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I think that it is important to make a distinction between some heroic figures that we value and the role models that have impacted our lives. What are the characteristics that differentiate those heroes from people who have acted as role models for us? How do unworthy heroes and positive role models affect our behavior and the way we relate to the world?
People tend to idealize their heroes and believe that heroes live in a world of perfection. Who can forget the candlelight vigils that marked the death of John Lennon? Often people have an uncanny capacity to lose themselves in the process of honoring their beloved heroes. Some of us become an extension of the heroic figures that we embrace such as rock stars and sports icons.
As adults, we may pass this phenomenon of hero adoration down to our children. Months ago, a congressional committee heard testimony from a representation of our major league stars. Some congressional committee members actually “lost themselves," displaying a sense of wonder and awe, commending the players for their contribution to elevating the game to a level of excellence. Now we all know the rest of the story.
On a positive note, I recall introducing my son to an old time hall-of-fame star named Bob Feller. Bob was a flame-throwing pitcher for the Cleveland Indians. Bob spent a half an hour talking with me and my baseball-adoring son. Without hesitation, he autographed anything we wanted, free of charge. There are not many Bob Feller’s in this world; so many heroes are doomed to disappoint us. Why should anyone care whether Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron’s home run record? Nevertheless, we have a fascination with hero’s status and behavior. For many, it doesn’t make a difference whether Michael Jackson is a suspected molester of children since he is still revered by millions of fans throughout the world.
We are enthralled with our heroes. We care little about what Martin Luther King called the “content of one’s character." Regardless of our hero’s behavior and integrity, we too often become enamored with their power and status and allow ourselves to become an extension of their values, behavior and beliefs. In our rush to embrace our heroes, we idealize them, ignoring their humanity. We don’t want to see them as real people because it diminishes the significance of their importance to our lives. Many of us lack a clear vision for our lives, and heroes serve the purpose of filling a personal void. We believe that our heroes are more important and deserving than we are. One prominent basketball player told his young admirers, “I am not your hero kids; if you want a role-model go home and talk with your parents."
Role models are significantly different from heroes. Role models are the people who come into our lives in a connecting manner and enrich our experience. They give us advice, teach, coach, encourage, support and protect those of us within their sphere of influence. They are the parents, friends, neighbors, and the men and women of the military whose service we honor and cherish. They represent our “acts of grace."
When I was a child, I was fortunate to have a family who acted as a role model for me. Since I was friends with their son, these parents would invite me over every Saturday to play and to eat lunch with their family. Then, during the summer they would take me on a weeklong vacation to their summer get-away near the shores of Lake Michigan . They were kind, considerate and supportive. I needed them in my life. When many of us are unable to create a sense of family within our own home, we need to look elsewhere to fill the void.
We all need mentors and I was fortunate to have a family who saw my need and acted as a role model for me. Role models are intimately interested in our spiritual and psychological well-being. When we feel vulnerable, role models assist us in building confidence and character. They elevate us rather than diminish us.
As adults, we may have role models who meet our needs in a way that encourages and support us in unique ways. A parent, friend, relative, or acquaintance may serve us by helping provide meaning and purpose for our lives. This is what experiencing a sense of community is about.
Role models will rarely let us down, but heroes often do. Role models always elevate us, whereas hero worship may lead us to diminish our value. Role models are intimately connected to our experience, whereas heroes may serve as vicarious, illusionary images. We accept our role models with all of their frailties, whereas heroes are placed on a pedestal. Role models fulfill our needs, whereas heroes may be a disappointment when they fall from grace. Role models are not an extension of who we are, whereas heroes may be tied to an illusion that we have about reality. You rarely hear about role models, but heroes receive an inordinate degree of attention whether they deserve it or not. It is time as a culture that we salute the role models and the purpose that they serve within our lives and our community.
James P. Krehbiel is an author, a licensed professional counselor and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. Are you in the bubble or have you stepped out? James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. James has taught Master's level classes in counselor education through Chapman University of California. He specializes in working with patients who have depressive, anxiety and autistic spectrum disorders. James has written numerous articles on a variety of counseling-related topics, all available via Google searches. His first book, Stepping Out of the Bubble, is available at www.booklocker.com. James is in the process of completing his second book regarding adult illusions about their childhood experience.
» left by David Tanguay (1 year 192 days ago.)
Heroes in my lifetime James were those who enlighten me with facts pertaining to life’s mysteries who actually could explain and satisfy my childhood curiosity, they range in all walks of life. However like you say role models are those whom we desire to be like or follow their lead in the lives they live. this is where our most important lessons in life are taught to us. courtesy, honesty, integrity, morality. Our heroes can let us down as you say, however our role models are right there to pick us up when we fall. "liked your article"
» left by Judi Lake(2,631) Judi Lake (1 year 191 days ago.)
Well written and well said, James! Like you, as a child, I was surrounded with grounded role-models which created a domino effect even with my professional career. The kids today especially need that because, as you wrote, role models rarely let you down. Good Article! Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (1 year 191 days ago.)
I have never understood why people have hero's who they have never met and cannot know their true character. When I was a child my favourite singer was Gary Glitter, look how he turned out! Perhaps that was my lesson in the futility of idolising those you do not know. My hero's are my mother and my Gran and a few of my pals. I know their hearts and their accomplishments and they are real. Not some construct of my imagination.
Interesting article. Respond to this comment
» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr.(6,477) Robert Melaccio, Sr. (1 year 190 days ago.)
Great article and yes we need role models, all of us. Perhaps we need to look at the littkle people, you know mom, dad, step mom, step dad, grandma, grandpa and you know those everyday people who make a difference. It sees those in the limelight are far and few inbetween. I know that the schools scream for a male to teach. Thats not because they don't have enough super good females. It is becuase there is a lack of good male role models in many a home and young peole and children long for it. Good job. Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,434) James P Krehbiel (1 year 190 days ago.)
Robert,
Thank you. Your point about male role models is well taken. When I was a young guy I used to teach 5th grade. I loved it and kids needed that male modeling. Respond to this comment
» left by Muhammadh Iqbal from india (1 year 79 days ago.)
Dear James,
When u talk of role models,lets question why we need role models ? to teach us courtesy,honesty,integrity,morality etc etc. Do you think lessons of these could be derived from sportsfolks and rockstars.We need a way of life from people who exemplified their wholelife in this world to teach us what life is and what life is not .I don't think u get this and worst of all expect from celebreties.
If we come to the conclusion that life is all about sports and celebreties and getting their autographs and getting lessons of morality etc.from them ,I don't have much to say.
All this is the result of how a whole group of people are misled about the purpose of life,and especially the leaders ,how for their own interest are keeping their subjects ignorant of so many good things in life. Respond to this comment
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