At 10:30 pm on Easter Evening, 2006, my brother-in-law, Donnie, who lived next door to us, called my husband and asked him to come back to his house for a minute. Assuming Donnie was still in ‘the holiday mood’, I projected their time together to be more like an hour or two and decided to go to bed. It was a long day and I was tired.
One half hour later, at 11:00 pm, Gary, my husband, returned home and frantically cried aloud, “Donnie’s dead! Donnie’s dead! He shot himself with a shotgun!" Without thinking, I pushed my husband aside and quickly ran next door to be with my brother-in-law, Donnie. While I ran across the yard, my eyeglasses fell off and when I arrived at his house the police were already there. Donnie’s house was officially barricaded as a crime scene.
As I stood on my brother-in-law’s front yard, I unsuccessfully tried to push past the policeman who was guarding the scene. Thinking him alive, my only concern was to be with my brother-in-law and pray with him. What I didn’t realize was that my brother-in-law lay prone on the ground only two feet away from where I stood. Neither did I realize, that he was already dead.
The events that followed are not very clear. Due to fact that I lost my glasses and am extremely nearsighted, I was somehow protected from seeing any violence. My husband, however, tragically witnessed the suicide and my nephew, Donnie’s son Michael, was with his father moments before the ambulance drove him away. Pieces of his father’s face fell to the ground as the paramedics lifted his lifeless body into the ambulance.
Oblivious to my surroundings, my eyes were still focused towards the house, not the yard. Throughout all of the confusion, I had still believed that my brother-in-law was alive and, although severely wounded, lying in his bedroom. Inwardly, I was desperately chanting prayers and hoped that I could tenderly hold my brother-in-law in my arms and pray with him.
Oddly, I did not think once of Donnie’s physical condition but, rather, his salvation: Donnie had openly denounced God many times and was a professed atheist. He lived hard and lived recklessly. This often frightened me and I told him so on more than one occasion. My heart was heavy in more ways than one.
Eventually, we were all told to go inside Donnie’s house, now the crime scene, and wait. It was then I realized that my beloved brother-in-law was dead.
Since my husband witnessed the suicide, police began questioning him first and then proceeded to question others. I was not questioned. All I remember during that time was pacing back and forth in the living room and silently praying for Donnie. It was extremely surreal and confusing.
"Our Father, Who art in heaven,"
Dear Lord, in your graciousness, please forgive Donnie of all his sins and welcome him into paradise.
"Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven."
Dear Lord, in your graciousness, please embrace Donnie with your divinity and welcome him into paradise.
"Give us this day our daily bread,"
Dear Lord, in your graciousness, please forgive Donnie for his non-belief and welcome him into paradise.
"and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil, Amen."
Dear Lord, in your graciousness, please protect Donnie’s survivors and welcome him into paradise.
Donnie adored my daughter, Laura, as she did him. Throughout this entire nightmare, Laura slept peacefully in her bed lost within the innocence of her own dreams. I wondered what we were going to say to her and feared the worst. I petitioned God to intervene and trusted that He would.
The next morning, after I fed Laura her breakfast, her father and I nervously sat down with our daughter and carefully explained to her that Jesus had called ‘her Uncle Donnie’ home the night before. I don’t remember very much after that except that the three of us huddled together and cried deeply.
Although in a daze, somehow, we got through the next few days. Sadly, family slowly arrived from New York and Donnie’s two sons, Michael and Randy, handled all the funeral arrangements. There was so little to say but so much to ask. Since Donnie hadn’t left a note, there were only assumptions to be made.
I couldn’t understand my brother-in-laws violence. I couldn’t understand any circumstances so paralyzing that anyone could end his or her life. Life is so precious and things change by the second. I have dear friends who are presently fighting for their lives with cancer, yet Donnie, for whatever reason, chose his own tragic fate.
As I observed his family, I grew acutely angry with my brother-in-law. He left a widow and two grown sons with so many unanswered questions, and above all, so much guilt. Whose fault was this, who must carry this horrid responsibility throughout their lifetime? Although I loved him very much, I often voiced my disapproval of his lifestyle. Was it I that caused this?
After the funeral, as tradition has it, everyone went back to Donnie’s home to comfort each other and break bread. Due to the circumstances, this gathering was extremely tense and filled with discomfort. There was no comfort to share, only silent pain and grieving.
I often call my daughter, Laura, my ‘miracle-child’ for God has truly blessed me with her. As I was sitting in the living room, I noticed Laura was missing. Immediately, I panicked and expected the worse. Even though everyone was gentle with her, as her mother, I feared for my child’s safety and emotional well being.
Within moments, I found her in our yard and witnessed the extraordinary. My daughter had some helium balloons and decided to have a ‘party’ for her Uncle Donnie’s first day in heaven. One by one, she let the balloons loose towards the heavens and gave God specific instructions on ‘what to cook for her Uncle’, ‘what he like’s and ‘what he doesn’t’. She even informed God that, although her Uncle Donnie pretends not to like hugs, he really does, and that God should try to hug him a few times a day.
Filled with emotion, I ran towards my daughter to join her ‘party’ and together we sent the balloons up to heaven with our love and messages. As the last balloon went to heaven, I noticed more balloons in the sky than what we had. I quickly turned around and found Donnie’s family behind us following my daughter’s lead. My daughter’s childlike spirit set everyone free enabling them to finally let the tears flow. I grabbed my Laura, and, hugging her as tightly as I could, cried with her as we saw the last balloon float towards heaven.
A little over one year has passed since this tragic event. Some answers have evolved with no one at fault. My brother-in-law was sadly tired of life and, sadly, through life, he knew not joy. I discovered that twenty years ago, he had unsuccessfully attempted suicide for the first time. It was also discovered that his life was filled with extensive drug use. We never knew. I guess he tried to go on as best as he could. I do not judge him and pray daily for him.
Where there is death, there is life. Three months after his death, on his birthday, he became a grandfather to a healthy little boy.
Unfortunately, the domino effects of this tragedy affected everyone especially his younger son, Michael. We discovered that Michael, as his father, has been a heavy drug user for years. We unsuccessfully tried to get him into therapy and a few interventions. Unfortunately, Michael is now facing thirty years in prison. He is only twenty-five years old.
When my husband witnessed his brother’s violence, a piece of him died as well. He copes, but he never will forget. My daughter still cries for her ‘Uncle Donnie’ especially on special occasions. Me? Donnie was not a ‘brother-in-law’, but a true brother to me. Apart from ‘all his faults’ I loved him dearly and miss him dearly.
Suicide affects many people. Suicide does not just end one life but emotionally scars entire families. There is help whether you are contemplating suicide or are associated with someone you fear is suicidal. My prayer is for everyone in this type of situation to reach out to someone, anyone and try to get through life one day at a time… for now at least.
Judi Lynn Lake has kept up with leading edge business trends throughout her varied and successful career. She had already had her ‘15 minutes of fame’ over and over again before starting her family. Judi and her family now reside in South Carolina but, having been born and raised on Long Island, NY, it is clearly evident that she will always be a "New Yorker." Today, she successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding and package design while she continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion.
» left by Anonymous (2 years 178 days ago.)
Judi, I am very sorry for your loss and I am sure this article was very difficult to write. I work with young people and, very sadly, suicide is on the mind of many. Thank you for your insight and having us get to know your very special daughter. Respond to this comment
» left by Judi Lake(1,858) Judi Lake (2 years 176 days ago.)
After this ordeal, I had researched suicide statistics and was alarmed to find the high numbers within our youth. That in itself is a tragedy. Thank you for your comments. Respond to this comment
» left by David Tanguay (2 years 177 days ago.)
Judi, I'm certainly not qualified as a psychologist, however I believe your daughter could see her real uncle Donnie while he lived. I personally believe your brother in law has found peace with the Lord. "God bless" Respond to this comment
» left by Judi Lake(1,858) Judi Lake (2 years 176 days ago.)
Thank you, David, for your insight and comments. Yes, I agree that my daughter's bond with her uncle enabled her to see his depth and that Donnie has finally found the peace he had searched for his entire life. The tragedy of this is that there are too many stories like this. How can this be avoided? Respond to this comment
» left by Susan Thom(12,079) Susan Thom (2 years 171 days ago.)
hi judi, a beautiful story, in many ways, even though it has it's tragic moments. there's still so much love floating through this story, as the ballons floated upward. it's so sad to think that suicide victims, and i do believe they are victims, believe it better for them to end their life, than to suffer on earth, and work towards personal development.
thanks for a good story,
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
Was this article helpful to you? Leave a Public Comment or Question:
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
tweet this!
