Although I personally have never given birth to a baby, I have “heard" that it is not an easy task. At least that’s what my wife tells me, and I don’t question her assessment for a moment! It is a profoundly difficult event for a mother.
After the baby is born, how does a mother navigate the equally difficult task of parenting her new child? Even for those of us who have studied child development, or the art of parenting, what plan of action is necessary to make sure that a child is nurtured and cared for without undue anxiousness and stress on the part of the mother?
Often, a mother who is anxious about parenting may be over-protective. A mother who lacks confidence may display tentativeness with her baby. A mother may withhold the baby from other children, adults, and social situations outside of the home. Withholding the child from other potential caretakers, such as relatives, day-care programs, and friends may also pose a problem. Often, a mother may over-react to a baby’s symptoms or illnesses through repeated visits to the doctor’s office. Another potential problem may be protecting the baby from exploring his environment and developing natural curiosity. The jitters may show when a mother is excessively reactive to her child if the baby cries or sustains a minor injury. An anxious mother may be afraid to establish logical consequences for a toddler when she misbehaves. Being overly-emotionally attached to the baby or displaying the opposite pattern of detachment can create problems. There are also those mothers who avoid delegating responsibilities to significant others. There may be jitters about the perception “that others can’t manage my child as well as I can."
Most of these problems can be alleviated if you seek appropriate support. For example:
How much emotional and practical support do you receive from your partner? Telling your partner (if you have one) what you need and want from him in terms of caretaking is important.
Are you giving yourself time for your own personal needs, interests and desires apart from your baby? Carving out time for yourself is important to maintaining a strong sense of self and rejuvenating your emotional battery.
Do you lean on parents, friends or neighbors to assist you in the parenting of your child?
Do you have a quality pediatrician who will answer your questions and return your calls without making you feel neurotic? The choice of doctors is important in making you and your baby feel secure.
Often, a parent may promote a pattern of triangulation when a baby becomes the buffer for a couple’s relationship that is strained. This unnecessary stress may cause a mother to cling dependently to her child in order to get her needs met. This pattern of enmeshment is unhealthy for the entire family. I recommend couples counseling in order to promote relationship harmony and unlock partners from this damaging interactional pattern.
The concept that “it takes a village to raise a child" is not far from the truth. Young children need the support of the entire family community. If the family is broken due to strained relationships, fix it for the well-being of your baby. You and your child will need parenting skills, nurturing, coaching, encouragement, and a host of mentors along the path to promote your child’s development. There is no need to have the parental jitters if you can utilize all the resources of the village.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S. LPC is an author, freelance writer, and a nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale , Arizona . His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com . James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com .
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He received his post-graduate counseling training at Northern Illinois University. James has taught Master's level classes in counselor education through Chapman University of California. He specializes in working with patients who have depressive, anxiety, pain management and autistic spectrum disorders. James has written numerous articles on a variety of counseling-related topics, all available via Google searches. His first book, Stepping Out of the Bubble, is available at www.booklocker.com. James is in the process of having his second work published which is entitled, It Never Was About You: Saying Goodbye to theMagical Illusions of Childhood. He can be reached through his new, contemporary website at www.krehbielcounseling.com.
» left by Avis Ward(12,889) Avis Ward (2 years 160 days ago.)
James, an excellent article. The last paragraph was a homerun! I believe so very much with the 'tribal' way of raising children. Even in a rural setting, the community was permitted to discipline my siblings and me. All available resources were at our disposal. Even older cousins were given parental rights. It helped and none of us became outlaws. (I'll refrain from any in-law digs.) Have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for an excellent article. I'd like your permission to use it sometime. (All credits given.) Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,145) James P Krehbiel (2 years 158 days ago.)
Avis,
Thank you for your kind comments regarding my article. Yes, parents need all the help they can get! Look how well you turned out! Happy Mother's Day and yes, you certainly can use this article for your purposes. Thanks again. Respond to this comment
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