Trauma: When you can't get over it

Trauma

You know the situation-a friend goes through a bad time. They talk about it over and over because what happened was so horrible, shocking, scary, or unreal they can’t forget it. What is worse than someone talking about this horrible thing that happened over and over, is when they stop talking about it or refuse to talk about it. If this person is not talking about it or if this person refuses to talk about it, there is a problem. Trauma is serious. If you are the person who can’t get over something watch for these signs:

• You are having dreams or nightmares about what happened.
• Your thoughts suddenly flashback to what happened, usually when you see, hear, feel, taste, or hear something that reminds you of what happened.
• You are jumpy, more careful than you need to be. You look behind you more, check things more often, jump if someone touches you at the wrong time.
• You can’t stop thinking about it. Whatever "it" is, it is always on your mind when you are reminded of it. Sometimes it creeps up on you and you realize you re thinking about it.
• You are "working" to forget it. When you want to completely forget parts of your life, you are missing your life. Forgetting should not be a job.
• It is a big secret or you act like it never happened. No one talks about that time period, or you avoid certain subjects, it’s your "family secret," or it is your own darkest secret.
• You avoid anything that could possibly remind you of it. Don’t go down that street, don’t wear certain scents. You have a secret lists of "don’t" Breaking your secret list might make you think about it, cry, or have a bad dream
• You think you "learned your lesson." The lessons can be anything from "never trust anyone," "Nothing really matters," "Don’t trust men," "Women are all trash, use them up and throw them away" to "Get them before they get you," "Never drive car," or "Don’t go out after dark." They are usually negative and limit you from living your life fully and openly.
• You live numbly. You don’t care. Bad things happen, things change, people come, people go-whatever. You don’t care. You are protecting you and focus on having fun. Fun can be any form-work, friends, sex, sleep, partying, social skipping. Anything to keep your mind occupied-always.
• Aches, pains, headaches, and fatigue. Hold pain, stress, and fear in long enough and your own body will start sending you signs. It will keep bringing ailments until it brings you to your sick bed.

Take these signs seriously. If you don’t tend to your emotional wounds, then they won’t let you forget until you do.

Usually, counseling and completing trauma recovery with a good trauma counselor is your best choice because you will need someone to guide you, push you, and support you. Try these tips. If they don’t help, then please seek counseling. Your life will improve immensely. Do it yourself tips:

• Write it down. What did you see? What happened? Get as detailed as possible. Then write how you feel about it. Do this again and read it out loud to one other person.
• Know your triggers. What makes you see or think of it? Don’t avoid them, understand them. What memories do they come from? Write those memories or tell at least one supportive person.
• What lessons did you learn? Identify them. Write them down. Are they logical? Are they fair? Or, do they only protect. Talk them out with someone. Look for evidence against these "lessons."
• What do you fear? Trauma creates fear. Being brutally honest. What is it that you fear? Abandonment? Violence? Rape? Heart break? Having feelings again? Pain? Crying? Figure it out.
• Know everyone’s roles. First know what the trauma is. Were you hurt by someone? Were you let down? Were you in a dangerous situation? Near death? Rape? Natural disaster? See something scary? Who are the players in this event. What do you think of them. Do you blame anyone or anything?
• Confront it. Someone hurt you. Tell them, but with forgiveness. Tell them they have no power over you because although you know what they do, you are no longer putting energy into hate. A counselor can help with this "clarification session." Don’t confront until you have completely assessed yourself and you have accepted the loss, tragedy, or situation. This MUST be done with directed support.
• Embrace your life. What happened in the past is part of your personal history. Don’t try to forget it. Know it personally, face the fears, and try something that you would normally not do. Start learning new lessons to live by. Live with thought and never wish your life away. Tell others that you trust and tell them what you learned.

Not sure if your symptoms are trauma related? Make a time line of your life. Any time periods blocked out of memory? See any loss? Trauma? Examine it. If it hurts to talk about it, you might want counseling for trauma recovery. Here are some examples of some of the many things that can cause trauma-related symptoms.

• Natural Disaster. Tornadoes, earthquakes, mudslides, hurricanes, deadly lightening, anything. Near it, watch it, in it-can all cause trauma.
• Accidents. Watched it or went through it, both can cause trauma. Car accidents, house fire, scary falls, household accidents, anything. Accidents are scary, unexpected, and unreal. If you went into shock, more likely it has become a trauma.
• Personal attacks. Again, if you watched it, were a witness or experienced it – it all could have caused trauma. Rape, attempted rape, a severe beating, being hit for the first time ever, robbery, mugging, anything that compromised your safety. Again, if you went into shock. More likely you will have trauma.
• Emotional pain. Did someone you count on neglect you? Too many break ups? Abandoned? Someone close die? Anything that hurt and still does.
• Childhood experiences. Molest, abuse, neglect, rejection, alienation-all horrifically painful at a time in life that you absolutely have no control. Little boys and little girls get hurt. It is a very serious matter that must be emotionally dealt with. However, there tends to be a barrier to avoiding trauma or getting trauma recovery, especially with men. The barriers to feeling better are usually embarrassment, shame, and being told too many times-get over it.
• Watching others get hurt. The news shows continual pain inflected on people, car accidents are on the side of the road, some one gets very hurt in front of you. Although not often recognized, but watching pain can traumatize very easily.
• Hurting someone else. Did you have to hurt someone? Did you accidentally hurt someone? Either case, you can hurt for too long and eventually feel trauma symptoms.

Trauma recovery is so important, but very much over looked. When you are fighting ghosts from the past, hurting, and showing signs of trauma-seek assistance in overcoming it. Your life will become all-inclusive, skipping nothing, and moving forward. If you don’t take care of your past, your future may always lack luster and vibrancy.

Elizabeth Roe 2005

wellness counseling center