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Some Christian wives tell me they have a difficult time
submitting to their husband because he is behaving inappropriately, either
through controlling behavior or demanding submission, or other ungodly
activities. If this is the case, I must
admit that it would be difficult to submit to this kind of authority. After
all, many of these women go on to tell me they thought they married a man of
God, not a Hitler.
Fortunately, God knew that this would happen from time to time,
and so He left us with appropriate instructions on how to handle this kind of
marital difficulty. First of all before we get into what appropriate action to
take, wives should identify the consistency of this kind of behavior, and then
try and figure out what she can do to rectify the situation from
happening.
Does your husband behave controlling only some of the time,
all of the time, or only once in awhile? The reason she needs to identify the
consistency of his behavior is simple, really. If a man consistently demands
that his wife submit to him, than he has his own spiritual issues that need
attended to before he can actually think that his wife should submit to his
tyrant behavior. Issues within ourselves
are what keep us from loving one another in the proper ways.
If he behaves controlling only some of the time, then maybe he is truly trying to do the will of God. And in that case a wife should try and be supportive to her husband, and maybe even look at herself to see if she may be doing something that would cause him to feel out of control in his position as head of the home. Or he may be going through an
emotionally stressful time in his life, and only needs to feel reassured about
something. These kinds of issues in marriage need talked out in proper
communication. It takes two to tango, meaning both husband and wife should be willing to look at the reasons why a husband would be acting demanding to his wife. If a husband only gets controlling and demanding once in awhile,
then I would tend to believe there is probably good reason for his spiritual protection over his wife.
One problem I see is that many Christian women hang around
with other single and unbelieving women at work, and they tend to adapt to each
other’s philosophy and beliefs, even trying to conform to worldly standards and
remain a Christian. For instance, a Christian woman may hear how much fun it is
to go out dancing in bars from her unbelieving friends, and believes she is
missing out on some fun. When she goes home she has a difficult time submitting
to her husband when he says he doesn’t want her to go out dancing in bars with
friends. Or her friends tell her how they boss their husband around and would
never ever submit to their husband in a million years! Hello! Do not be unevenly
yoked with unbelievers!
A husband may see his role as head of the family a bit
differently than his wife. Most Christian husband’s who take their position
seriously may protect their wives from outside influences with great authority,
while she may take his behavior as demanding or controlling. Great discernment
and godly wisdom is needed here, not forgetting to pray about it together, so
you may both understand what is the proper way to lead and the proper way to
submit. If either spouse fail to commit to the purpose set out for them by God,
there will be troubles such as described above.
On the other hand, if a husband is often taking advantage of
his leadership position than I tend to believe he is an unbeliever using the
scripture for his own gain. And if that were the case God has specific
instructions for that.
And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is
willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband
has been sanctified by his believing wife…
(1 Corinthians 7:13-14 NIV)
Many times in such circumstances a Christian wife finds her
strength through the power of Christ in her life and she can remain married and
sometimes her husband may even become a believer. This is what God intends for
marriage, but it may not happen in all marriages.
In a healthy marriage both husband and wife submit to each
other but the husband is the main spiritual leader. A woman who is sure of
herself and is made to feel good about who she is will not have a problem submitting
to her husband’s loving influence.
Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. (Ephesians
5:21 NIV)
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body,
of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives
should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV)
Jesus Christ submitted His will to the Father, and
Christian’s are to honor Christ’s example. So then this is how a wife is to
submit to her husband. If she does not submit to her husband, then she is not
honoring Christ or His example He left for us to follow.
To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you,
leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps. (1 Peter 2:21 NIV)
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