Flirting is often viewed as an appropriate way to send signs of interest and/or attraction to men and women one wants to get to know, but flirting is also one of the most confusing aspect of the human courtship dance. Both sides often get confused about the subliminal messages they are sending or receiving because flirting though more communicative than verbal language is not as precise and exact.
Men especially (it’s unfortunate that women get to pick the men, but that is nature) find themselves in humiliating positions because they misread a flirting signal or failed to recognize one.
So if she smiles, flirts and starts a conversation with you, is she digging you or not?
Well, yes and no.
Some women (like me) have a naturally flirtatious personality. They’ll flirt with just about everyone not because they are interested or attracted to someone in a sexual way, but because flirting is just their way of being friendly and sociable.
So how can you tell if she’s just being friendly and sociable or actually “hitting" on you?
Again, there is no precise and exact way to know for sure, and it varies from woman to woman, age to age, social class to social class, and culture to culture but there are a few behaviours that remain true across all divides - some behaviours that are just typically "woman".
When a woman is not flirting with you because she is interested or attracted to you - in a sexual way - she’ll:
1. She’ll make eye contact with you and do all the other flirtatious eye behavior (long look, glances away and then returns the gaze again) but will avoid prolonged or deep eye gazing (that’s because she doesn’t want you to see how she really feels about you, just in case it hurts your feelings..:-)).
2. She’ll start small talk alright but nothing “personal". The conversation can be so flirtatious even bordering “sexual teasing" but it usually stays on topics like the weather, food, music or social issues. And she makes sure it stays there even if you try to get a bit “personal".
3. She’ll be “general" about what she likes about how you look, and it will not include any of the body parts considered “erotic". She might mention that she likes your smile/teeth, hands, eyes, voice, hair etc, but that’s all. If she is digging you on the other hand, she’ll mention that she likes your smell, lips, abs, butt or frontal bulge (trust me, some women are that forward!).
4. She’ll say something that puts you on the spot. For example she’ll drop in a hint that she has “someone" she is dating exclusively/ loves, or that she thinks you’re a “good" friend, or that she thinks you and Ms. X would be great together.
5. She’ll maintain a constant distance between the two of you. If she was flirting with you from across the room, she may walk up to you or allow you to walk up to her - which makes a lot of sense but here is the difference: If she is just being friendly, the distance between you will remain throughout the interaction - and most likely the positions too. If she digs you, that distance will become smaller and smaller as time goes on and she will constantly change positions (subconsciously she’s gauging the best possible angle for the next level of contact).
6. If she’s just being friendly, she’ll avoid body-to-body contact (even if she’s the most touchy person in the whole world). Your hands or other “non-erotic" body parts may “accidentally" touch, or she may even give you a hug but you won’t stay up-close and personal for more than what is “friendly". Any attempts on your part to invade her personal space will be met with a subtle or conspicuous “back-off".
These are just a few differences between flirting that says you are “so cute’ and flirting that says you are so “damn hot!".
With a little bit more understanding of (and tuning into) your own sexual instincts, you can easily tell when a woman is merely reacting from "survival" instincts (personal safety or getting along in the world) or from her "mating" instincts (Hey you! Yes you. Come and get me!)
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
