himself by scratching and biting if he was told to behave in public. He definitely caught on to the fact that in public was easier to get away with his worst behavior than at home and took full advantage of it especially in a society that is convinced that spanking is taboo. He has a gameboy that he really likes because it is something that he can always fiddle with. I can't say that it actually helps the behavior problem but it gives us a break and a bartering tool. It seems to go hand in hand with his problem. I do take it away when I notice unnusual behavior coming from that direction. He definitely has difficulty paying attention long enough to learn anything. I have spent incalculable hours attempting to teach him the tools he will need for school. He attended a pre-K and it really seemed to help him calm down. I think he will always require a very busy life good or bad to keep him occupied happy or sad. He is a very frustrated little boy. He has become extremely adept at manipulating people, especially those that he has just met. Someone new is his favorite thing. He puts on an award winning show and his best appearance as an innocent and adorable child and they just would never have believed that he could be anything else. That lasts until he becomes bored with them just like the toys. Then he will yell and hit and tantrum. He is very good at interrupting conversations and will even ask questions you know he knows or even hurt himself to get attention. I am very concerned about the younger child being influenced by him and I cannot leave them alone for any length of time. He has been masturbating for some time but he began acting out on his younger sister just as soon as she could walk and he will lure her off to sight unseen and it's always just an innocent thing that he was doing but what remains is that he was either touching her innappropriately or coaxing her into it. Now I have two children that I have to watch and punish for being too adult. He has touched and molested everything from his stuffed animals, barbie dolls, adult females, mom, dad, grandma and probably the dog if I was stupid enough to subject some poor animal to him. Can you imagine what my life is like? It often comes to a stand still, the watcher and the watched where I feel guilty for having to work on projects that require me to be distracted or outside working with power tools where the children would be an unsafe distraction. My only salvation is that he is starting Kindergarten for most of the day and I can have a normal schedule with my youngest whom is an absolute savior most of the time. That sounds like preferential treatment but she has the same rules that he does and everything is kept fair but her behavior remains better and better means being rewarded or simply not being punished. The odd thing is, he knows his abc's but didn't care about learning all of them until shesurprised him by knowing them. She learned to count numbers to a higher degree first and he did not surpass her until he realized that she was passing him. He is like that with everything, seemingly very lazy and complains about being tired when he is asked to do a mundane chore yet he can run and play and tear things up and still have the energy to cause all kinds of trouble throughout the day and does not go to bed until his door is shut and there is no possible way for him to do anything else. He will make every excuse in the world and lie with no shame pathologically. He acts like the world owes him everything and he should get it now without having to earn it even if he has misbehaved. On top of that I can't tell you how hard it has been to convince the other parent that there was any problem to begin with and fought over laying down rules and establishing punishments and rewards in order to form a plan for dealing with this situation. We have come very close to divorce many times and before we actually came to an understanding we had quite a few fights. Our originally pure and wonderful love for each other that brought us together has suffered greatly and twisted and deformed. This one person in our family has so affected us. We got bold and tried playdates for a while until somehow the boys found it more interesting to get out of control and just purely raise as much embarrassment as possible. I suffer with anxiety and depression and on medication so needless to say I did not persist with the playdates. It seems to be either his way or no way at all and it just seems he will stop at nothing in his selfishness. Everytime I try to let up on being stern he goes right back to his old ways. I have no answers and quite frankly feel trapped and suffocated and victimized. I just wish that we could start being a family and able to be what we are, mother, father, son, daughter. I am a father that stays home because of a disability. I love my family very much. I wanted a happy marriage and children with this woman more than anything else. I got up from 8 to 3 times every night for 8 months after my daughter was born, some due to her being ill when she was born. It is terrible that she has to suffer with this and wonder what it is all about. I was not able to start being a father to my son until he was almost a year old. Not my choice. I am trying to raise my son to be the kind of man that can respect himself and others and all of life. Not one that is emotionally handicapped in the areas of sensitivity like so many callous men that I have met that lay waste to beauty without ever knowing it was there. One that can just let his father be his father, his mother be his mother and his sister just his sister and not objects and servers. My wife and I are really trying now that we have finally found respect for each other and realizing that our lives have come very close to unravelling. We are on the same page with what the rules should be and what the punishment should be and that we have to be fair to everyone, sacrificing noone. Many of you are probably asking yourselves, "why me?" Many of you have found the limitations of the doctors as I have on many different levels. Many of you probably have a burning sensation in your stomach caused by agravation and stress. Many of you probably feel at your wits end and have been forced into a ridiculous power struggle with your child because your child is bored and you just happen to be the most interesting and accessible opponent available. Have you done everything so now you do nothing? Do you struggle to find something good in all the bad? The only hope I have is that he does like school and the attention he gets there. I made a break through the other day by teaching him to count to one hundred and amazed him at how easy it was if only he would just pay attention long enough to learn it. Even after pre-school he can just barely write his name legibly. He does not seem to remember rules for very long or what he learned from past mistakes. I am prepared that he will be diagnosed with something in the near future other than ADHD having failed that treatment. Your marriage has to be strong with a clear understanding and undeniable love even if it were to fail. One person abandoned to fight the battle alone will most likely fail that marriage. I often felt like there simply was no room for me and that I had been replaced. I feel that many marriages end there before clear boundaries can be established and identities be enforced as mom and dad, mom and son, mom and daughter. Parents have to be adults, not one of the kids. There has to be a difference. There is plenty of time to be their friend later in life after they can be trusted to respect you as a person.

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» left by LCClark (61 days 4 hours ago.)

My son, now seventeen, was diagnosed when he was twelve. Very high functioning. We've never known what to do. We've tried counseling, flew across the county to see a physician in Texas to avoid synthetic medication. He's 6'2 and 300 lbs. I cannot "make" him do anything. He is a wonderful young man "most of the time". But when he "erupts", it can be bad. Last night he and his Dad (we are divorced now) argued and my son banged his head against the wall and blamed it on his Dad. His Dad is a good man, but as most Dad's are, they demand respect and don't handle defiance very well. He had to remove himself from the situation altogether and I had to pick my son up. Anyway, yelling, spanking, being loud and arguementative does not work. I've lived this for 17 years. I've met with "scores" of teachers, advisors, school counselors that don't know how to handle it either. I was told throughout the years that my son was "just a bad kid". They never see the wonderful and super intelligent person that I see. They don't know how to handle them, and have not been trained to deal with this, so therefore the children are a nuisance to them. I have felt like the most horrible parent in existance, because I can't "fix" it. Anyway, my observations as a parent of a diagnosed autistic child over the last seventeen years have been, you can't push and force your own will. If it takes reading every book you can get your hands own, taking classes on how to deal with this, andthing that will help get through it. My fears for my child, like most parents never end, they are with me every single second of every single day. I question my sanity more times than not. lol If I did not have the support of my family and faith, I would not be here. I don't have the answers, NO one does, but may God bless all of you and your babies! (Yes, they will always be "your" babies...no matter how old they get)!

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» left by Cassy Yates from Tampa Bay, FL (49 days 3 hours ago.)

I am the mom of a 4 year old boy diagnosed with PDD-NOS, we need to have further testing done for Autism, but don't have the money, for they don't take insurance here. I also have a 6 year old with severe ADHD, possible Aspergers. Again, I don't know what to do here in Florida. We no longer have insurance, so I'm trying to get everything done through the school system and I'm applying for SSI for my boys, to help fund meds (if needed, I don't like them), therapies and evaluations. As far as the tantrums with my 4 yr old, they can be horrific at times, he's not as violent as some, but they can cause me to want to have a nervous breakdown, especially since they are daily. If he doesn't get his way, he will throw himself into windows, doors, walls or the floor. He will also push, hit or kick anyone who comes near him, especially his brothers. He's started to throw things, threaten to hit me or break my things. I've been taking down suggestions as I read each post at to what I think would be positive and helpful. My husband believes spanking gives respect and adjusts attitudes. They easily listen to there dad more (he calls me a pushover, I just don't like physical punishment) but he's also 6'2, 320lbs, where as I'm much much smaller! I do get very angry at there father when he physically punishes them. There father also talks down to me in front of them, changes my decisions after I've made my rewards or disciplines clear to them. So I think I would honestly get more respect if my husband would back me up at times. I get told "daddy's gonna spank you or daddy's gonna be mad at you." And it's true for the mad part, if the children do something wrong, usually destructive, it's my fault because he thinks I "allow the to do it." But I plan on trying the methods I gathered from here. And if they make a difference in both my PDD child and ADHD child, then maybe I could sway their father from spanking. Cuz I do have my moments when I become so frustrated I will scream (not yell) at them, and nobody wants to here me scream, I sound evil! Thanks for some input, I hope everyone will find a solution that works best for there children and themselves! God bless!

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» left by Jessica from Mobile, AL. (43 days 12 hours ago.)

You should try to get in touch with Florida's Early Intervention program to get some help with an appropriate diagnosis.  They should be able to hook you up with a neurologist. 
I would love advice from anyone who knows anything about this next thing I am about to ask.  What does a person do when a special needs daycare writes up your autistic child for hitting another child in an after school care situation?  Are there any laws protecting them?  I picked my boy (he is nine) up from his after school care and was told by the lady who runs it that she is writing him up for hitting a girl who is in a wheelchair.  The program is run through the City of Parks and Recreation at the special school that my child attends.  He has hit before but, does not hit all of the time.  I have to have a job and have no relatives or friends to help me out.  Even with my husband working, I have to work and I sometimes fear that we could go homeless if I don't work.  I found out that an  aide who usually works one on one at the after school program did not come in until later.  I think he got upset with this and at the time, another aide was feeding the girl in the wheelchair.  I don't want them to kick my boy out.  Any advice out there?

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» left by michelle diaz from orlando,fl (40 days 2 hours ago.)

dennise from winter heaven i was just wondering if tour son is practicing the gfcf diet? your story sound so much like mine,my name is michelle diaz from orlando and  i would love to know and share experiences feel free to email me anytime...thanks and keep up the good work...i put my email on my information down if you see it please e mail me...

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» left by nichole (39 days 1 hour ago.)

I have a child who was diagnosed with autism 2 years ago through the school. I got more help from the school who diagnosed him then the other 2 schools that he was placed in. I have tried every form of discipline out there..The only thing that has helped was to have him talk it out as much as he could..I even drawed pictures of emotions.  Keeping the same routine everyday, if a change had to come to are routine I would prepare him for days about or hours before, What kind of behavior that  would like to see..That is what has helped.. Any body with an autistic child knows that Wants they go thats it..There is no distracting them..Like I could do with his twin brother...Now my issue is with his school.  I have prepared him to switch schools (during the summer)..First 2 weeks were great no melt downs to the extreme. But now they mainstreamed him for reading . He doesn't want to go. Weeks of everyday battles.. Are really starting to wear me down..I have been holding him down so he will stop hitting me and himself or even breaking glass doors. Which he did last week.  I have tried to talk to the teacher.  But he is very good in school.  The teacher tells me theres no problems..I'm getting very upset..So the big question is Does autistic child behave at school and then come home and terrify you?   what can I do about his reading in a regular class.?  He really needs help on social skills..I don't see the school helping with that..Is it putting him in reg. recess..Isn't there a program out there that will help him socially??I'm so LOST and confused????Were do I go from here??

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» left by Dan from New England (22 days 1 hour ago.)

Experts also don't use the phrase "autistic children." (Would you like your sick child known as 'cancerous?') Makes it sound contagious. (Sorry...pet peeve of mine.)

 

Any suggestions on consistent discipline, when you have two children with autism, a neuro-typical child who gets ignored, and precious little help?

 

By the way, to Nichole...in our experience, our kids are much better at school than at home. Schools can provide consistency and reinforcement that you and I don't have at home. Schools also have them a fraction of the day (for our kids, the best hours of the day); they come home to distracted interaction (not one-on-one) with parents and sibling issues (in our case) and from a neat and organized atmosphere to the chaos that is our life. (We don't get an hour between 3:00PM and going home to clean up and go to a calm house.)

 

Things to do:

 

1) keep them safe...as best as you can, physically and emotionally

 

2) continue to communicate changes...sounds like your doing that already. Keep it up!

 

3) eliminate as much clutter as possible (we're failing bad on this one, but it helps so much)

 

4) find a safe time-out spot. that's been hard for us, too.

 

5) big one...take care of yourself. get whatever help you can to get out, and "breathe" again. you need it

 

6) pray every waking moment! for your kids, for strength, for peace, for wisdom. don't stop!

 

7) talk up the positives in front of your kids. if you had an okay day, talk about the great day you had.

 

8) avoid talking about the negatives; if you got to vent (around the kids), work up some sort of code with your friends, so you can "communicate" without unduly influencing your children (we joke about something not being our "heart's desire")

 

Good luck...God Bless!

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» left by Candis from DC (7 days 7 hours ago.)

It is very helpful to hear all these comments. My son turned 6 and although we are hearing good feedback from his school with regards to work and participation and even socializing, at home he is different. He is more vocal, which we are grateful for, but too vocal in that he talks back, does a lot of threatening and kicks. Clearly you can tell he doesn't get it on some level, but sometimes he does it trying hard not to laugh which makes me wonder whether he is testing the limits. Timeout does not work very well, talking does not, I am still trying to find a way to be consistent and get over this. I am glad it is not happening at school. But after a long day at work, getting talked back to, yelled at and kicked just isn't something I want to come home to.

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» left by An. Nonymous from Ohio (2 hours 15 minutes ago.)

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Caz I know it's frustrating but we can't blame professionals who work with children with autism for not having a magic wand to make our children stop doing this or start doing that. (Believe me i wish a wand existed) It's like being a detective, we have to keep trying until we find what works. But i do understand that it is overhwelming, I do.

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