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How is it that others can infringe on our lives, and get away with it? Do we ask for mistreatment? Do we gravitate to those who eventually turn on us, and do us harm? Is there something we possess in our character that attracts such people? Do our own insecurities lead us to strong, overpowering people whom we feel safe with, until there’s a problem? Why can’t we stand on our own, free of anyone who wants to bring us down everytime there’s a miscommunication, or a difference of opinion? The very strength we were drawn to, can be the last thing we want to deal with.
To feel out of control is one of the most frustrating experiences. To have no choices, is like living for no reason. Weren’t we all given the right to be free when we were born? Why would that then change in adulthood? Sometimes in childhood, as well. Why do some people think they can have power over others? What is it about their make-up that allows them to feel they have that right? Their upbringing, or their adult situations? Are they so misguided that they believe they can control another human being? Does their faith encourage this kind of behavior? I think not. So why then, do they believe and yet go against the very essence of their maker?
If someone is feeling upset, does it make them feel better to upset someone else? Are they that jealous that the other person may be feeling well? Do they want to "get back" at them for enjoying their day? There must be reasons why a person would think it right to infringe on another’s right to be themselves, and be free. Does it make them feel more secure in their own selves, to make someone else feel insecure? Do they enjoy the sense of dominance that must come with being stronger than another? Is withholding love and material possessions somehow a high for some, when it is clearly so contradictory to the peace the Higher Being I believe in wants His children to have for one another?
Why must love turn to hate so quickly? I know about the thin line. I’ve lived it. But I don’t understand it. One moment can be pure bliss, and five minutes later, pure Hell. Are emotions that powerful? It appears to be that way, and the only answer I can think of for such erratic behavior. Emotions all jumbled up, making no sense during times of what can only be referred to as "battles." Do I love, or do I hate? There never seems to be a middle ground. Not in a love/hate relationship, anyway. A like/like relationship seems to be the best way to go. There can be small disagreements, and compromises, but no screaming and yelling, and trying to control.
We are taught how to control from an early age, if we have good parents. First, we have to control going to the bathroom, so we can move from diapers to underwear, probably our first big independent action. Then we are taught to control our outrages and outbursts. We learn how to be responsible, and take care of our toys, and put them back when we’re done. We learn how to look respectable by wearing clean, unwrinkled clothes, and brushing our teeth and hair. We learn how to love, and be loved. We learn about honesty and responsibility and independence. So, why then, if we’ve learned all these things, do we grow up to be controlling people?
Can kids who have grown up in the right way still turn out to be controllers? Is there just something inside of some of us that needs to feel power over others? Was our older brother or sister overpowering to us, or our mother or father? Did we accept the feelings of submission until we got out into the world? Did those emotions build up over many years, and come out when confronted with weaker, less powerful people? Did the first time we dominated someone, feel so good and satisfying, that we continued throughout our adult lives? And how do we stop? Many don’t want to stop. There are a few that do, however, and I’m assuming psychiatric care is the answer. There will never be a total of households that have dominating, sometimes violent, behavior, because that behavior usually stays within the confines of that home.
If the divorce rate is one out of two, I’m betting there’s a lot of households like that, probably more so than functional, calm, loving homes. These homes are releasing angry, controlling, demanding, and dominating adults out into this world. They hook up with a mate, have kids, and control, demand, dominate, and spread their anger to yet another generation. I have no answer for this major problem in our society. The shelters are full, and I’m sure that’s only a partial consensus of all the battered wives and children who are with neighbors or relatives. They may be in a hotel somewhere, or they simply put up with it day by day because they don’t want to go to a shelter or relative’s home, in an attempt to escape the abuse.
We have Mayors and Senators and Congressmen, and a Vice President, and a President, and a Pope, and yet, this epidemic of dominating, controlling, and violent people keeps increasing. And the ones who suffer are not the abusers, but the abused. A child who simply spilled their juice, a wife who accidentally burned dinner, a daughter who dropped a dish. A dog who hadn’t been let out all day, and went on the floor. A person who simply disagrees with another.
This problem is much more prevalent than most people tend to believe. Maybe anger management should be mandatory in all schools, from pre first on up. Maybe then, we could undo what went on in the home, and teach these kids a better way. A society full of people who can have a confrontation without becoming violent, a conversation that can take place with opposing views, but not opposing fists. I believe the good that would come of these classes, would far outweigh not having them.
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