Although I have never been pregnant, my wife was, and I remember much of the anxiety she experienced. I tried to be involved in every aspect of the pregnancy, including Lamaze training, doctor visits and reading about the best kinds of child care. My understanding of the anxiety that a woman experiences was colored by my maleness. Having “gone through" pregnancy with my wife, I now have a much better understanding of the many causes of the anxiety that plague a pregnant woman.
Having a child is a fantastic event. So why do so many women experience so much anxiety when they go through the process? They may have the support of family and friends and yet feel a sense of aloneness. What are some of the anxiety-arousing triggers that a woman experiences?
The bodily changes that precede the birth of a child are often troublesome for the expectant mother. Those who are more sensitive to their physical self, or have body misperception issues may become highly anxious over these physical changes. “What will my partner or friends think?" “Will others still find me attractive?" “How will I deal with the comments that others make about my body?" “Can I still exude a sense of confidence during this phase of my life?" Although the media has recently portrayed the beauty of the pregnant woman, many may find it hard to relate to the perception of the pregnant woman being sensuous and beautiful.
Women experience apprehension over issues of whether the baby is developing normally. While modern medical knowledge provides a pregnant woman with more information and security, there still are lingering fears about the health of the developing child. Women look for signs from their doctor, their partner, and friends to help them establish a sense of well-being regarding their pregnancy. The “what-ifs" may at times dominate a woman’s thinking. “What if my child is born prematurely?" “What if I can’t bond with her?"
It may concern a woman about how her pregnancy will affect her relationship with her partner. A mother may worry about whether her partner will feel jealous or left out. “How much time will a child take away from our relationship?" “How will being parents affect our sex life?" “How will having a child alter our lifestyle?"
Other questions that the pregnant woman thinks about are, “What will my life be like after the child is born?" “How will the child’s temperament affect me?" “How demanding will the baby be?" “Do I breast feed or bottle feed?" “How will I function on less sleep?" “How will I look after childbirth?" “How and when do I resume work?" There are so many questions.
Although these anxieties are quite normal, there are some ways that such concerns can be minimized:
Validate your fears by talking about them.
Join an expectant mother’s support group.
Find a quality obstetrician and pediatrician to provide you with education and support.
Reduce stress through gentle exercise, meditation and yoga.
Stay occupied with routine tasks while you focus on planning for your baby’s arrival.
Discuss financial considerations with your partner or friends to plan for furniture, space, decorations, equipment and supplies.
Read materials related to child-care before the baby arrives.
Reflect on your own childhood and relate that to how you want to parent your child.
When the “what ifs" flood your mind, replace them with self-nurturing talk.
Take classes that will assist you in your delivery.
Make sure that someone close to you is available at the time of the baby’s birth.
Pamper yourself…make time for massages, hot baths, pedicures.
Spend time deciding on clothing and other items for the baby.
Involve caring family and friends in every aspect of your pregnancy.
Of course, get plenty of rest and eat properly.
Live in the moment and try not to anticipate the future.
Although some apprehension is unavoidable during pregnancy, try to make this time as stress-free as possible. Secure proper support, become educated about child-care methods, learn anxiety-reducing strategies, and focus your attention on self-satisfying activities. Through preparation, support, and self-nurturing, your pregnancy and child birth can be less stressful and more satisfying.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer, and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale , Arizona . See his interview this Sunday, July 15 th at www.710knus.com out of Denver , Colorado at 8:30 A.M. mountain standard time.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He received his post-graduate counseling training at Northern Illinois University. James has taught Master's level classes in counselor education through Chapman University of California. He specializes in working with patients who have depressive, anxiety, pain management and autistic spectrum disorders. James has written numerous articles on a variety of counseling-related topics, all available via Google searches. His first book, Stepping Out of the Bubble, is available at www.booklocker.com. James is in the process of having his second work published which is entitled, It Never Was About You: Saying Goodbye to theMagical Illusions of Childhood. He can be reached through his new, contemporary website at www.krehbielcounseling.com.
» left by Avis Ward(11,546) Avis Ward (2 years 113 days ago.)
James, the title of this article attracted my attention, and when I clicked on it and saw your face, I laughed. (I've a whacky sense of humour.) So that you know I do not need to be one of your patients, I know you were not pregnant. I just didn't expect to see you! *LOL*
You've covered some very important issues that arise before, during and after pregnancy. I'll say, you have had first-hand experience beyond a classroom/textbook. Men and women should read this article to gain insight and better cope with the multifarious changes that take place for a pregnant woman/couple/family.
» left by susan thom from new jersey (2 years 112 days ago.)
hi james,
having had 3 kids, i could relate to everything i was reading.
i never knew what the big craze was about pregnancy-i didn't like it one bit, especially the forced natural deliveries, because i was dilating too fast for an epidoral. at one point, i asked if they'd just hit me over the head with a hammer, however, it was doable, and worth every minute. thanks for a very informative article(i want to say, for a man):) you really hit it right on, and gave a lot of good tips to help the process.
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,145) James P Krehbiel (2 years 110 days ago.)
Susan,
Thank you for reading my article. You have been writing up a storm lately. I wish I had your energy! Your writing is improving all the time. Respond to this comment
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