When I came to Jesus whole-heartedly, it was at the age of thirty. I had made a
mess of my life and from the bottom I reached out to the same Jesus I had known
and loved at the age of six. I knew I had no one else to turn to but Jesus. And,
true to His character, He met me atmy point of
need. I soaked up the peace and joy He gave like a parched desert plant
welcomes refreshing rain. I hungered for His Word to the exclusion of all else
in life, and scriptures I had memorized as a child began to take on whole new
meanings for me. It was a honeymoon I'll never forget, and my Groom was generous
with grace, mercy, and need-fulfillment.
As happens with all honeymoons,
the cares of life began to creep in, and I began to grieve over my wasteland
past. What bothered me the most was that I had known Jesus, accepted Him as my
Savior, and then through the years had distanced myself from Him and His
children. Sure, I had been hurt by family members, and by Christians, too; but
the bottom line was that I had chosen to walk away from the Lordship of Christ.
I believed that everything done by a person before salvation was forgiven, but I
had made a decision as a child to follow Jesus, and then I had reneged. I
allowed myself to be tormented with condemnation and accusations until I could
no longer sleep at night. Nightmares of laughing demons pointing fingers at me
terrorized me in my sleep. For months I suffered with night terrors.
Then one day, tired of being tormented, I took out my Bible and opened
it at random. I asked God to speak to me in a special way. The Bible fell open
to Isaiah 43:18-19, and as I read the words they seemed to jump off the page and
right into my spirit.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on
the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive
it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Peace flooded my soul and I understood that God was the Redeemer
of my past, present, and future. I knew He would cause all things (even my
mistakes) to work together for His good. I couldn't go back and change anything
I had done. All I could do was be part of the "new thing" God was doing on my
behalf. He was the only One Who was able to make streams in the
wasteland. The way He quickened that scripture to my spirit had shown me that
was what He intended to do: make streams in my wasteland -- do a New Thing with
my mind, soul, spirit and life!
This was my first step toward moving out
of the past into the glorious future God had planned for me. He reclaimed my
life, showed me He was not the "accuser of the brethren," and
started healing painful memories. Even though I had changed, God had not.
He had been waiting there for me all the time, and it gave Him great pleasure to
reclaim one of His lost sheep. I asked Him that day to give me opportunities to
help in the restoration of other discouraged, lost sheep, and He has done so.
God's healing process goes on.
Copyright 2007 April Lorier All rights Reserved Worldwide.
April Lorier is an award-winning writer, poet, author, Christian Speaker, Columnist, and former music teacher.
As a pastor’s daughter and a survivor of severe child abuse, April Lorier has an intimate knowledge of child abuse in and out of the church. She founded COPE, Inc, for the retraining of abusive parents. Her testimony before the CA State Legislature helped with the passage of The Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act (CANRA), signed by Ronald Reagan.
Her autobiography, God’s Battered Child: Journey from Abuse to Leader (2007) is available at Amazon (and other online stores) and http://aprillorier.com
» left by The Hollywood Preacher from Hollywood, CA (343 days 9 hours ago.)
Amen, sister! It's not how many times we fall.. it's how many times we get back up and walk further and further away from whatever was holding us back.
» left by Judi Lake (343 days ago.)
April, April, April -- you have my vote on this one! A beautiful testimony and story. I remember my second grade teacher, Sr. Jean Peter, hugged me and reinforced 'that if I were the only living person on earth' Jesus still would have died on the cross just for me alone - that is how much He loves us. God bless you and by the way, nice to meet you! Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(3,618) April Lorier (341 days 23 hours ago.)
Thank you, Judi. I'm enjoying your writing today. If we were neighbors we could have some great conversations! Keep it up, girl! Your comment provoked a new article which I'll write this next week. It's about Margaret Oliphant, a much-loved teacher whom God provided as a surrogate when I needed one the most. Thanks for the memory! Respond to this comment
» left by Scott Mitchell(170) Scott Mitchell (342 days 17 hours ago.)
I am also sure God is not the accuser of the brethren who are doing well by following Him. While God can neither commit, nor condone sin, He corrects our wrongdoing through the council of His Word. "...and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,.." is an excerpt from the prayer Jesus told us to pray. And as another passage states, 'If we pray according to the will of God, then He hears us.' God is way ahead of us. On the other hand the devil does condone sin, and is fully convicted with the notion of trying to justify it in some way. The devil is the accuser of those who follow Jesus; the one who reproaches God's Judgment; and the false interpreter of truth. "As a man speaks, so is he..." "Woe to those who call evil good, and who call good evil..." The Bible is of no private interpretation. The only thing that I have ever learned by my mistakes and the chastisement of my Heavenly Father is what not to do. "Thou shalt not..." If you do something wrong, you should feel bad about it. If you do something good, then you should feel good about it. Unbridled emotion is not the work of God. But, God will lead you to do good works with great joy, and He will give you rest. All the things of God flow together, including His Words. Praise God for His mercy. Jesus didn't give His life for any small matter, as if sin wasn't a real problem with mankind. Sin is something that is accusingly judged and condemned by God. But again I say, Praise God for His mercy. The mercy through which we are all benefactors through faith in Christ Jesus. Once you are repentant of your wrong-doing, the same wrong-doing that is known as evil through the Judgment of God, then God will also forgive and tell you to forget what lies behind and look forward to all the good plans He has for you today, tomorrow, and forever. Point being, where no wrong-doing has been committed, no mercy is required. God is no false accuser. Therefore, the mercy of God stands through the righteous judgment of God, and the judgment of God stands through Christ, who fulfilled the justification of God's Judgment with Mercy (for those who believe), rather than judgment with condemnation (for those who do not believe). I'm glad God is working in your Life. Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(3,618) April Lorier (296 days 1 hour ago.)
I agree with you, especially this statement: "Jesus didn't give His life for any small matter, as if sin wasn't a real problem with mankind. Sin is something that is accusingly judged and condemned by God. But again I say, Praise God for His mercy." Christ didn't die that excruciating death, including taking on all our sins, FOR NOTHING! Thank you for you comment. Sorry I'm so late in responding to you. (Life got in the way.) Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (334 days 1 hour ago.)
April, this is a great and very inspiring article. Thanks for sharing it. Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (333 days 23 hours ago.)
Have you considered writing a devotional book for those who have suffered at the hands of abusers? You certainly have the gift of communication and the writing ability. Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(3,618) April Lorier (296 days 1 hour ago.)
Yes, Anon. I have not only considered it, I have written it. Now it's time for it to be published. Thanks! Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(3,618) April Lorier (296 days 1 hour ago.)
Kathy, thank you so much for your comment. It made me feel great! God bless you, Kathy. Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(3,618) April Lorier (296 days 1 hour ago.)
Thank you, Kathy. I pondered over whether to make myself vulnerable before I wrote it. But, no pain no gain, yes? I enjoy your articles, too. Brings back memories of when my kids were young. It's "the best of times, the worst of times". But every day we make memories to cherish later on. God bless you with some quiet time! Respond to this comment
» left by Estelle Shade from Oxnard, CA (257 days 20 hours ago.)
What a testimony your story is! I do hope you are sharing it by mouth, too. Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(3,618) April Lorier (257 days 5 hours ago.)
Oh yes, Estelle. I have been doing public speaking since the early '70s, and I make sure people know Who is responsible for my mental health! Ha! I think every Christian should be "quick to give a reason for the hope that is within him." Bless you! Respond to this comment
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