One of the main reasons a husband and wife would stop having
sex is because of the way they view and perceive each other. When we feel a
certain way towards someone it controls the way we interact with them. For
instance, when we feel madly in love or close intimately with our spouse we are
more inclined to want sex, and to even initiate the lovemaking. When we have
ongoing negative feelings towards our spouse we will most likely be turned off
from getting intimate with them.
If feelings control our actions, then that is what we must
learn to understand and control so we can live peaceful and satisfied lives
with the person we married. God explains to us in detail about the principled
acts of love, which is choosing to love the person we married over choosing to
base our actions on the way we feel. There are many ways we can choose to love,
which brings on a satisfying sex life with our spouse. By the way, we choose to
love, when we do something about our circumstances to make them better!
Stop Dissecting Each Other
Some of us like to dissect every little thing our spouse
says or does, but this is not a wise thing to do. People do and say things that
can be quite ambiguous to say the least, especially in the bedroom. A wife may
flippantly smart off in a joking way, or a husband might scowl with his facial
expressions and then they analyze each other for the rest of the evening
instead of enjoying the intimate time with one another.
Couples focus too much on what the other is doing or
thinking during lovemaking. Stop analyzing and learn to enjoy the moment.
Granted, we do need to be more careful with what we say and do so this kind of
situation does not continually come up during intimate moments. I suggest that
couples stop trying to scrutinize each other during these precious times, or
any time for that matter.
Sexual Pleasure Is Your Responsibility
It is your responsibility to make sure you orgasm during
lovemaking. You can tell your spouse what feels good and what you like, but
after that the rest is up to you. I cannot believe the volumes and volumes of
books out there that talk about how to have a great sex life, and how to do it,
and what positions, etc. All of that is so relative to the simple act of having
sex with the person you married and should be loving. Choose to love by taking
responsibility for your part in the marriage.
Husbands and wives get so worried that they aren’t being a
good sexual partner to the other that they actually ruin it for themselves. It is your responsibility that you enjoy
yourself; you cannot enjoy it for your spouse that is something they must do
for themselves. So in retrospect when one spouse blames the other for not being
able to orgasm, or if they feel their spouse is not a good sexual partner all
that means is they do not know how to enjoy themselves.
Quit Looking At Each Others Faults
Yeah, your spouse has faults, and the more you focus on
those faults, the less likely you are to look at your spouse in a good light. I
encourage couples to stop focusing all of their energies on the faults of their
spouse and start excepting one another. As married people our purpose is to be
encouraging for one another and to be the best we can be for them. When we
constantly focus on each other’s faults, it dampens romance.
Make Love Earlier In The Day
Some couples rarely have sex just because of the schedule
they have chosen for themselves. They both come home tired after work, they
cook, eat dinner, watch a few TV shows to unwind, and before you know it, its
11:00 pm! All you want to do is go to sleep, so you can start all over again,
the next day. I suggest skipping a few of the TV shows and spend bedroom time
together when you both feel more energetic.
Do Not Desensitize Yourself Sexually
Do not do anything or watch anything that would take away
from wanting and desiring your spouse.
This is one way in which pornography spoils marriage. Viewing porn keeps
couples from wanting each other. Some women are as much to blame as their husbands
on this, if they are flirting and looking at other men at work, or having
affairs while her husband is working, etc. It’s a no-brainer here. You’re
married, so be responsible.
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your
own well.
(Proverbs 5:15 NIV)
***
Angie Lewis is the author of three marriage books offering
marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction,
adultery, pornography, emotions, beliefs, feelings, marriage, children, forgiveness,
communication, submission and spiritual influence in the home.
Love The Man You Married is a great teaching tool for
couples. Every Christian wife and husband should read this informative book on
marriage.
ISBN: 1411677501
Love The Woman You Married - This is a great book on finding
and putting to work your purpose for marriage, and understanding the aspects of
submission and spiritual influence in the home. A wonderful teaching guide
about how God designed marriage to be. Excellent resource for husband and wife
to read together. ISBN 978-1-4303-0047-2
To preview these books go here:
http://www.lulu.com/AngieLewis/
Marriage Resources-http://www.heavenministries.com/
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