Chances are that you’ve done it too. A man or woman breaks up with you and you don't want him or her to forget about you, so you email asking if he or she is alright, then email again asking if it was alright that you emailed. Then you “accidentally" run into him or her at his or usual joint, gym or gas station and act as if you’ve moved on. Or may be you organized a get-together for your mutual friends (but mostly his or hers) and called to see if he or she wanted to come too? Or may be you date someone you know he or she will hear about with the hope of making him or her jealous.
Will they chase you if they think you've moved on - which you obviously haven't?
First of all, pretending that you have moved on will backfire. He or she will assume the relationship didn’t mean much to you anyway and that he or she should move on as well. And that’s the last thing you want.
So how can you be sure you don’t end up becoming the "one that got away"? How do you show him or her that you haven’t given up? How do you make it clear that you are free, available, waiting and wanting?
Getting an ex back is not always easy and not always guaranteed, but carefully following these suggestions will double your chances of success.
First of all, do you really want to get back together again?
If you have to rationalize how much this person and the relationship fulfills you (or hinders you) then you need to re-think if this is really what you want. If this person and the relationship does not bring real love but instead causes you significant conflict, grief, anger and pain, then it is highly unlikely that this person is the right man or woman for you.
Second of all, is he or she giving you indication he or she wants to get back together?
Do not mistake this with hanging on a lifeline which he or she has got dangling - there are some men and women who are turned on by the fact that you are still obsessing about them. I mean real indication that he or she definitely wants you back and is willing to pursue you if you're willing to be pursued. Here are some signs he or she definitely wants you back:
1) Makes initiative to reach out to you either directly or through mutual friends and relatives.
2) Looks at you or touches you the same as when he or she first met you
3) Hangs around longer, in person an on phone, or sends you frequent short emails, whatever he or she can to be near you.
4) Makes effort not just to improve him or herself but let you know they are doing their best to make themselves more attractive to you. This includes working though inner issues, improving personal appearance, getting a better job or anything to become more financially stable, committing to spiritual growth, becoming more social etc.
5) Makes a lot of sincere effort to explain and make it right if he or she suspects they’ve done something to upset or disappoint you; e.g. if he or she told you they'd call at a certain time, but didn’t.
6) Steers conversations to talking about your breakup and how things could have been better.
7) Alludes to a future that includes you in it.
If he or she is doing all these things, the ball is your court now.
One, you can go for the direct approach, that is, cast your pride and ego aside and lay it on the line; let him or her know how you feel. The problem with this approach is that, when a person breaks up with you, it’s usually for a good reason (good as far as they are concerned), and even though they want to you back, at the back of their minds, there is always some concern that they might be making the wrong decision, just telling him or her that you’re willing to work on all the issues you two had isn’t going to put those concerns to rest.
Two, this is also a direct approach but one that is based on “actions speak louder than words":
1. Do everything you can to make sure that the reason he or she broke up with you – usually it’s an emotional one – no longer exists. Get help and really work though your issues.
2. Make some improvements on you personal appearance. Nothing says "brand new" like a new look. Don’t go extreme on this as you may end up looking like a stranger. Most people don't like their exes changing what originally attracted them.
3. Take the initiative to call at least every other day and this time make a real effort to connect emotionally and spiritually, in addition to mentally and sexually (The articles section of my website has an article “Must Read For Anyone Who Attracts Men/Women But Can't Get Them To Stay" that you’ll find very useful in making sure the bond between the two on you is strong.
4. Ask him or her to hang out, and while hanging out, suggest doing some of the fun and emotionally bonding things the two of you used to do. This will remind him or her of what the two of you had, and it will make him or her very nostalgic.
5. Surprise him or her by flirting and seducing him or her in a whole different way, a whole different way. One of the common mistakes that some people do when they are trying to get an ex back is assume that because an ex already knows how they are, they don’t need to flirt or seduce them again. This is a huge mistake. If you are going to do a powerful comeback, you need to boost your inner power of attraction and personal magnetism. If the attraction is stronger than the first time, you are half-way to success (In the articles section of my website under the art of seduction, you'll find some not so known tips on subtle but powerful ways to seduce a man or woman with the inner power of sexual energy).
Make sure that you do not try too hard to make him or her like you. Instead your efforts should be to be a better person than when he or she knew you from before.
Not many people are that fortunate to get a second chance. Make it work!
If you are interested in learning how to get ypur ex back without coming across as pushy, needy or controlling, you might want to check out my e-Book - Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back.
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main webstie: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
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