I have been confused about this saying since I first heard it years ago. I always thought it would be selfish to thine own self be true! I was always a people pleaser. People had to like me, or I would consider myself a failure. I wouldn’t get into confrontations because I wanted to please, not make any waves. I did for others, not myself. I thought that was the path to the Lord! I drank a lot in my people pleasing days, and I wasn’t happy.
I was filled with guilt and shame and haunting memories, and I tried to escape through alcohol. The only escape was from reality. I just couldn’t get a handle on it. I tried to be truthful and responsible and respectable and a good mother and housekeeper and bill payer. And I was all these things, but I had baggage sitting in my inner self that I forgot about, but it didn’t forget about me. It had to be dealt with and I had to start anew.
I stopped drinking and started going to meetings at a twelve step program. I was being exposed to matter I had never heard about before. It was wonderful and exciting and intelligent and helpful, and brought me back night after night. I went for four and a half years straight. I think I missed two meetings. There was so much knowledge, so much diversity, so many rules and traditions to remember, but they were wonderful words of wisdom, and you wanted to remember them. So many different people, of all different races, creeds, and religions, all talking about the same feelings and emotions we all felt. I learned so much in those one hour meetings. I learned a lot about myself doing the steps and traditions. I acquired a way of telling my story that people were interested in, and liked, and that hopefully helped them.
There was such a feeling of overall desire to help one another in each and every meeting. After twenty years, I was not drinking, and I was learning. There were little tools to use so you didn’t get so mad or frustrated. I started practicing these tools, and they worked. So, I went back for more. I got a sponsor, and she helped me immensely. Hearing other people’s stories was so therapeutic. There is so much hurt and pain and fear out there. Fear is in almost everybody. It just depends on how you deal with that fear. One of the sayings is that "Everything stems from fear." I came to believe that. Whenever any argument is going on, if you ask yourself what are you afraid of, and what the other person is afraid of, you’ll most likely figure out why you’re both so mad.
One step at a time, sometimes one minute at a time, and one foot in front of the other were also helpful sayings. When you start incorporating all these sayings, things start to look a little brighter. When I had to do something I thought would be hard, I’d remember, "One foot in front of the other," and I’d get the job done.
I was becoming much more "tame." I was calmer and more open, and I was getting a long with my kids better. "How important is it?" was a hugely powerful and useful saying to me. I would start to get upset about something, and could feel myself getting ready for battle. I’d say the saying, and think about it, and keep quiet, and avoid an argument, because "it wasn’t important." Why fight and argue? Sometimes, there are reasons beyond our control, but more often, we argue and fight over trivial things that end in hurt and pain.
Then, there was the "To thine own self be true." Almost every time there was a celebration of someone’s sobriety, those words would come out. They are embedded in the coin. I finally figured it out after tons of meetings, I think!
If I am not true to myself, i.e. if I donot take care of my needs, then I will be of no service to myself or others. We have to start with our ownselves when we choose to be truthful and responsible and respectful. We have to strengthen our resolves. We have to make our amends. We have to pray for the right words to come from our mouths, in an attempt to help another, and we must do so with no thoughts of ourselves involved. If we do these things, we will be true to ourselves. If we burn ourselves out trying to do too many things, and help too many people, we will get sick, and be no good to ourselves or anyone else.
So, we must be true to ourselves. We must take care of ourselves. We must make sure we eat properly, and take care of our bodies and our minds, and work towards true happiness. And true happiness can happen if, to thine ownselves, we be true.
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