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When I was in a twelve step program, I heard a lot of very simple, basic, and important sayings. The one I think helped me the most was, "How important is it?" Alcoholics are not the only people with anger problems. You don’t have to drink to scream at your kids when they’ve stepped on every last nerve in your body. Other people also experience a quick temper, and a low tolerance level.
Many people these days are well aware of the stress level, and what that can mean to their bodies. That doesn’t stop them from being impatient, rude, nasty, angry, uncompromising, selfish and revengeful. With this many of the population interacting with us everyday, wouldn’t it be nice if we could teach ourselves how to cut out all the bull we don’t need to deal with? it takes some practice, and it doesn’t always work, but when someone or something is starting to irritate you to the point of your blood pressure beginning to boil, you stop, and ask yourself, "How important is it?" When you answer that question for yourself, chances are, you will find that whatever it is, it’s not worth getting so upset over, and if you don’t get so upset over it, you help your emotional and physical well-being.
When my son was three years old, I was a cleanaholic. We had a new home and I liked everything to look nice. I had just vacuumed and washed the kitchen floor. I handed my son a glass of orange juice, and he spilt it all over the clean floor. I was ranting and raving like a lunatic. My poor little boy had no idea what I was so excited about. He shouldn’t have had to. I was wrong, and I wish I had known about the "How important is it" back then.
When I am driving sixty miles an hour down the highway, and a car pulls out in front of me, I slow up now, instead of playing chicken, beeping my horn, giving the driver the finger, and following them home! But if I hadn’t been exposed to that little phrase, I’d still be foaming at the mouth everytime something didn’t go my way. our internet service just went out due to a storm and lightening. I write and e mail for hours a day. We will be getting a new box two days from now. In another time, I’d be going nuts. I’d be frantic that I couldn’t get on my email, and I couldn’t post my stories. Now, I just say to myself, I wish I had it, but I’ll just write stories, and post them when I get back online. "How important is it?" Enough to get upset and have my blood racing? I think not. Had I not been introduced to the concept of picking what it is I get upset about, I’d be a lot more high strung and impatient.
If my son hits a baseball through my plate glass window, and shatters it, I think I’d be a tad upset, like a caged bull, but if he accidentally knocked over a lamp and broke it, the "How important is it?" kicks in and saves the day. So much less energy is expended. Energy I can save for something more beneficial and healthy for myself. When my daughter came home with her nose pierced, or her ear, or her eyebrow, or her belly button, or her lip!, I could have had a heart attack each individual time. But I had to say to myself, "How important is it?" The holes will close up, no harm done, a little embarrassing for me, but it makes her happy, and she’s not hurting a darn soul.
The concept is the key. Do I need to get myself upset over this situation? And if I do, can I compose myself in a manner that isn’t off the wall? There are definitely degrees. Getting a phone call from the principal that your son has been expelled warrants a little more energy than your daughter spilling hair dye on your new bathroom rug. The rug can be replaced, your daughter’s feelings cannot.
I’ve never had a small dog, and one with so much hair, a double layer. He is as cute as can be, but one day, I decided to cut out all his knots and dreads that were underneath his top coat. Not a good idea for an unlicensed or uneducated groomer! He was a little choppy looking! Instead of getting all upset over my scissors caper, I simply said, "How important is it?, and my partner shaved him, and he’s growing his hair out again. At another time in my life, I would have been hyperventilating I’d be so upset over what I’d done. I don’t have the stamina for beating myself up anymore. There’s nothing to gain by doing so, and a lot to lose.
One of my pet peeves is getting behind someone in the express check out, who has thirty items, but they’re the only ones who don’t have time to wait in the regular line. No one else has to run home an make dinner, or get to work, or go pick up their son at the football field. But, instead of saying something out loud, or getting all upset and bothered over such a silly thing in the realm of things, I simply ask myself, "How important is it?" and wait in line, and get on with my day. Years ago, that could have festered inside of me for hours. And in those hours, there would have been damage to my physical and emotional well-being. And I can pretty much guarantee Mrs. Thirty items didn’t give it another thought.
I live in a pretty rural area. There are often times when I’m on my way somewhere, and I get behind a tractor or a car going twenty miles an hour. I can pass if I want to cross the yellow lines, and not know what’s coming the other way, and I can sit and stew that I have to go so slow, or…I can say, "How important is it?" I’ll get to where I’m going when I’m meant to get there. There are no absolutes. Some days, "How important is it" just doesn’t cut it.
Sometimes, I yell at my kids, or say something to the person in front of me with all the items in the express lane. Some days I let all of my "How important is it?" phrases go right down the drain, and let out all the times I let that phrase keep me calm. Nothing is absolute. But, on the whole, this saying has helped me to keep calm and figure out a better way to deal with life’s ups and downs. The tomato sauce is going to boil over while I’m in the bathroom, no matter what I do. I’m going to have to get the sponge and clean it up, and I can do so in a fit of rage, or I can do so calmly, and get on with making dinner. My mind feels better when I’m calm, my body feels better, and my Crohn’s stays away. My kids are happier, my partner is happier, and I am happier. How important is that?
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