Anticipated deaths or losses as opposed to sudden or unexpected losses--due to events like crimes, accidents, suicide, or sudden heart attack--can make a difference in the timing of recovery from the loss of a loved one. When there is no way to prepare ahead of time the grieving prosess takes longer. These losses can challenge your sense of security and confidence in the predictability of life. Initially,you may experience symptoms such as sleep disturbance, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, feelings of isolation, or anxiety.
Anticipated losses--like a terminal illness-may give you more time to prepare for the loss. You will have a chance to say good-bye and clean up unfinished business with the other person. The actual time of the death will still have an emotional impact, but if you have used the time prior to the death to begin to grieve for your loss, recovery after the death could be faster and easier.
The duration and timing of the grieving process is different for everyone. We know the stages of grief. There is a predictable schedule for grief but no right or wrong way to mourn. We are all different and grieve in our own way. Even though it can be quite painful at times, the grieving process cannot be rushed. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster for the first year or longer.
You must take life one day at a time for a while. You may think you are doing fine, then suddenly you see the back of a head, or hear a voice that reminds you of your loved one. Significant dates like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, may trigger unexpected feelings of sadness and loss. It is important to be patient with yourself and allow these feelings to surface. They are your unique feelings and your unique reactions to the loss. With time and support, things generally do get better. However, it is normal for sadness to return at unexpected times.
Grief makes you vulnerable and adds stress to your life. It is more important than ever to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Don't be afraid to ask for help and support. Acknowledging your feelings is important during these times in your life.
On the other hand, if you have dealt with each loss as it happened in your life, you will be able to cope with the most recent loss easier and heal faster. Losing a person you have been living with involves letting go of these daily habits and complicates the grieving process. It is important to monitor your reaction to small losses, so that when a major loss occurs in your life you will have some insight into what to expect of yourself. Knowledge is power. Know thyself! |
