You already know you are responsible for your own behavior, thoughts, feelings, and your life. You know that it is not what others do, but your interpretation of what they do that creates your reaction. You know these things, and sometimes you forget these things. When you find yourself blaming, resenting, or condemning someone, you have forgotten. 100 % responsibility goes beyond being responsible for just you, and it is a powerful way to view the world.
Those of us who have sought to increase our well-being and effectiveness in life know that we can only control ourselves. In a relationship, personal or professional, we can only control what we think, say, and do. The other half of the relationship is up to the other person. To accomplish this mindset, to be independent of the opinions of others, yet still be caring toward them, is a great thing. Yet, it is not 100 % responsiblity.
100% responsibility means I am responsible for everything. If I am the leader of an organization, I am responsible for the feelings, behaviors, productivity, and quality of everyone in my organization. If I am a spouse and parent, I am responsible for the feelings and behaviors of everyone in my family. If I am an athlete, I am responsible for the performance of everyone on my team. This may sound like a heavy burden, but it is not. 100% responsibility is the way to freedom and greater effectiveness.
Let us first define what responsibility is. It is the ability to respond. Responsibility is not blame. It is also accountability. Accountability means that I recognize that I am part of this organization, family, or team. Since I am here, I have an effect. My thinking, feeling, and behavior affect everyone else. My opinions of others form my vision for them. If I am focused on problems and conflicts, I am feeding those problems and conflicts with my attention.
For example, if I am convinced that my child is irresponsible I will continue to think that thought. That thought will continue to elicit upset in me. I will inflict that negative emotion on my child in my every word, facial expression, voice tone, and in my body language. My child will continually get the message: “You are irresponsible." My every effort to fix my child and make him be responsible will fall short. All of my energy is directed toward irresponsibility, therefore I will continue to cocreate irresponsibility with my child.
In 100 % responsibility you ask yourself the question: “What is going on in me that this problem is manifesting?" Next, get quiet. Contemplate this. Meditate on it. Pray on it. Honestly seek an answer. You may be surprised at what you receive. Once you begin to see how your thoughts and actions contribute, you can ask another question: “What can I do to rectify this situation within me?" Again, contemplate, meditate, and/or pray on this. Do what comes to you.
To view yourself and your world from a viewpoint of 100 % responsibility is so powerful. If you are 100 % responsible you expand your influence. As a leader in an organization, department, team, or even a family you need not focus your efforts on fixing people and things “out there". Go instead, “in here" and ask:
• What is going on in me that this is happening?
• How can I rectify this in me?
One of the major benefits of 100% responsibility is that you stop seeing yourself as a victim. If you are responsble, you can not be a victim. Consider this: What if someone is doing or saying unkind things to you? And what if you stop being the victim and ask--"What is going on in me that this person is feeling bitter or angry?" You begin to see that what you thought was happening is not happening. Maybe the anger being given to you is not about you. It’s not personal. Or perhaps your anger or hurt feelings serve to draw more hostility your way. As you reflect on your own internal reactions, you make a decision to let them go. You can face the emotion and create the intention to feel at peace instead. You can offer prayer or meditation in which you give away the negative thoughts and feelings to Spirit (or by whichever name you call It.) That is, you release the thoughts and feelings you have been holding on to.
When you practice this you begin to see other people differently. You make different choices. The underperforming employee who you usually avoid, now receives your interest and concern. You ask how he is doing and if there is anything he needs. You offer honest feedback along with your willingness to help. The spouse you saw as undeserving of your affection now gets a sincere compliment. The “irresponsible" child receives an encouraging word. The people around you at work who you saw as “against" you, now look different. You now see them with compassion and find ways to support them.
In this new mindset you treat people differently because you see them differently. Since we live in a connected world, your thoughts and feelings affect them, too. The “energy" around your relationship becomes different. For example, if you have hostile or critical feelings toward someone, they can feel that “energy". If the “energy" changes to respect, non judgment, and compassion, they will feel the shift. To do this you must be willing to let go of all negative judgments and feelings toward the person. This is forgiveness. If you are unsure about letting go of the negative, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right (angry, hurt, upset, etc.) or would I rather be free? (whole, effective, happy, etc.) Then release it.
100% responsibility doesn’t mean you are carrying the world on your shoulders. It does mean that you, like everyone else, are supporting the current state. It means that you are a much bigger person than you think you are. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim or as the helpless bystander, you take responsibility for what is happening. When you sincerely ask to see what is going on in you and how you can rectify the situation in you, you take your focus off trying to change others. Your focus is on clearing your mind of all negative emotion. As you clear yourself you can help and lead others toward what can be. You will find yourself behaving in ways that lead toward the highest good of the whole group.
So much of leadership today seems focused on identifying and correcting what is wrong. True leadership is about finding and acting upon opportunities. Every so-called external problem is an opportunity to go within and find answers. Be 100 % responsible and you will inspire others. You will find people responding differently and situations changing as you change your thoughts. Be 100% responsible and you will take constructive action over blaming. Be 100 % responsible and you will change your world for the better.
“Before you would remove the speck from your brother’s eye, first remove the log from your own eye, that you may see more clearly." Jesus
William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, executive coach, and the author of three books, including Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in People and Organizations. Find out more or purchase the book at http;//noblaming.com
» left by Anonymous (2 years 122 days ago.)
Great article! Definitely gives you something to contemplate when you start to feel like it's time to whine or complain..thank you Respond to this comment
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