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The best thing you can do when dealing with an alcoholic spouse is
to detach from the abuse of the alcoholic. You can do this if you truly
love your spouse and want to help them to possible sobriety. The more
you focus all your energies on the alcoholic, the less likely he is to
get sober. This article focuses on how you can detach and remain
healthy mentally.
Don’t Make Alcoholism Your Problem
If
you have never read any of the Al-anon material then you probably don’t
know that you are making the disease of alcoholism YOUR problem. One of
the sad facts of living with an alcoholic is we become just as mentally
and emotionally sick as the alcoholic. This happens because every step
of life we take, and every breath of air we breathe has some
involvement with the alcoholic. Our emotions overtake our own mental
health as we try and cope with the deterioration of the alcoholic in
our life. What are we doing wrong? We are concentrating too much on the
disease, instead of concentrating on our mental and emotional health.
We may as well be tipping the bottle for them. Better yet, we may as
well be drinking with them!
Don’t Enable
Most
spouses of alcoholics don’t realize they are helping their spouse drink
just by a few simple behaviors and actions. Several ways in which you
may be enabling your spouse to drink is by buying them alcohol,
drinking with them, calling the boss and or family members for him
because he is too hung over or too drunk to do it himself. Lying to
friends, boss, family and co-workers about him and his drinking
problem. Taking them to the store, arguing with them, and behaving like
a victim. You are not the victim of alcoholism until you make yourself
BEcome the victim.
Get Off The Pity Pot
Get off of
the pity pot and begin living for yourself, instead of living for the
alcoholic. “Oh poor me, everyday I am suffering and I can’t take it
anymore" attitude won’t get you anywhere. You need to take care of
yourself and that cannot be done if you are focusing all of your
attention on the alcoholic and what he is doing or what he isn’t doing.
Start focusing on what you can do for yourself. Get out of the house,
don’t hang around the alcoholic, and don’t let them abuse you with
their words. If you care about the alcoholic in your life, this is what
helps them more than anything else.
Detach With Love
You
are powerless to getting your loved one to stop drinking. The first
step in being able to detach is by realizing that the shenanigans of
the alcoholic is not your problem. Don’t try and fix their messes for
them. Not only does this enable them to continue drinking, but also it
justifies their drinking. Don’t have any interaction with the alcoholic
while they are drinking; that includes, talking and arguing with them.
Why fuss and fight with someone who has lost the ability to make any
sense? Don’t become ensnared in the alcoholic trap with them. Stay out
of the trap, so you can help them. Ninety-five percent of what an
alcoholic says is manipulative and hogwash anyway. Don’t start
believing in the lies of the disease. Separate yourself from the antics
of the alcoholic.
Pray For The Alcoholic
I can’t
tell you how important the process of daily prayer can be. Not only
does it bring you closer to God but it will also get you into the habit
of going to God with your life challenges. God does hear your cries of
pain and He will give you the answers you need to get through your
trials and tribulations, even if your spouse continues to drink. Be
patient and remain faithful in the Lord and He will deliver you from
your suffering. Do not be anxious about anything, but in
everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your
requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)
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