(In Honor of Father’s Day)
Recently, I moderated a black men’s seminar at Zahra’s bookstore in Inglewood , California . The group present consisted of about 20 men and 7 women. Our guest author was Ken Mask, M.D., from New Orleans , Louisiana . (Titles: Murder on the Butt, Luke Jacobs, PI, City Park Murder.)
During the two hours, we covered diverse subjects such as what men really feel about being fatherless, how to recognize the silent cries of men, what single women need to know when rearing a male child, men’s fear of commitment, and the behavior of broken men. However, the main topic we covered was the confidence a male child acquires from his father.
Although women were present in the seminar, their concerns were why men had such a fear of commitment. What we concluded, though, was that this fear of commitment often could be traced back to the lack of a strong father figure in their lives.
Clearly, the better modeling men have of responsible fatherhood, the better fathers they can become.
From the disclosures made during the seminar, there is definitely a need for black men to have an example of how powerful a good father’s influence can be.
In an ideal world we would have all grown up with strong fathers in spite of racism, unemployment, alcoholism, prison and the myriad things which negatively impact Black men. But unfortunately, we don’t live in the ideal world.
So I’m a strong believer in bibliotherapy--using books as a way of healing our souls.
Often, for Black people, these examples can be found in African American literature.
Here is a list of books, which deal with the confidence a male (or female) child acquires from a father. These are just a few of the books. You can compile your own list.
Sweet Summer, Growing Up With and Without My Dad . This book details how the late Bebe Moore Campbell would go visit her divorced father in the summer while she was growing up. Although he was in a wheel chair, he stood tall in teaching her the gentle lessons of womanhood.
Sounder by William H. Armstrong. Even though the sharecropping father is sent away to prison, he had a strong presence in the book and he definitely influenced his son to grow up as a man.
In Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor, Cassie Logan and her three brothers come to understand why the land they own means so much to their Papa. "Look out there, Cassie girl. All that belongs to you. You ain't never had to live on nobody's place but your own and long as I live and the family survives, you'll never have to. That's important. You may not understand that now but one day you will. Then you'll see."
In the classic , Roots, by Alex Haley, the fathers in this family saga were strong, inspite of captivity, slavery, Jim Crow, and segregation. Who can ever forget the handing down of the story of the “Old African" from generation to generation?
In All in the Family, anthology, Janice Sims, Melanie Schuster, Maxine Thompson, the father, Mr. Johnson, is a modern day farmer, and a good father to his four daughters, which helps them pick good mates.
Murder on the Butt , Luke Jacobs, PI, City Park Murder, Luke Jacob, PI, City Park Murder, Ken Mask, M.D. As a private Investigator, the main character, Luke Jacob always reflects back to what his late police father would have done.
In A Raisin in the Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry. who can ever forget the pride reflected in the son’s face when his father, Walter, said, “We are very proud, and this is my son, who makes the sixth generation of our family in this country…" Also, the fact that his father stood up, refused to sell back the house to the bigoted neighbors, and did the right thing.
After all, isn’t that what African American literature is about? Showing us a way to live in the world with dignity, in spite of racism, bigotry and poverty?
Back to the seminar, at the end of the forum, these are some of the solutions we came up with for fathers.
1. Include God in your life as the head of your family.
2. Turn off the TV and the Internet and communicate with your children.
3. Take time to engage in old-fashioned pastimes such as bible studies, fishing, camping, bowling.
4. Take time to hug your children.
5. Tell your children you love them.
As for fathers who have been absent in your children’s lives, make time to become involved with your children, even if they are now adults. It is never too late.
Dr. Maxine E. Thompson is the owner of Black Butterfly Press, Maxine Thompson’s Literary Services, Thompson Literary Agency and www.maxineshow.com. (www.maxinethompson.com.) She hosts Internet radio shows on www.artisfirst.com and on www.maxineshow.com. She hosted on Voiceamerica.com from 3/02 to 12/06 and is currently taking a break. She is the author of eight titles, The Ebony Tree, No Pockets in a Shroud, A Place Called Home, The Hush Hush Secrets of Writing Fiction That Sells, How to Publish, Market and Promote your Book Via Ebook Publishing, The Hush Hush Secrets of How To Create a Life You Love, Anthology, SECRET LOVERS, (with novella, Second Chances,) and Summer of Salvation. SECRET LOVERS made the Black Expression's Book Club Bestselling list on 7-8-06 (after a 6-6-06 release date.) A new anthology, All in the Family, (Summer of Salvation) came out in April 2007. Another new anthology, Never Knew Love Like This Before,(her novella, Katrina Blues,) is due out in June 2007.
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